Category: health and wellness

Posted on in health and wellness, Technology and social media, work, writing

Stop measuring

sign that says "we used to live life, now we measure it"

It happens all the time. I’m standing on a badminton court or at a trailhead waiting for the person I’m playing or hiking with to activate their smart watch so they can count their steps before we begin.

I’m trying to remember when data became such an obsession. It probably started with the advent of the world wide web and eCommerce in the early 2000s, but the infiltration of data into corporations and now our personal lives became omnipresent about a decade ago.

We are living in an unprecedented era of information explosion. Big data, algorithms, and artificial intelligence now dominate our daily lives. In our personal lives, we track steps, activity levels, the number of hours we sleep, heart rates.

Insurance companies track our driving habits with the carrot of paying less in premiums if you’re a good driver. Streaming services deliver a carefully crafted menu selection based on our viewing habits and ads with a QR code to buy now. Corporations track every click of a mouse and minute of the day of their employees in the pursuit of maximum performance and profit.

We have become a society obsessed with measurement. As my friend Ron Tite recently said, “We used to live life. Now we measure it.”

Have we gone too far?

There is a private Toronto clinic offering whole body MRI scans to anyone who walks in their door. When I first saw the ads on TV, I shook my head in disbelief. Why would you get an MRI if you didn’t need one?

When the Jays were in the World Series last year, we had one of our neighbours over who is a cardiologist to watch the game. The ad for this clinic came on and I asked my neighbour what he thought of people getting MRIs to see if there is anything wrong with them. Our doctor friend said it was a terrible idea. MRIs are only necessary and effective if there is a health condition you are trying to diagnose or monitor. Viewing an MRI when there is no presenting symptoms or issues is like going on a fishing expedition. Our neighbour said 5-10% of all MRIs will flag an issue when there is nothing wrong which could cause misdiagnoses, inappropriate treatment and unnecessary stress.

I am not against data. Data helps companies make smart business decisions. It helps save lives. I am grateful for my annual mammograms. I think it’s wonderful diabetes patients can monitor their sugar levels through their phone.

But I refuse to let data rule my life. I would prefer to walk when my body feels the need for exercise and fresh air and not worry about the number of steps I take. I prefer to write what I want to write without basing my content on the number of views or likes the piece gets. Numbers are not always the best measurement of value.

I prefer to live life than measure it.

Posted on in family, health and wellness, mental health

Have an out of body experience

boardwalk by the ocean at sunrise

Have you ever had a time where you feel like you are watching your life unfold instead of living it?

It doesn’t happen to me often but when it does, it’s always a moment of sublime happiness. One minute I’m at the table with my family chatting about our day, and the next minute it’s as if I’m floating above them, watching them joke and throw barbs at each other. Their voices suspend in the air, and I observe from above, revelling in the simple but sweet moment of being surrounded by the people I love.

I know some people practice meditation to achieve this type of transcendence. I’ve never tried meditation unless you count all the times I’ve let my mind wander at will in my hot tub, but I’m open to it.

I read one article that says 90% of cultures recognize out of body experiences as real; half of these cultures actively practice having one.

This week’s #HappyAct is to have an out of body experience. Imagine yourself floating and looking down at the magnificent world below you. What do you see? How do you feel? And if you manage to achieve that wonderful feeling of divine peace and happiness, count yourself lucky. If you’ve had one of these experiences, share it in the comments below.

Posted on in ageing, health and wellness, retirement, science of happiness

How happiness changes with age

Woman standing on a rocky shore

Somebody asked me an interesting question the other day. Does happiness change with age?

According to research, happiness does change with age. As children, we begin life happy, but around the time we become adults, happiness declines, reaching a low point in our 40s. After age 50, happiness begins to rise again.

This “U-shaped curve of happiness” was the findings of a landmark study conducted in 2008 by a UK economist and researcher, Andrew Oswald. The study interviewed half a million people in 72 countries.

There was another large study conducted by psychologists at the University of California that followed 2,800 people for 23 years charting their emotional well-being. The results released in 2001 found that the older people got, the happier they were.

It’s not surprising that children are happy, or that happiness declines in mid-life as the responsibility and stress of finding a job, raising a family, paying bills, and career demands weigh on people.

What is surprising perhaps, is that happiness increases after the age of 50, despite the fact that older people often face physical hardships and challenges. There are many theories as to why happiness increases with age.

Some researchers and studies chalk it up to positivity bias. As we age, our memories become rose-coloured—we remember the happier aspects of life. There is an interesting study of 300 nuns who were interviewed in 1987 and then asked the same questions again in 2001. The oldest nuns had more positive memories the second time they were interviewed compared to the first time.

Other studies have shown that the physical changes that happen to the brain as we age also contribute to positivity bias.  

Another theory is that older adults are more satisfied with their lives because they simply want to enjoy life and they are at a stage in their life when they can finally do so. They have less stress than they had in their 20s, 30s and 40s. Older adults also tend to be less critical of themselves and focus more on doing things that make them feel good rather than trying to get ahead, or acquire knowledge or things.

While all of these theories and studies are interesting, I believe it is something more fundamental. As we age, our definition of happiness, and what makes us happy changes. We stop chasing hedonistic pleasures and start seeking a quieter happiness, filled with peace, purpose, and connection.

How has happiness changed for you as you’ve aged? Leave a comment.

Photo: This is a picture of me on a very happy day doing what I love and finding peace on a hike in Newfoundland.

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, relationships

Stop rehashing conversations in your head

Illustration of two men, one with angry thoughts in his head and one with happy thoughts in his head

Recently, I had a phone conversation with someone where it got very emotional.

They were voicing their perspective and applying a specific filter to a situation, and I was doing the same from my perspective. No one was right or wrong and it was difficult for the two of us to overcome our emotions and move forward.

I was upset for a few days, constantly rehashing the conversation in my head. That’s the funny thing about emotions. They’re emotional.

I tried all my usual techniques to let it go. Went for a long swim in the lake. Ate a huge bowl of Kawartha Dairy ice cream. Talked to my best friend. Told myself in the greater scheme of things, it was inconsequential. It seemed no matter what I did, I kept rehashing the conversation in my head.

I even looked back at some of my old blog posts like Let it go and Take the high road. Some experts say “distanced self-talk”, actually talking out loud and saying “this is not the end of the world”, the power of touch, and doing something awe-inspiring are all effective strategies for moving forward. My default is to write about it, which is also another proven technique.

I think what helped me the most funnily enough was the process of rehashing. It did help me get to the root of my feelings. After I had peeled back all the layers of my emotional onion, I felt unburdened. I could see things more clearly from both perspectives and was finally able to move on.

Rehashing conversations in my head is one of my worst traits. I’m ashamed to admit there are conversations that literally happened decades ago that I still rehash to this day.

It’s hard to get over hard feelings. I guess that’s why they call them hard. In the end, I just kept replaying Ted Lasso’s words in my head. “I forgive you” and “Be like a goldfish” (have a short memory and move on).

What do you do when you can’t stop rehashing conversations in your head? Leave a comment.

Posted on in arts, community, entertainment, health and wellness, lake living, lifestyle, retirement

The best kind of tired

Two women at an outdoor music festival

It’s been a busy stretch and I’m tired. But I’m very grateful because it’s the best kind of tired. The kind of tired you choose.

The kind where your face still has a warm glow on a cool summer’s evening after spending most of the day in the fresh air and sunshine. The kind where your eyes burn in the back of their sockets from too many late nights catching up with family and friends and listening to music under the stars. The kind where you feel physically tired from leading an active life.

When I was working, I was tired all the time but it was the worst kind of tired.

The kind where your mind was frantic and stressed, thinking of a million things at once. The kind from running non-stop from the moment you woke up until the moment you flopped onto the couch at night in an exhausted heap.

The kind where your back and shoulders ached from sitting in a chair for eight hours a day, five days a week. The kind where you became cross-eyed and glassy-eyed from staring at a screen until your eyes start seeing double from the eye strain. The kind of tired no one chooses.

This week’s #HappyAct is to choose the best kind of tired. Or just screw it, and go for a nap.

Ed. note: the picture above is of me and my friend Cathy Christmas at the Mackinnon Brothers Back to the Farm musical festival. Cathy was at two of the same music events as I was this past week so I’m sure she’s the best kind of tired right now too.

Posted on in arts, entertainment, health and wellness, mental health

Need a little patience

If patience is a virtue, then we are at risk of transforming into a generation of sinners.

If you live with teenagers or twentysomethings, you’ll know what I mean. Put the lid back on the toothpaste tube? They ain’t got no time for that. Zip up a bag of Pretzel chips? That’s takes a nanosecond too long, time that could be spent watching endless reels or snap chatting their friends. So what if the $8 bag of chips go stale. The bank of Mom and Dad will pay for it.

And don’t get me started on tech. Since I’m pretty good with software every now and then, one of my kids will ask for my help with something on their computer. I take my time working the problem, navigating through menus, and usually figure it out, but after thirty seconds, they complain that I’m taking too long and rip the computer out of my hands. They’ve learned it’s better to leave the room and do something else while I figure it out.

I can’t blame them really. They are the “instant generation”. They’ve grown up being able to download music or movies on demand, order an item and have it show up on their doorstep the next day, and talk to someone 24-7 when they need help.

And as much as I like to blame my kids for everything, I have to admit it’s not just them. Everyone seems less patient these days. On the roads. Waiting in line at fast food outlets. Even in conversations.

This is a problem. When an entire society or culture becomes less patient, it tends to be less kind. Less empathetic. Less caring. In our rush to move on to the next best thing, we forget to see and appreciate what’s in front of us.

Impatience can also lead to errors in judgement. We don’t take the time to get all the facts, understand the implications of decisions and consider alternatives.

This week’s #HappyAct is to take a deep breath, and find a little patience.

And for you Ted Lasso fans out there, here’s Jason Sudeikis playing the water bottle and singing Guns N’ Roses’ Patience at Thundergong 2020. Season 4 of Ted Lasso is now streaming on AppleTV.

Posted on in health and wellness, Historical, inspiration, mental health, science of happiness

How do you define happiness?

Mahatma Gandhi quote, "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony"

It occurred to me the other day that in all the years I’ve been blogging about happiness, I have never once defined what happiness means.

Most definitions of happiness focus on two aspects: feeling joy or elation in the “now”, often referred to as hedonic happiness, or experiencing positive feelings and deeper meaning or wellbeing with life, often referred to as eudaimonic happiness. 

Here are a few to consider:

“The state of pleasurable contentment of mind; deep pleasure in or contentment with one’s circumstances.”
Oxford Dictionary

“Having both positive emotions and meaning in your life.”
Psychology Today

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”     
Mahatma Gandhi

Happiness is a complex and multifaceted mental state that encompasses a range of positive feelings, from contentment to intense joy. It is often associated with positive life experiences, such as achieving goals, spending time with loved ones, or engaging in enjoyable activities. However, happiness can also arise spontaneously, without any apparent external cause.
Wikipedia

“The experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.”
Sonja Lyubormirsky, The How of Happiness, 2007

And finally, my simpler definition of happiness:

“Feeling joy, contentment or fulfillment in any given moment or about life in general.”

Shared experiences, upbringing, and culture can influence how we define happiness. Some studies have found that people from cultures that embrace collectivist ideals define happiness more in terms of harmony and contentment, while cultures that focus on individual achievements and values connect it to feelings of exuberance and joy. 

For example, someone who experienced homelessness in their youth may say happiness is having a home while someone who grew up in a region in conflict may say happiness is being able to live in peace.

Of course, the only definition that really matters is yours.

So, how do you define happiness?

Posted on in health and wellness, inspiration, lake living, mental health, science of happiness

Strike a power pose

Girl striking a power pose on a paddleboard

The other day I was swimming in our lake visiting with my neighbours at their dock. Ashlyn, who just celebrated her tenth birthday struck this kick-ass power pose on her paddleboard, one arm bent confidently on her waist, her other arm holding the paddle firmly. She had a huge grin on her face and I told her she looked fearless, like she could take on the world. Her Mom snapped a quick picture (with me photobombing in the background).

For a ten-year old, striking a power pose may be a fun, spur of the moment natural thing to do. But studies show that striking a power pose can be a powerful technique for gaining confidence, facing difficult situations, and reducing anxiety.

Social psychologist, Harvard lecturer and TedTalk alum Amy Cuddy says striking a power pose, or adopting an “expansive posture” by standing tall and taking up space, can increase self-esteem, a positive outlook, and feelings of power.  

Cuddy says, “Bodies and minds are so closely connected…when you feel powerless, expanding your body can begin to reverse that. That’s not a trick. That’s physiology.”

Think of every Marvel or Avengers hero. They all have their own unique power poses. Superman with both hands on his waist or one arm extended in flight. Wonder Woman with her hands fixed firmly on her hips. Spiderman, crouched on his knees, his one arm bent by his side and his other hand planted on the ground.

You don’t need to be a comic book hero to strike a pose. And if you don’t care about the benefits of adopting an expansive posture, do it anyways. It’s just plain fun.

What’s your power pose?

Posted on in arts, health and wellness, Historical, inspiration, mental health, writing

Live in the imaginary world

Poster that says, "Reality is overrated"

At my last writer’s class, my friend Dallis shared a wonderful story recalling the imaginary worlds she lived in as a child.

She wrote, “With my thoughts and dreams alone, I can obtain anything I want.” The final line in the piece she shared as she looked back on her childhood years was, “My internal flight to freedom continues to enrich my life and within its comforting landscape, the child I was lives on.”

Her piece engendered a very interesting discussion about the imaginary worlds we create and live in as children and adults.

Some of the greatest thinkers, inventors and artists in the history of time lived in imaginary worlds.

Picasso said, “Everything you can imagine is real”. Albert Einstein believed, “Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.”

Any fiction writer will tell you their brains spend a good chunk of their waking and yes, sometimes even sleeping existence, living in an imaginary world.

Imagination is an important tool for adults. It can help you come up with creative ideas and solutions to problems, see things in a new perspective, motivate you and it keeps life interesting. It can also build resilience and help you be happy.

And yet, we are taught to suppress our imaginary worlds as we age. As my friend Mo said in the discussion afterwards, living a life in reality is super imposed on us. We all have an inner life and these imaginary worlds enrich our lives.

Someone said they read somewhere that if you imagine yourself lying on a beach, it is just as good as lying on a beach.

I’m not 100% sold on this theory. It’s nice to picture yourself lying on a beach, but it will never replace the feeling of the warm sun on your body, the sound of the crashing waves and the sights of dolphins breaching the water in the distance. Still, it is a welcome escape from reality.

Reality is highly overrated. This week’s #HappyAct is to embrace your inner world and let your imagination roam free.

Read more: Have an active fantasy life

Posted on in ageing, health and wellness, Hobbies, lake living, mental health, writing

Live or let die

Heart drawn in the snow on a frozen lake

There comes a time in your life when you have to decide which of your dreams you want to let live and which of your dreams you are ready to let die.

When I was a teenager, I dreamed of performing in a symphony orchestra. I wasn’t talented enough at the flute so I let that dream die.

I also dreamed of learning to play the piano. We didn’t have a piano in our house, and my parents didn’t have enough money to buy one, so I put that dream on hold until my children took lessons. I signed up to take lessons with them and still play to this day. Check one for the live category.

When Dave and I were first married, we dreamed of buying a lakefront cottage. We never bought a cottage, but we did realize our dream of living on water when we moved to our lakefront property almost 25 years ago.

Sometimes your dreams change. At one time in my life, I dreamed of parachuting out of an airplane. We had planned to do the jump on our tenth wedding anniversary, but then I got pregnant (you can’t jump out of an airplane pregnant) and we started raising a family. Now that I’m older, I’m perfectly fine with letting that dream die. (I mean what was I thinking? Really? Jumping out of an airplane!)

I have many fantasies that fall into the “what I would do if I had all the money in the world” category. Fantasies is all they are and I’m perfectly fine knowing that’s all they’ll ever be.

There is one dream I’m not willing to let die. I want to be published. Something. Anything. And this blog doesn’t count. I’m not ready to let go of that dream yet so I will work hard in the next few years to make it happen.

It’s okay to let some of your dreams die. The only crime would be to not have dreams at all.