The party you won’t see on the ballot we should all be voting for

elections canada vote sign

Tomorrow, Canadians will go to the polls in what could be one of the most historically significant elections of our generation.

Trump aside, I’ve been thinking of the key issues most Canadians are concerned about in 2025: the cost of living, affordable housing, mental health and health care, climate change, and the economy. I’ve been very fortunate to consider these issues from a new lens, thanks to a group of young PhD international students I’ve been working with as a proctor this past month at Queen’s University.

Two of the graduate students I worked with were from Ethiopia, one doing his PhD in rehabilitation research and the other in nursing. Another was from Syria, doing his PhD in nuclear engineering. They had all done their undergraduate and Masters degrees in different countries around the world and were extremely kind, bright, perceptive, and willing to share their thoughts and experiences of their time in Canada.

They all agreed Canada is a very beautiful, safe country and they particularly loved Kingston. They appreciated the hard work ethic of Canadians and the fact that we are a law abiding country. They did not like our winters!

Some of the things that surprised them is how expensive it is to live here, especially housing. (The one fellow told me he paid $900 a month for a two bedroom apartment in Germany where he did his Masters degree in a city the same size as Kingston. His rent here is $1,700. According to Studying in Germany.org, housing prices are 47% lower than in the US). They’ve also been surprised to see the number of homeless people and people with mental health and drug problems in Canada.

This led to a discussion on the shrinking middle class, a phenomenon that seems to be happening in all countries (my new friends said it was the case in Ethiopia and Egypt too).

However, the biggest culture shock and negative they’ve encountered is the individualistic aspect of Canadian society. We talked at length about child care, since my one new friend just had a baby and the other had two children and a wife here in Canada. They said at home in Ethiopia, child care is not an issue. If you need to work or go somewhere, there is someone—a relative, neighbour, or friend who will look after the children.

That led to discussions about seniors. Older people in their country are cared for and live with their extended families, unlike here in Canada where many seniors live alone or in nursing homes, and suffer from loneliness (see my blog post from a few weeks ago, “Battling the epidemic of loneliness”).

As we were discussing all of these issues, it occurred to me that if we simply went back to having multi-generational families living together, it would solve many of the problems in our society. There would be more available and affordable housing, and the cost of living would be offset by potentially multiple incomes in one household. People would be financially better off and happier, alleviating the strain on health care systems and improving people’s mental health.

If you study the famous “blue zones” in the world where people live longer, multigenerational living is part of their cultural fabric.

Where and when did we go wrong in North America?

In 2015, one of the best selling business books was a book called Weology: When Everybody Wins When We Becomes Before Me, by Peter Aceto, CEO of Tangerine bank. It was a book on the philosophy of leadership in business, but the concept of Weology is one I think we need to start embracing as a society to address these critical issues. Clearly what we’ve been doing up until now isn’t working.

A new party, let’s call it the Weology Party, committed to implementing policy that fosters a philosophy of taking greater care of each other and multi-generational living might just be the solution. From a tax perspective, this could take the form of tax deductions or income splitting for multi-generational households, not just spouses. There are currently tax breaks for people who have eligible dependents over the age of 18 and a tax credit if you are a caregiver for a spouse or senior, but we could do more. To foster this philosophy in our communities, the government could also offer tax breaks and incentives for volunteering.

Municipalities have started to make strides to make it easier for people to live together, allowing and promoting additional dwelling units on lots.

In business, the government could introduce policy to make it attractive for new start-ups to form as employee-owned cooperatives. There is a large corporation in Spain called Mondragon Cooperation that has 70,000 employees, annual sales of 11 billion euros and is highly profitable. They are committed to putting people before profits (for instance during COVID, instead of laying off employees, they reduced salaries across the board by 5%). The ratio of pay between employees and executives is just 6:1 (in Canada, the ratio is 210:1 for our highest paid CEOs and in the States, it’s even higher). This model is one way to distribute wealth more equitably in society, within the framework of a free market economy.

My new proctor friend who was a research fellow in rehabilitation was working with a professor who was researching the impact and effectiveness of formal versus informal supports for people with disabilities. Their theory is that informal supports are far more important in helping people with disabilities live full and rewarding lives. They are still in the research and data collection phase, but my guess is the data will show that informal supports, people supporting people, will be more important.

Which brings us back to election day. Make sure you vote. You won’t see the Weology party on the ballot this election, but perhaps some day we will. In the meantime, we need to all start thinking about what small changes we can make in our lives to move Canada towards a healthier (both financially and physically), happier, and connected society.

Just drop by

My brother, Dave and me visiting

Quick Poll: Would you rather friends call or text in advance before they come for a visit or just drop by? Leave a comment with your answer.

Personally, I love it when people just drop by for a visit. Here are my reasons:

  • I love the joy and surprise of a spontaneous visit—it makes it more fun
  • If I know in advance people are coming, I feel obligated to clean and I hate cleaning—I prefer to visitors to just pop in and not worry about how the house looks
  • I like the sense of people coming and going—it makes for a joyful, happy house

Now for those of you who voted call or text in advance, I get it: you can make sure you’re home, have supplies in the house (beer, wine, munchies—but at our house there’s always beer and wine in the fridge), and you can suggest a time convenient for your schedule.

I’ll always prefer the spontaneous visit. Down east, where my friend Danette’s parents live in Antigonish, all the neighbours pop in anytime. You never know who you’re going to see each day and there’s always a laugh to be had. It makes for a wonderful community.

This week’s #HappyAct is to throw caution to the wind and drop in on someone unannounced. And remember, you can always bring the beer!

(The photo above is of me, Dave and my brother Don, one of our most frequent visitors. He doesn’t just drop in, but that’s because he lives three hours away!)

Throw a surprise party

Four guys at a brewery

There is something to be said about the element of surprise.

Yesterday, I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for Dave at Spearhead Brewing Company in Kingston. It was meant to be a low-key affair since he is still recovering from knee replacement surgery, but it turned out to be a raucous good time with many friends and former co-workers coming out to wish him well, followed by an after-party at our house with some close friends and neighbours.

Our family has a long tradition of holding surprise parties. When I turned 30, Dave and my friend John McMurray conspired to throw a big party at his house in Erin. I thought we were just having a quiet dinner and didn’t even put on any make-up that night, only to walk into a full room of thirty of our closest friends jumping out yelling surprise.

On Dave’s 40th, I rented the downstairs of a restaurant in Kingston and invited all our friends from Toronto and Kingston. There was lots of food, a blow-up doll and I even roped four couples into playing the Newlywed Game. My friend Jill dressed for the occasion in a leopard jacket and thigh-high boots, and I surprised Dave and my brother-in-law Lloyd with tickets to the Grey Cup the next day.

For my 50th, Dave plotted with my boss Julie to throw a big birthday bash at lunch at a restaurant downtown with all my co-workers from Empire Life. It was such a fun time and I even got the afternoon off.

Fast forward another decade (where does the time go?) to yesterday. It was such a special day. Our friend Lorna showed up with snowshoes and Christmas lights on her back since she was walking in the Kingston Santa Claus parade after with the Rideau Trail Club. Dave’s sister and husband, my brother and our cottage neighbour Mark came all the way from Hamilton and Toronto for the party, and there was lots of laughs had, beer drunk, and fish stories told. As Dave said, it was a wonderful intersection of the many cherished friends and connections we’ve made over the years since moving to this area.

The only thing that could have made the day more special was if the girls and their boyfriends could have celebrated with us, but we had a lovely family birthday celebration the week before.

To all our friends who came out to raise a glass with us yesterday, first, I salute you. You brilliantly kept it secret and a surprise, sending texts with good wishes in the morning so Dave wouldn’t suspect a thing. You are the best!

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for coming and for making Kingston’s newest 60-year sexagenarian who is usually a grump on his birthday a very happy guy.

Photos: (above) our friends Jon and Mark, my brother Don and Dave; Jon is giving me the finger on behalf of Dave for planning a surprise party behind his back.

Below: Our friends Ally and Tony, me, Carolyn and Michael; the gang having a good time–so great to see everyone mingling!; our friend Lorna all lit up for the Kingston Santa Clause parade; Lorna and our friend John’s daughter Maria; Dave and his sister Liz.

Friends drinking beer
People mingling at a bar
Woman with snowshoes lit up with Christmas lights
Woman and a girl with cake
My husband Dave and his sister

Find your anchors in life

Sun shimmering on a lake as seen from a deck

As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to recognize the importance of anchors in life.

An anchor can be a person, a place, a thing, or something you love to do that lifts you up and feeds your soul. It is anything that grounds you or provides comfort or solace during times of trouble.

For a child, an anchor might be a teddy bear or favourite toy. For a widower, it may be a cherished photo of their spouse sitting on their nightstand.

My anchors are living and being in nature, swimming, music, writing, and Dave.

You really know when something is an anchor in your life when it isn’t there. This past week, Dave had his second knee replaced. Thankfully, the surgery went well and he’s now home resting nicely, but he was in far more pain the day of the operation compared to his first knee replacement and they kept him in the hospital overnight.

I returned home to an empty house that night feeling a bit lost and adrift. Dave has always been a big anchor in my life, and I found myself wandering around the house, restless and anxious. I was never so happy to find him doing much better the next day and ready to come home.

Living and spending time in nature is another key anchor for me. In the summer, I know I need to spend at least an hour or two at the lake every day. If I don’t, I get surly. The trees, the sun glimmering on the water, and spending time outdoors are an essential part of my happiness.

Swimming is an extension of this. I remember a particular Saturday two years ago when Dave’s sister was dying of cancer. Dave and I were helping my brother-inlaw at the house and taking turns driving him to the hospital to see MaryAnne. I spent the morning at the hospital, then we drove back to the house, where I did some chores and took their black flat-coated retriever for a walk. We were waiting for one of their kids who had travelled a long distance to arrive before going back to the hospital, and I slipped away for an hour to go for a long swim at Westport Beach. It was what I needed to face the rest of the day which turned out to be the day MaryAnne died.

Over the years, writing has become an anchor for me. I’ve enjoyed sharing my thoughts on happiness on this blog, and now in retirement, I’m excited to tackle many new writing projects.

This week’s #HappyAct is to reflect on and be grateful for the anchors in your life. What are yours? Leave a comment.

A message to my daughters

Author with her two daughters on a boardwalk

Years ago, when Grace and Clare were little, we used to take them to Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls. It was the perfect overnight getaway. We’d spend two full days in the water park and leave exhausted, waterlogged, and smiling.

On one trip, I bought a picture of a mother bear and two cubs in the gift shop. From that day forward, the three of us became Mama Bear and the two cubs.

Now my two cubs have left the den. My house is quieter, cleaner and more peaceful, but I miss the laughter, kibitzing around the dinner table and talks.

I started a group chat for the three of us and had to smile when Grace renamed it “Mama Bear and the two cubs”. We’ve been sharing pictures of our days, news and updates, and messages.

It was National Daughters Day last week. I’d like to dedicate this week’s #HappyAct to my beautiful daughters, Grace and Clare by sharing this message from the inspirational Judi Dench as told by author Donna Ashworth.

A message to my daughters
“Don’t prioritise your looks my friend, as they won’t last the journey.
Your sense of humour though, will only get better with age.
Your intuition will grow and expand like a majestic cloak of wisdom.
Your ability to choose your battles, will be fine-tuned to perfection.
Your capacity for stillness, for living in the moment, will blossom.
Your desire to live each and every moment will transcend all other wants.
Your instinct for knowing what (and who) is worth your time, will grow and flourish like ivy on a castle wall.
Don’t prioritise your looks my friend,
they will change forevermore, that pursuit is one of much sadness and disappointment.
Prioritise the uniqueness that make you you, and the invisible magnet that draws in other like-minded souls to dance in your orbit.
These are the things which will only get better.”


Judi Dench

Grace and Clare in South Carolina
Grace and Clare beside a lake

What I learned from your Mom

Audrey Tarasick

The world lost a beautiful soul this past week. My friend, Audrey Tarasick passed away at the age of 95.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Audrey and wanted to let her four children know how much she meant to me and how much I learned from her. This is what I wrote. Some of it is tongue-in-cheek, but I think Audrey would have liked that. I hope by sharing it, you may learn from Audrey too.

What I learned from your Mom

Always trust a mother’s instincts and intuition
Never be in a hurry if you don’t have to be
Mushrooms are fun, well fun-gi

The strength of a person’s character is not defined by their size
Or how loudly they speak
But by quiet authority, compassion, and caring

Be true to yourself
Forge your own path in life
Don’t worry about what other people think

Any time is a good time for a skinny dip
Listen to children—you can learn much from them
How to make a perfect pie crust

David Attenborough is hot
Scottish country dancing is not
Fairy gardens are weird

Don’t let others tell you what you are capable of or can or can’t do
Love sometimes doesn’t conquer all
The importance of family

A good cup of coffee or glass of wine can cure most ails
Don’t babysit your grandkids; spend time with them instead
How to know the exact moment to sugar off

A love for the rugged stone-cropped landscape of Eastern Ontario
Always make a wide berth around a goose
The art of the country wave

Take time to bathe in the moonlight
Bask in the sunlight (with a hat and sunscreen)
Lounge by the pool

Never stop laughing
Never stop smiling
Never stop

Live life with grace and kindness
Have no regrets
Love unconditionally

Notes and explanations

  • On Audrey’s pie crust: This is a fib. I actually never learned how to make the ultimate pie crust from Audrey and wish I had spent more time in the kitchen with her so I could have, but I enjoyed many, many of her pies
  • On David Attenborough: For the last four decades or more, Audrey lived on her own. I once asked her if she would ever remarry or what type of man might sweep her off her feet. A devout nature lover, she replied without hesitation “David Attenborough”.
  • A note on “fairy gardens are weird”. Audrey loved fairy gardens. At one point, her sunroom was filled with them. I admired her creativity and love for her whimsical creations but I always found them weird and a bit creepy (but that’s just me)!
  • On the art of the country wave: I lived with Audrey the first summer I moved to Eastern Ontario. She went to great lengths to describe the different types of waves when you live in the country. You can read them in my blog post, “A country mile
  • If you want to learn Audrey’s technique to tell the exact moment to sugar off when making maple syrup, see “Tap into liquid gold
  • If you’d like to read more about this remarkable woman, see “Spend time with someone older and wiser
Audrey in her nephew's hot rod

In her nephew’s hot rod at her 95th birthday bash this summer

Five women standing on a dock

Girls’ weekend at the cottage with three generations

A day at Nordik Spa

Four ladies in spa robes having lunch at Nordik Spa in Chelsea, QC

Last week, Dave’s sister and I took the girls to Nordik Spa in Chelsea Quebec.

It was a combination graduation gift and final girls’ trip before Grace and Clare leave for university this fall.

A day at Nordik is the ultimate in indulgence and relaxation.

As you walk up the several flights of steps to the impressive main lodge with massive wooden beams, you are welcomed by the sound of trickling waterfalls and the smell of burning wood in the fire pit cradled by bright red Adirondack chairs.

I’ve been to Nordik once before with my girlfriends and I remembered it takes an hour or so to fully embrace the spa experience.

The spa is divided into three main sections, Borea, where you can talk in whispers and low tones, Panorama, where you can chat freely and Kaskad, where there is complete silence. Thermal hot pools, some with waterfalls are interspersed with cold pools and saunas. Lounge chairs, hammocks, hammock chairs, and reading pavilions with wood fires are available for those who just want to sit and read and relax or listen to music.

Nordik spa is designed around the ancient Nordic ritual of thermotherapy, a treatment that alternates between hot and cold temperatures, followed by a rest period.

Thermotherapy deeply cleanses the body, eliminates toxins and can help with injury, chronic pain, rheumatism, arthritis, depression and sleeping. To truly embrace the full spa experience, you’re supposed to complete the entire cycle three times.

We started the morning in the social area with its infinity pool and magnificent views of Gatineau Park and the city of Ottawa. It was a cool, cloudy day, so the warm bubbles of the thermal pool felt wonderful as we chatted and caught up with Dave’s sister.

Clare embraced the full spa experience, opting to do a cold plunge next, but I figured I get enough cold water immersion experience swimming in my lake, so I went for a sauna and some hammock time instead.

Grace’s favourite was the heated rock bed sauna. It was so relaxing, a person fell asleep and was snoring!

After a few hours of thermal pools and saunas, we enjoyed a delicious lunch in their Finalandia restaurant. One of the things I love most about Quebec is you never get a bad meal and their restaurant is excellent. We enjoyed a cheese board, roasted red pepper hummous, broccoli soup, brisket sandwich on focaccia bread topped off with a tiramisu cheesecake and warm chocolate brownie with ice cream.

As the afternoon sun finally peeped out, we finished the day where we started, chatting in the thermal pool and looking over the gorgeous views of Gatineau Park.

Grace kept asking me what we should do next, and I would reply, “Whatever you want, that’s the beauty of this place.”

This week’s #HappyAct is to pamper yourself at a spa day. Enjoy!

Four ladies in front of the entrance to Nordik Spa in Chelsea, QC

When your children become your friends

Clare and Grace and their Uncle Don at a local brew pub

There is a time every parent dreams about and longs for–the moment when your child becomes your friend.

In the early days, the dream is a distant mirage, obscured by dirty diapers, sippy cups, jolly jumpers and sleepless nights.

As the years go by, the dream becomes more tangible and in focus. Your children learn to walk and talk, and before you know it, you are watching them march their chubby little legs up the four or five steps of the school bus on their first day of school.

Years pass and you see their unique personalities and independent spirit emerge. They spread their wings until one day, in a heart-wrenching gut punch, you realize they don’t need you anymore.

But then something wonderful happens. You become friends.

Friends who enjoy spending time together, sharing confidences and conversation, laughter and tears. A friend who you know will always love you and who will be there for you no matter what.

The best type of friend possible.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Dedicated to my new best friends and lovely but whacky daughters Grace and Clare. Here are some pictures of all of us from this past weekend on a family trip to Cooperstown, New York with their boyfriends and my brother Don.

My daughters at the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown New York

Top: tasting the local wares at Woodland Farm Brewery outside of Utica with their Uncle Don
Above: At the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY

Guy holding plaque that says as far as people know we're just a normal family

Devon holding a plaque that says “Remember as far as anyone knows, we’re a normal family”

Boy and girl on a bridge overlooking a river

Clare and Kaden in Little Falls, New York

Our family at the Baseball Hall of Fame

All of us in front of the Baseball Hall of Fame. We’re already talking about where we’re planning to go next year.

Ed note: For more on Cooperstown, read Ray Dorey’s guest blog, Make a pilgrimage to Cooperstown

Watch a busker

North Fire Circus performs at Kingston Buskers Rendezvous

It was a beautiful night for a buskers rendezvous.

Last night, we went to Kingston to see the fire and night shows at the 34th annual Kingston Buskers Rendezvous.

Kingston is one of the best places to watch buskers, with its spectacular backdrop of city hall and the marina at Confederation Basin, the shops and patios of Princess Street and the historic buildings in Market Square lit up at night.

The girls were hungry (of course!) so we stopped first for a drink and a bite to eat at the Toucan on Princess Street and were pleasantly surprised to get a table on the patio right away without having to wait.

After fuelling up, we strolled down to Ontario Street and caught Steve GoodTime’s fire juggling show. He was very funny and had the crowd eating out of his hands.

One of the talents you need as a busker is being able to pick good-natured people out of the crowd to participate in the show. We spotted our friend Jenn and her daughter across the street from us in the crowd. Sure enough Steve GoodTime picked Jenn out of the 500 or so people watching the show. She danced for the crowd before holding his guitar and lighting his firesticks.

We wandered up to Market Square next. This year they billed the main Buskers After Dark show as “an immersive journey into the beating heart of urban creativity”. There was a DJ, graffiti artist, the North Fire Circus and a group called Dr. Draw and the Strange Parade who were incredible.

Dr. Draw played electric violin and had a terrific band complete with horns (even a tuba!) They played a fusion of musical genres from Irish, classical, pop and rock while North Fire Circus performed light and fire acts to the music. My favourite number was a slower version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. Market Square was magical in that moment.

This week’s #HappyAct is to watch a busker. If you’re in the Kingston region, there’s still time to catch the Grand Finale of the Kingston Buskers Rendezvous tonight at 6 pm at Confederation Basin.  

Busker Steve GoodTime performs for the crowd
Busker Steve GoodTime performs for the crowd

Photos: North Fire Circus and Dr. Draw and the Strange Parade perform in the beautiful historic Market Square at night. Above: Steve GoodTime juggles for the crowds on Ontario Street. Here’s our friend Jenn dancing for the crowd!

Celebrating life’s milestones

Author's daughter receiving her high school graduation diploma

It’s always a lovely moment when you get to celebrate a special milestone in a person’s life. Whether it’s a graduation, wedding or retirement party, it’s an honour and privilege to share their special day and celebrate their achievements and accomplishments.

This past week we attended three celebrations, the retirement party of someone I had worked with for almost three decades, Clare’s high school graduation and a pre-prom gathering with some parents to take photos of our kids before they headed out for their big night on the town.

Each celebration left me smiling and feeling joyous. My friend Edward’s retirement was a gathering of old friends and co-workers. We were all so genuinely happy for Edward and it was wonderful to see so many friendly faces I hadn’t seen in some time.

My favourite part of retirement celebrations is always watching the reactions and expressions on the faces of the children of the person retiring as they realize their parent is more than just their dorky Mom or Dad, but an accomplished professional, beloved by their co-workers.

This wasn’t the case for Edward since three of his four kids actually worked at our company for a period of time, but it was still nice to see them all there honouring their Dad.

The next celebration was Thursday afternoon, when hundreds of proud parents gathered in our local high school auditorium to watch our kids receive their high school diplomas.

It was the 150th graduation ceremony of Sydenham High School, and while we knew parents and students had stood before us for the past 149 years, we still felt like our kids were the most special of all, having survived COVID, octomesters (ours was one of the few high schools during COVID where the students took one course, 6 hours a day), and more.

The third milestone was watching this same group of kids get ready for prom. The girls were stunning in their long dresses and up-dos, and the boys donned their best black suits. We all snapped photo after photo as they posed with their friends and boyfriends, without a care in the world, for one day at least, before heading out for the formal dinner and dance. If your heart could pound out of your chest with pride, it did yesterday for us parents.

This week’s #HappyAct is to cherish and celebrate the milestones in your life. There are a few more milestones ahead for our household this summer. Soon we’ll be empty nesters as Clare goes off to university this fall, and I’m retiring fully in August to join Dave.

Clare and her friends toasting on the dock
Clare and her friends dressed up before prom on the dock
Clare and her boyfriend dressed up for prom