Posted on in community, global relations, relationships

Seek the true narrative

Poster that says "Live your life in such a way that if someone was to ever speak badly of you, no one would believe them"

I’ve been thinking a lot about narratives and filters lately, both on a global scale but also on a micro level and how people can create their own narrative based on filters that skew how they see things.

I’ve seen this in some of the relationships in my personal life—people seeing things very differently based on their experiences and filters. It’s led to some interesting conversations.

It’s only natural to derive our opinions and views based on the experiences and influences in our life. We all do this. But it seems to me there are more people concocting disturbing and trenchant narratives, often based on misinformation or their warped view of the world and this is causing seismic rifts in our personal lives and in the world.

The scary thing is when people see the world through artificial filters and false narratives, the narrative becomes justification for their actions. They stop caring about what others think, and believe what they want, often despite the facts. The narrative becomes their truth.

So how do we resist creating false narratives in our minds?

  • Actively seek differing opinions.
  • Don’t rely on a single news source. I had a conversation with one person recently who gets all their news from The Epoch Times. They took every word as gospel.
  • Try to see things from other people’s perspectives and filters to build understanding, compassion and forgiveness.
  • Don’t be afraid to question someone else’s narrative. If something doesn’t add up, do your own research.
  • At the same time, challenge narratives you’ve created in your own mind. Are you seeing things clearly? What have you fabricated? What filters are you applying?
  • Know there can be truth on both sides sometimes.
  • Accept that most things aren’t black and white.
  • Remember, actions always speak louder than words: Live your life in such a way that if someone was to ever speak badly of you, no one would believe them.

These are interesting times. We are more divided than ever. If we are going to rise above our own human frailty and fragility, we need to seek the true narrative.

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, science of happiness

Find your happiness sweetspot in 2026

sign saying The Happiness Sweetspot

It’s a New Year and as always, I wish you my loyal readers, much joy, success and most of all happiness in 2026.

One thing I’ve learned after blogging about happiness for more than a decade is we don’t always know what we want or need to do to be happier. We get caught up in the daily hamster wheel of cooking, cleaning, going to work, taking our kids to activities or rushing out to our own commitments leaving us feeling drained, exhausted and defeated. Or worse, we suffer from a general malaise, where it’s hard to see the happy in our lives.

So in the spirit of the eternal optimism a new year brings, here is a simple little exercise to help you discover what actions to take this year to be happier. I call it the Happiness Sweetspot Table.

  1. On a blank sheet of paper or in a spreadsheet, make a table with six columns across the top. In the first three columns, write
    • Things that make me happy
    • Importance (on a scale from 1-5, 5 being most important to you)
    • Frequency (on a scale from 1-5, 5 being you do them frequently and 1 being you do them rarely)
  2. In the next three columns, do the same for Things that make me unhappy
  3. Start filling out the Things that make me happy and Things that make me unhappy columns. Examples could include playing a favourite sport, spending time with friends, spending time in nature, playing guitar, etc. Try to be specific as possible. Examples of things that make you unhappy could include commuting, eating alone, cleaning the house, a volunteer commitment, etc.
  4. Next, rank how important and how frequently you do each activity on a scale from 1-5.
  5. Multiply the importance and frequency columns to get a total score for each activity.
  6. Add one final column at the end called “Things I’ve Always Wanted to Do/Try but never made time for”.
  7. Analyze your list. Your table should look something like this.
Table ranking things that make you happy

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What items received the highest score on the unhappy list and how can you reduce or eliminate them? For instance, if you hate cleaning the house, can you lighten up on the cleaning or afford a housekeeper once a month?
  2. What items on your happy list did you rank highest for importance but lowest for frequency. How can you make time for these going forward?
  3. What surprised you?
  4. What items did you add to the things you’ve always wanted to do but never made time for? What’s stopping you?

Try to be introspective and as brutally honest with yourself. While we all enjoy watching Netflix, ask yourself does it truly make you happy, or is it just a default for something to do on a cold winter night? If it doesn’t make you happy or unhappy, leave it off the list. The goal is to identify the things in your life that give you the most joy and fulfillment and the things that are acting as a drag on your happiness.

Of course, it isn’t an exact science. If you ranked “playing golf” as a 5 for importance, but 1 for frequency because it’s January, for an overall score of 5, that may not reflect how much golf makes you happy. Feel free to adjust the numbers, but also maybe think outside the box. Play some indoor golf this month, or book a golf trip if you can afford it.

Finally, identify two to three specific actions you can take this year to do more of what makes you happy, and less of what makes you unhappy. For instance, if you discovered that eating alone makes you unhappy and you eat alone seven nights a week, see if any of your friends are interested in starting a rotating potluck supper night one night a week, or suggest meeting a friend in the park for lunch once the weather gets nice.

This week’s #HappyAct is to discover your happiness sweetspots. May 2026 be your happiest year yet.

Posted on in global relations, Historical, inspiration, relationships, science of happiness

The top ten HappyActs of 2025

In compiling this annual list, I noticed a distinct trend this year: macro events influencing my weekly thoughts on happiness. It’s understandable. In a year dominated by Trump, the wars in Gaza and the Ukraine, not to mention all the political shenanigans here in Canada, it was hard to escape the events shaping our times that penetrated our consciousness and impacted our happiness this year.

Here’s the top 10 HappyActs of 2025 (plus a bonus one, because it’s 11, one better):

10: A letter to my American friends: when I wrote this post back on February 16, 2025, it was the early days of Trump. Little did we know just how bad it would get. Still real, still relevant, and my most-read blog post of last year.

9: Golden happiness: the story of the napalm girl. When I attended a talk by Kim Phuc earlier this fall (pictured above), I expected to hear about the horrors of war and importance of peace. What I didn’t expect was to hear a survivor’s inspirational philosophy on faith, happiness and forgiveness.

8: Reflections on life and happiness from my Tanzanian philosopher friend: leave it to my friend Fulgence to keep us grounded with his positive outlook on life

On the human condition

7. Humans by nature are social beings, yet moments of solitude can restore the soul. In my blog posts, Battling the epidemic of loneliness and Spend time in solitude, I explore the dichotomy of the human condition: when to be with others, and when to be alone.

6. It’s okay to be sad: a good reminder in a world hyper-focused on mental health

If you’re looking for a New Year’s resolution for 2026

5. Hit delete: in this post I ask people, if you could delete one thing in your life to be happier, what would it be? I had some interesting responses online, including religion (the source of many conflicts), the internet, and WWW!

4. Learn when to say yes and no: one of the greatest skills in life is to learn when to say yes and when to say no.

3. Never lose faith: true on every level, whether it’s the state of the world, having faith in others, your team, or yourself

And in case you need a smile

2. Blame it on your kids

1. A funny thing happened on the way to my improv class: ever thought of trying improv? Guest blogger Jon Begg shares what happens when a bus hits a polar bear in his class.

That’s it! Happy reading. Here’s hoping 2026 brings more sanity, compassion and happiness into the world. Happy New Year everyone!

Posted on in entertainment, family, holidays, pop culture, relationships

Love Actually is in an airport

My daughters Clare and Grace back together again

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Ottawa airport… It seems to me that love is everywhere.

This week, I picked up a very special package from the Ottawa airport. Kid #2 arrived on a Porter Airlines flight on Wednesday morning after being down east at school for the past four months.

So maybe love wasn’t everywhere when I went to pick Clare and maybe I ripped off that line from the opening scene of Love Actually, but the feelings of love and anticipation of seeing Clare after her being away for so long has made me a romantic at heart.

I love that opening scene from the movie, parents reuniting with children, old friends slapping each other on the back, and husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends kissing and hugging each other with misty tearful eyes.

The reality of course was slightly different. I didn’t actually go into the Ottawa terminal. I missed the turn for the arrivals lane after seeing a sign that said Car Rental Return and had to make a U-turn and circle around the endless airport loop, Grace remonstrating with me and calling me a loser the entire way.

If we had entered the terminal, instead of seeing happy smiling faces reuniting, we probably would have seen half a dozen people making a frantic 100-yard dash to the bathroom after their seven-hour flight, another half a dozen cursing at their phones because the person picking them up was late, and at least one exhausted mother with two snotty-nosed kids trying to find her Uber.

I mean, c’mon. It’s not like we were going to see a young buxom brunette hopping into the arms of the Prime Minister. Wait, hold the ministerial phone. Did I just see Katy Perry launch herself at Justin at the gate, his strong arms encircling her while she wears a jaunty beret? Maybe the movie is true to real life after all.

The point is, maybe love actually can be found in an airport terminal. One thing is for certain. You have a better shot at finding love than your luggage if you fly Air Canada.

This week’s #HappyAct is my Christmas wish for you: to have a sweet reunion with someone you love. Happy holidays, and be sure to check back next week for my top ten happy acts of 2025.

Posted on in entertainment, family, Food and drink, holidays, poetry

My favourite holiday things

Cardinal and cardinal garland on a Christms tree

Over the years, I’ve shared many of my favourite things about the holidays. To me, Christmas has never been about one day, or the presents under the tree. It’s about all the small moments and simple joys that make this time of year special and bring me happiness and peace.

Frosty cold mornings and snow laden trees
And favourites like Elf, Home Alone and White Christmas on TV

Pretty green garlands of fresh spruce and pine
Glasses of egg nog, hot cocoa and wine

Local church concerts and carols sung on high
Finding the perfect gift then waiting for the Amazon guy

Filling the gaps in our old Christmas tree
With shiny bright lights, homemade ornaments and memories

White chocolate-dipped Oreos and Mrs. Garrett’s butter tarts
Nanaimo bars and haystacks and shortbreads cut in hearts

Candles glowing softly and red cardinals in the air
Reminders of those we’ve lost but still with us everywhere

Bowie and Crosby, The Pogues and Buble
Handel’s Messiah king of kings on Christmas Day

Gatherings with neighbours and laughter with friends
A time to reflect and to make amends

Fighting over the chocolate in the advent calendar
And constantly refilling the Scotch mint candy jar

The anticipation Christmas Day brings
These are a few of my favourite things

This week’s #HappyAct is to enjoy your favourite things in the lead up to the holidays. What are your favourites?

Posted on in ageing, arts, Historical, inspiration, writing

It’s never too late

First-time author Lois Tryon

Sometimes when I get down on my writing, I think of Frank McCourt.

McCourt is best known for his novel Angela’s Ashes which won a Pulitzer Prize in 1997 (one of the most depressing books of all time). What’s interesting about McCourt is he didn’t start writing until he was in his 60’s and published Angela’s Ashes when he was 66.

I read another of his autobiographies, ‘Tis which chronicled his time teaching in the New York City public school system for 30 years. McCourt said while he was working, he had no energy and brain power left at the end of the day to tackle creative writing projects. It was only when he retired did he find the drive and creativity to write his series of award-winning novels.

I was reminded of this yesterday when Dave sent me a text that said “It’s never too late” with a link to an article in last week’s The Kingston Whig-Standard. The article was about a first-time author who at the age of 98 just published a book of poetry about living at Kingsbridge Retirement Community.

Lois Tryon started writing poems to while away the time, and the staff at the retirement residence had the idea to insert her poems in the daily menus to inspire her fellow residents.

This week’s #HappyAct is to remember it’s never too late. If you’re feeling like you should be further ahead in life, or in achieving your goals, keep at it. Here are some more examples of people who achieved greatness later in life:

  • Colonel Harland Sanders of KFC fame was 62 when he franchised his famous secret chicken recipe and opened his first restaurant
  • Julia Child didn’t publish her groundbreaking cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking until she was 50.
  • Ray Kroc was a milkshake device salesman until at the age of 52 when he bought McDonalds and turned it into the world’s largest franchise
  • Henry Ford was 45 when he created the Model T in 1908
  • The great Morgan Freeman didn’t make it big in acting until he was in his 50s.

Photo of Lois Tryon by Elliott Ferguson, Kingston Whig-Standard

Posted on in entertainment, family, holidays

Find a new holiday tradition

Author and her girlfriends in front of a Christmas sign

This weekend, my girlfriends and I were talking about holiday traditions and lamenting the fact that “family time” over the holidays often involves each member of the household hidden away in different rooms on their devices.

We all decided we needed a new holiday tradition but had a hard time coming up with any good ideas. So I thought I’d reach out to you, my loyal readers to ask, what do you do in your house or with your family to spend meaningful time together over the holidays?

We’re only looking for answers that are an outing or activity–something we can do as a family that doesn’t involve screens (so not things like wearing the same Christmas pajamas, ugly sweaters or watching White Christmas on Christmas Eve).

Here were some of the ideas we bandied around:

  • Gingerbread house decorating contest
  • Family drive to see Christmas lights
  • Going to see a holiday concert or play
  • Playing indoor golf, bowling, laser tag or pool
  • Carolling around the neighbourhood

Sadly, while we think these would be fun, some are expensive for a family of four or six and there is a good chance our adult-grown children would groan and protest at things like carolling, so anything that is affordable and passes the Bah Humbug metre is a bonus.  

Help us rediscover the joy of the holidays with our families and share your ideas by leaving a comment.

Read more about two of my favourite holiday traditions (although the first one is very unique to our family—you won’t want to adopt it!)

Posted on in arts, charitable, community, Food and drink, holidays

Score a free meal

My husband and I enjoying a free lunch at Grace Hall in Sydenham

Don’t let anyone tell you there’s no such thing as a free lunch.

This past month, I’ve enjoyed four free lunches, making me an official pensioner. I come by it honestly. The Swinton family motto after all is, “You can call me anything you want, just don’t call me late for dinner.”

My first free lunch was the annual Celebration of Friends of Empire Life retirees and 25-year employees. It was a wonderful afternoon of catching up with old friends and colleagues at the Kingston Marriott. Three hours flew by, and I realized I didn’t get a chance to talk to even half the people that were there.

My second free lunch was a thank you from my dear friend Pamela who is turning 92 this month. I drive Pamela to writing class every other Friday and she suggested we have lunch before class at Hattie’s Cove, the Senior’s Centre restaurant. They offer a free lunch to members each month celebrating a birthday.

My last two free lunches were volunteer appreciation luncheons hosted by South Frontenac Township and Southern Frontenac Community Services where Dave and I volunteered this summer in their garden. They were catered by Rampart Kitchens, a wonderful local caterer and we enjoyed eating the delicious Greek-themed meals, chatting with other volunteers in our community and listening to live music at the Grace Centre.

So, the next time someone tells you there’s no such thing as a free lunch, follow the Swinton rule.

The holiday season and New Year always provide ample opportunities to snag free nosh. Shop at stores that offer free hot chocolate and snacks, attend a dinner or craft night at your local church, or watch for invitations to a New Year’s Levee in your community. Many service groups or churches also offer a free Christmas or holiday meal at this time of year. Happy munching!

Note: While this post is meant to be tongue in cheek and a thank you for my free lunches this past month, food insecurity is a growing issue in many communities. Food Banks are in desperate need of donations, so if you are able to give, please give to your local food bank this holiday season. And if you live in South Frontenac, the Verona Lions host a free Christmas dinner every year on December 25 at noon at the Verona Lions Hall. They ask you register on their website so they have an idea of numbers.

Craig Jones and friends playing music at the Grace Hall in Sydenham
Posted on in community, environment, Historical, lake living, nature

Stewards of the land

view of sea and mountains at sunset in Plockton

As I grow older, I am convinced more than ever that I am just an interloper on this earth. A transient squatter that one day will evaporate, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The land, however, will live on.

I am reminded of this every day I watch the wildlife in the woods I live in and the lakes I paddle on. They belong to the blue jays, beavers, porcupines, deer, woodpeckers, dragonflies, butterflies and herons. And yet, humankind aspires to own property and claim it as our own, putting up fences and markers to demarcate what is rightfully ours, and keep people and animals out.

I love my property, but I have always believed it is ours to steward and share, not own. I know there are many of my neighbours who would disagree with me.

Since moving to the country, I’ve seen the widely opposing views on property. Some are generous, allowing people to hike, and even hunt on their land and use private water access points. Others are aggressive in their defence of “their land”, putting up gates and guarding their property with shotguns. You better know who you’re dealing with if you wander down a private laneway or path.

One of my favourite walks in Scotland this summer was on private property in the tiny seaside village of Plockton, just off the Isle of Skye. There is an isthmus that juts out to sea, owned by a local family who has granted permission to anyone to hike the trails around their modest farmhouse. It was one of the most beautiful hikes I’ve ever done, and reminded me of the seascape on Vancouver Island.

In 2003, Scotland adopted the Land Reform Act, commonly known as “right to roam” that gives the people of Scotland the right to access and roam the land and inland waterways, including public lands, farmers’ fields, and other private property. Basic principles include respecting people’s privacy, caring for the environment, leaving no trace, and ensuring no damage is caused to crops or livestock.

England has not been as progressive in adopting this principle and we had some interesting conversations with fellow hikers and locals about the right to roam and our relationship to land and property.

As a society, we have been poor stewards of the land. From polluting our oceans, to mismanagement of our forests and the ever-threatening impacts of climate change, we have failed in our attempts to be good stewards of this planet. One writer described it as “soiling our own nest”, an apt description.

We’ve also incurred irreparable harm to our planet and humankind by trying to define borders and territories. Wars have been fought and millions of lives lost from the desire to conquer land.

In this, as in so many things, we can learn from Indigenous peoples who have a deep connection to nature, viewing themselves as part of an interdependent ecosystem with a deep commitment to care for the land and its creatures for future generations. 

This week’s #HappyAct is to do one small thing to care for the land and creatures in your backyard, all the while accepting it’s not really your backyard in the first place.

Deer in garden

Photos: at top: the view from a trail owned by homeowner’s in Plockton, Scotland, looking out over the sea. Above: deer grazing in my garden.

Posted on in arts, charitable, global relations, Historical, inspiration, photography

Golden Happiness: the story of the napalm girl

Photo, The Terror of War taken on March 8, 1972 of the Napalm girl Kim Phuc

On March 8, 1972, a moment caught in time changed the world. It was the photo of 9-year old Kim Phuc, running naked on a road after being severely burned by a napalm attack in the Vietnamese War. The photo, later named “The Terror of War”, would go on to win a Pulitzer Prize and sway the shifting sands of sentiment against the war in Vietnam.

I was very fortunate last week to meet Kim and hear her speak about the day her village was bombed, the famous photo and how it impacted her life, and her path to faith, forgiveness and finding peace in her heart and happiness as a wife, mother and through her work as a UNESCO Global Ambassador for Peace.

Kim, whose name means Golden Happiness in Vietnamese was just nine years old when the Viet Cong invaded her village. The villagers, especially the children, were sent to a nearby temple where they would be safe. When the four bombs hit her village, she ran. The searing heat from the napalm at 1200 degrees Celsius burned the clothes off her body and much of her skin.

Presumed dead, her body was taken to the morgue where she lay motionless, in agony for three days before her parents found her and moved her to a hospital. She was transferred to a burn hospital where she spent the next 14 months.

Ten years later, Kim was studying to be a doctor when the South Vietnamese government had her dismissed from medical school. They wanted her to be a national symbol and puppet spokesperson, but as Kim puts it, she did not want to give them the power over her story and refused to comply. She was sent to Cuba for the next six years, where she met her husband, a North Korean.

Returning from their honeymoon in Moscow, Kim knew one of her only chances for freedom was to defect. When their plane stopped in Gander, Newfoundland for an hour layover and to refuel, she knew what she had to do. She and her husband got off the plane and sought political asylum in Canada.

For many years, the emotional and physical scars of her ordeal (she has undergone 17 surgeries over the years) filled her heart with hatred. But she realized she had two choices, to change her heart, or die from hatred. She said it took years to find peace and forgive her enemies.

She told one story of going to Washington in 1996 and visiting the Vietnam War Memorial. It was a large public event and she was asked to speak. Many Vietnam vets were attending, including the soldier who planned the attack on her village (the pilot who dropped the bombs was actually Vietnamese).

This soldier, named John, came forward and said he had never forgiven himself for the past 24 years for what he did to her and her village. She hugged him, and realized for the first time she was not the only one who suffered that day. They remain close friends to this day.

Kim’s message is still relevant in today’s troubled world: peace, love and forgiveness will always be more powerful than hatred.

I was struck by how beautiful, inside and out Kim was. She radiated peace, goodness, and loved to laugh. Her favourite saying was “No way, Jose!” and she said “eh?” several times, declaring herself a true Canadian.

In 1997, she founded the Kim Foundation International, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping child victims of war. She still lives in Ajax, Ontario with her husband, and has three children and several grandchildren.

She also shared her secrets for living a happy, successful life:

Free your heart from hatred
Free your mind from worry
Live simple
Give more
Expect less

This week is Remembrance Day. As we honour the men and women who sacrificed their lives for our country, and the victims of war, remember the words of the napalm girl, that peace, love and forgiveness will always be more powerful than hatred.

Me and Kim Phuc Phan Thi, the Napalm girl