We have a new ride these days, a pontoon boat. Everyone is loving it, from the kids to the dogs, garnering Dave a new nickname, Captain Dave.
Since they were first introduced, pontoon boats have channelled the ultimate party vibe. Step onto the astroturf, get your koozie, let’s go.* You can fish, swim and tube off of them, or just sit back and enjoy the ride.
There is one cottage couple on our lake who take a nightly sunset tour on their pontoon boat, waving regally in the breeze to their neighbours on their docks and decks as they putter along the shoreline.
The pontoon boat is a relatively new invention. It was designed in 1952 by a rural Minnesota farmer named Ambrose Weeres who tied a wooden deck to two aluminum cylinders. He started manufacturing his invention, and the rest, they say is history.
When I was a teenager, I spent many of my summers up at friend’s cottages. Pontoon boats hadn’t made a splash yet on Ontario lakes in those days. It wasn’t until the early 2000s when boat manufacturers starting revving up the horsepower that pontoon boats became all the rage.
All of a sudden, pontoon boats started replacing high-powered speed boats on Ontario’s waterways. Now it seems the only people with speedboats are waterskiiers and fishermen. Today, more than 50,000 new pontoon boats are sold each year in the US.
Pontoon boats are great for many reasons. For people with accessibility issues, they provide a safe, stable means of getting out and enjoying the water. You can have a conversation on a pontoon boat, as opposed to yelling over the motor in a speedboat. They are also highly practical since they can carry large loads of people and items for cottagers needing to barge supplies across the water.
That’s all wonderful, but let’s face it, it’s the vibe of a pontoon boat that is irresistible.
Whether it’s the gentle breeze blowing in your hair, the lure of the perfect cast and catch at dusk, or simply enjoying a laugh and smile with friends and the people you love on the water, a pontoon is the ultimate summer ride.
The best months of summer are upon us. This week’s #HappyAct is to make some waves and catch some rays and party in the open on a pontoon.*
*Lyrics from Little Big Town’s 2012 hit, Pontoon
Pictured above: Partying on the pontoon last weekend at our friend Libby and Murray’s cottage; Below: Captain Dave, the girls, and Grace and me on our pontoon.
Years ago, when my kids were young, I wanted to write a book called “700 Ways Raising Kids and Dogs are the Same”. I didn’t because it’s already been written.
But as my dogs and children grew old and I progressed in my career, my belief that the same principles for being a good parent, dog owner, and leader became even more steadfast. These are the principles:
Trust is the foundation of everything
Just when you think you have a handle on things, know things will change
If you set clear expectations, it will usually get done, but probably not on your timeline
Food is a great motivator
Treat them equally, but different, and give them your full support
Seek and capitalize on their strengths, instead of focusing on what they can do better
The best ideas come from the most unusual places (in the case of children, never underestimate their creativity or intelligence)
Always be yourself: you can never hide who you truly are—they’ll know
Be present—it’s the best gift you can give them
There is no substitute for love and encouragement
This week’s #HappyAct is show love and encouragement at work and at home (and when all else fails, bribe them with some treats).
A final note on parenting: I read only one parenting book and listened to one audiotape before we had kids. I remember one story about a father trying to get their teenage son to put the garbage out each week. Every week, he’d remind the kid it was garbage day and to put the garbage out. The teenager kept forgetting. Then one day, the kid put the garbage out. When the father looked surprised, the kid said, “What? It’s my job.” The kid put it out every week after.
Do you wish sometimes you never grew up? That you were still a child, with no worries, responsibilities, or never-ending to do lists in your head, just the prospects of a new day of exploratory play and learning?
I found I was mourning the loss of my inner child a bit yesterday when I toured an absolutely amazing facility, the Child Care Centre in Sharbot Lake as part of the 50th anniversary celebrations of Rural Frontenac Community Services. The Centre was founded by my dear friend Audrey Tarasick who served as the Centre’s director for a decade in the 1990s. As part of the celebrations, the Centre dedicated a bench in the playground to Audrey who passed away last year.
As I toured the Centre, I could feel Audrey’s presence in every kiddie cubbyhole, reading nook and painting cranny. There were tiny wood tables and chairs, a big circle carpet with trees and clouds, and toys everywhere. Audrey loved children and she had the unique ability to see the world through a child’s eyes and let children guide their learning by letting them play, explore and take the lead.
I saw artwork and toys and banners with messages like “Learning is messy business,” “Creativity is messy and we are very messy”, and “Every child is an artist”.
It made me wonder why, as adults, we hate mess and seek out organization and structure, and what impact this has on our creativity, happiness, and ability to learn and play?
I bumped into Marcie Webster who has worked with RFCS for 34 years and who remembered me from the days when I brought my two girls to her play groups. She shared a story about one of her first few days at work. A child had mixed some red paint with yellow paint and Marcie had said to the child, “Try not to mix the colours”. Audrey asked her why she told the child that, and Marcie said so the paints would be intact for the next child. Audrey replied, “But the child was exploring and learning like a scientist. Let them learn.”
Early in my career, I worked as a copywriter for an educational toy company, Discovery Toys. Their motto was “Play is a child’s work” and their belief was children learned through exploration and play. Because I had to write about the toys, we would play with them every day. I literally was paid to be creative with the toys and play. It was a great job.
When it came time to take a photo of Audrey’s family on the bench, instead of sitting normally, one of her great-grandsons hung upside down with his legs flopped over the back of the bench (his family later asked him to “sit properly” for an official photo). I snapped a picture of Walt upside down and thought, “Audrey would have loved that.”
This week’s #HappyAct is to break the chains of adulthood and let your inner child lead this week. Just be messy and explore. You’ll never know what you may learn–or how much fun you’ll have doing it.
Photos: Main: Marcie Webster, one of the longest-serving employees at the Child Centre in Sharbot Lake in her EarlyON play group room. Above: Walt having fun and exploring upside down on Great Grandma’s bench.
Tomorrow, Canadians will go to the polls in what could be one of the most historically significant elections of our generation.
Trump aside, I’ve been thinking of the key issues most Canadians are concerned about in 2025: the cost of living, affordable housing, mental health and health care, climate change, and the economy. I’ve been very fortunate to consider these issues from a new lens, thanks to a group of young PhD international students I’ve been working with as a proctor this past month at Queen’s University.
Two of the graduate students I worked with were from Ethiopia, one doing his PhD in rehabilitation research and the other in nursing. Another was from Syria, doing his PhD in nuclear engineering. They had all done their undergraduate and Masters degrees in different countries around the world and were extremely kind, bright, perceptive, and willing to share their thoughts and experiences of their time in Canada.
They all agreed Canada is a very beautiful, safe country and they particularly loved Kingston. They appreciated the hard work ethic of Canadians and the fact that we are a law abiding country. They did not like our winters!
Some of the things that surprised them is how expensive it is to live here, especially housing. (The one fellow told me he paid $900 a month for a two bedroom apartment in Germany where he did his Masters degree in a city the same size as Kingston. His rent here is $1,700. According to Studying in Germany.org, housing prices are 47% lower than in the US). They’ve also been surprised to see the number of homeless people and people with mental health and drug problems in Canada.
This led to a discussion on the shrinking middle class, a phenomenon that seems to be happening in all countries (my new friends said it was the case in Ethiopia and Egypt too).
However, the biggest culture shock and negative they’ve encountered is the individualistic aspect of Canadian society. We talked at length about child care, since my one new friend just had a baby and the other had two children and a wife here in Canada. They said at home in Ethiopia, child care is not an issue. If you need to work or go somewhere, there is someone—a relative, neighbour, or friend who will look after the children.
That led to discussions about seniors. Older people in their country are cared for and live with their extended families, unlike here in Canada where many seniors live alone or in nursing homes, and suffer from loneliness (see my blog post from a few weeks ago, “Battling the epidemic of loneliness”).
As we were discussing all of these issues, it occurred to me that if we simply went back to having multi-generational families living together, it would solve many of the problems in our society. There would be more available and affordable housing, and the cost of living would be offset by potentially multiple incomes in one household. People would be financially better off and happier, alleviating the strain on health care systems and improving people’s mental health.
If you study the famous “blue zones” in the world where people live longer, multigenerational living is part of their cultural fabric.
Where and when did we go wrong in North America?
In 2015, one of the best selling business books was a book called Weology: When Everybody Wins When We Becomes Before Me, by Peter Aceto, CEO of Tangerine bank. It was a book on the philosophy of leadership in business, but the concept of Weology is one I think we need to start embracing as a society to address these critical issues. Clearly what we’ve been doing up until now isn’t working.
A new party, let’s call it the Weology Party, committed to implementing policy that fosters a philosophy of taking greater care of each other and multi-generational living might just be the solution. From a tax perspective, this could take the form of tax deductions or income splitting for multi-generational households, not just spouses. There are currently tax breaks for people who have eligible dependents over the age of 18 and a tax credit if you are a caregiver for a spouse or senior, but we could do more. To foster this philosophy in our communities, the government could also offer tax breaks and incentives for volunteering.
Municipalities have started to make strides to make it easier for people to live together, allowing and promoting additional dwelling units on lots.
In business, the government could introduce policy to make it attractive for new start-ups to form as employee-owned cooperatives. There is a large corporation in Spain called Mondragon Cooperation that has 70,000 employees, annual sales of 11 billion euros and is highly profitable. They are committed to putting people before profits (for instance during COVID, instead of laying off employees, they reduced salaries across the board by 5%). The ratio of pay between employees and executives is just 6:1 (in Canada, the ratio is 210:1 for our highest paid CEOs and in the States, it’s even higher). This model is one way to distribute wealth more equitably in society, within the framework of a free market economy.
My new proctor friend who was a research fellow in rehabilitation was working with a professor who was researching the impact and effectiveness of formal versus informal supports for people with disabilities. Their theory is that informal supports are far more important in helping people with disabilities live full and rewarding lives. They are still in the research and data collection phase, but my guess is the data will show that informal supports, people supporting people, will be more important.
Which brings us back to election day. Make sure you vote. You won’t see the Weology party on the ballot this election, but perhaps some day we will. In the meantime, we need to all start thinking about what small changes we can make in our lives to move Canada towards a healthier (both financially and physically), happier, and connected society.
Quick Poll: Would you rather friends call or text in advance before they come for a visit or just drop by? Leave a comment with your answer.
Personally, I love it when people just drop by for a visit. Here are my reasons:
I love the joy and surprise of a spontaneous visit—it makes it more fun
If I know in advance people are coming, I feel obligated to clean and I hate cleaning—I prefer to visitors to just pop in and not worry about how the house looks
I like the sense of people coming and going—it makes for a joyful, happy house
Now for those of you who voted call or text in advance, I get it: you can make sure you’re home, have supplies in the house (beer, wine, munchies—but at our house there’s always beer and wine in the fridge), and you can suggest a time convenient for your schedule.
I’ll always prefer the spontaneous visit. Down east, where my friend Danette’s parents live in Antigonish, all the neighbours pop in anytime. You never know who you’re going to see each day and there’s always a laugh to be had. It makes for a wonderful community.
This week’s #HappyAct is to throw caution to the wind and drop in on someone unannounced. And remember, you can always bring the beer!
(The photo above is of me, Dave and my brother Don, one of our most frequent visitors. He doesn’t just drop in, but that’s because he lives three hours away!)
There is something to be said about the element of surprise.
Yesterday, I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for Dave at Spearhead Brewing Company in Kingston. It was meant to be a low-key affair since he is still recovering from knee replacement surgery, but it turned out to be a raucous good time with many friends and former co-workers coming out to wish him well, followed by an after-party at our house with some close friends and neighbours.
Our family has a long tradition of holding surprise parties. When I turned 30, Dave and my friend John McMurray conspired to throw a big party at his house in Erin. I thought we were just having a quiet dinner and didn’t even put on any make-up that night, only to walk into a full room of thirty of our closest friends jumping out yelling surprise.
On Dave’s 40th, I rented the downstairs of a restaurant in Kingston and invited all our friends from Toronto and Kingston. There was lots of food, a blow-up doll and I even roped four couples into playing the Newlywed Game. My friend Jill dressed for the occasion in a leopard jacket and thigh-high boots, and I surprised Dave and my brother-in-law Lloyd with tickets to the Grey Cup the next day.
For my 50th, Dave plotted with my boss Julie to throw a big birthday bash at lunch at a restaurant downtown with all my co-workers from Empire Life. It was such a fun time and I even got the afternoon off.
Fast forward another decade (where does the time go?) to yesterday. It was such a special day. Our friend Lorna showed up with snowshoes and Christmas lights on her back since she was walking in the Kingston Santa Claus parade after with the Rideau Trail Club. Dave’s sister and husband, my brother and our cottage neighbour Mark came all the way from Hamilton and Toronto for the party, and there was lots of laughs had, beer drunk, and fish stories told. As Dave said, it was a wonderful intersection of the many cherished friends and connections we’ve made over the years since moving to this area.
The only thing that could have made the day more special was if the girls and their boyfriends could have celebrated with us, but we had a lovely family birthday celebration the week before.
To all our friends who came out to raise a glass with us yesterday, first, I salute you. You brilliantly kept it secret and a surprise, sending texts with good wishes in the morning so Dave wouldn’t suspect a thing. You are the best!
From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for coming and for making Kingston’s newest 60-year sexagenarian who is usually a grump on his birthday a very happy guy.
Photos: (above) our friends Jon and Mark, my brother Don and Dave; Jon is giving me the finger on behalf of Dave for planning a surprise party behind his back.
Below: Our friends Ally and Tony, me, Carolyn and Michael; the gang having a good time–so great to see everyone mingling!; our friend Lorna all lit up for the Kingston Santa Clause parade; Lorna and our friend John’s daughter Maria; Dave and his sister Liz.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to recognize the importance of anchors in life.
An anchor can be a person, a place, a thing, or something you love to do that lifts you up and feeds your soul. It is anything that grounds you or provides comfort or solace during times of trouble.
For a child, an anchor might be a teddy bear or favourite toy. For a widower, it may be a cherished photo of their spouse sitting on their nightstand.
My anchors are living and being in nature, swimming, music, writing, and Dave.
You really know when something is an anchor in your life when it isn’t there. This past week, Dave had his second knee replaced. Thankfully, the surgery went well and he’s now home resting nicely, but he was in far more pain the day of the operation compared to his first knee replacement and they kept him in the hospital overnight.
I returned home to an empty house that night feeling a bit lost and adrift. Dave has always been a big anchor in my life, and I found myself wandering around the house, restless and anxious. I was never so happy to find him doing much better the next day and ready to come home.
Living and spending time in nature is another key anchor for me. In the summer, I know I need to spend at least an hour or two at the lake every day. If I don’t, I get surly. The trees, the sun glimmering on the water, and spending time outdoors are an essential part of my happiness.
Swimming is an extension of this. I remember a particular Saturday two years ago when Dave’s sister was dying of cancer. Dave and I were helping my brother-inlaw at the house and taking turns driving him to the hospital to see MaryAnne. I spent the morning at the hospital, then we drove back to the house, where I did some chores and took their black flat-coated retriever for a walk. We were waiting for one of their kids who had travelled a long distance to arrive before going back to the hospital, and I slipped away for an hour to go for a long swim at Westport Beach. It was what I needed to face the rest of the day which turned out to be the day MaryAnne died.
Over the years, writing has become an anchor for me. I’ve enjoyed sharing my thoughts on happiness on this blog, and now in retirement, I’m excited to tackle many new writing projects.
This week’s #HappyAct is to reflect on and be grateful for the anchors in your life. What are yours? Leave a comment.
Years ago, when Grace and Clare were little, we used to take them to Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls. It was the perfect overnight getaway. We’d spend two full days in the water park and leave exhausted, waterlogged, and smiling.
On one trip, I bought a picture of a mother bear and two cubs in the gift shop. From that day forward, the three of us became Mama Bear and the two cubs.
Now my two cubs have left the den. My house is quieter, cleaner and more peaceful, but I miss the laughter, kibitzing around the dinner table and talks.
I started a group chat for the three of us and had to smile when Grace renamed it “Mama Bear and the two cubs”. We’ve been sharing pictures of our days, news and updates, and messages.
It was National Daughters Day last week. I’d like to dedicate this week’s #HappyAct to my beautiful daughters, Grace and Clare by sharing this message from the inspirational Judi Dench as told by author Donna Ashworth.
A message to my daughters “Don’t prioritise your looks my friend, as they won’t last the journey. Your sense of humour though, will only get better with age. Your intuition will grow and expand like a majestic cloak of wisdom. Your ability to choose your battles, will be fine-tuned to perfection. Your capacity for stillness, for living in the moment, will blossom. Your desire to live each and every moment will transcend all other wants. Your instinct for knowing what (and who) is worth your time, will grow and flourish like ivy on a castle wall. Don’t prioritise your looks my friend, they will change forevermore, that pursuit is one of much sadness and disappointment. Prioritise the uniqueness that make you you, and the invisible magnet that draws in other like-minded souls to dance in your orbit. These are the things which will only get better.”
The world lost a beautiful soul this past week. My friend, Audrey Tarasick passed away at the age of 95.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Audrey and wanted to let her four children know how much she meant to me and how much I learned from her. This is what I wrote. Some of it is tongue-in-cheek, but I think Audrey would have liked that. I hope by sharing it, you may learn from Audrey too.
What I learned from your Mom
Always trust a mother’s instincts and intuition Never be in a hurry if you don’t have to be Mushrooms are fun, well fun-gi
The strength of a person’s character is not defined by their size Or how loudly they speak But by quiet authority, compassion, and caring
Be true to yourself Forge your own path in life Don’t worry about what other people think
Any time is a good time for a skinny dip Listen to children—you can learn much from them How to make a perfect pie crust
David Attenborough is hot Scottish country dancing is not Fairy gardens are weird
Don’t let others tell you what you are capable of or can or can’t do Love sometimes doesn’t conquer all The importance of family
A good cup of coffee or glass of wine can cure most ails Don’t babysit your grandkids; spend time with them instead How to know the exact moment to sugar off
A love for the rugged stone-cropped landscape of Eastern Ontario Always make a wide berth around a goose The art of the country wave
Take time to bathe in the moonlight Bask in the sunlight (with a hat and sunscreen) Lounge by the pool
Never stop laughing Never stop smiling Never stop
Live life with grace and kindness Have no regrets Love unconditionally
Notes and explanations
On Audrey’s pie crust: This is a fib. I actually never learned how to make the ultimate pie crust from Audrey and wish I had spent more time in the kitchen with her so I could have, but I enjoyed many, many of her pies
On David Attenborough: For the last four decades or more, Audrey lived on her own. I once asked her if she would ever remarry or what type of man might sweep her off her feet. A devout nature lover, she replied without hesitation “David Attenborough”.
A note on “fairy gardens are weird”. Audrey loved fairy gardens. At one point, her sunroom was filled with them. I admired her creativity and love for her whimsical creations but I always found them weird and a bit creepy (but that’s just me)!
On the art of the country wave: I lived with Audrey the first summer I moved to Eastern Ontario. She went to great lengths to describe the different types of waves when you live in the country. You can read them in my blog post, “A country mile”
If you want to learn Audrey’s technique to tell the exact moment to sugar off when making maple syrup, see “Tap into liquid gold”
Last week, Dave’s sister and I took the girls to Nordik Spa in Chelsea Quebec.
It was a combination graduation gift and final girls’ trip before Grace and Clare leave for university this fall.
A day at Nordik is the ultimate in indulgence and relaxation.
As you walk up the several flights of steps to the impressive main lodge with massive wooden beams, you are welcomed by the sound of trickling waterfalls and the smell of burning wood in the fire pit cradled by bright red Adirondack chairs.
I’ve been to Nordik once before with my girlfriends and I remembered it takes an hour or so to fully embrace the spa experience.
The spa is divided into three main sections, Borea, where you can talk in whispers and low tones, Panorama, where you can chat freely and Kaskad, where there is complete silence. Thermal hot pools, some with waterfalls are interspersed with cold pools and saunas. Lounge chairs, hammocks, hammock chairs, and reading pavilions with wood fires are available for those who just want to sit and read and relax or listen to music.
Nordik spa is designed around the ancient Nordic ritual of thermotherapy, a treatment that alternates between hot and cold temperatures, followed by a rest period.
Thermotherapy deeply cleanses the body, eliminates toxins and can help with injury, chronic pain, rheumatism, arthritis, depression and sleeping. To truly embrace the full spa experience, you’re supposed to complete the entire cycle three times.
We started the morning in the social area with its infinity pool and magnificent views of Gatineau Park and the city of Ottawa. It was a cool, cloudy day, so the warm bubbles of the thermal pool felt wonderful as we chatted and caught up with Dave’s sister.
Clare embraced the full spa experience, opting to do a cold plunge next, but I figured I get enough cold water immersion experience swimming in my lake, so I went for a sauna and some hammock time instead.
Grace’s favourite was the heated rock bed sauna. It was so relaxing, a person fell asleep and was snoring!
After a few hours of thermal pools and saunas, we enjoyed a delicious lunch in their Finalandia restaurant. One of the things I love most about Quebec is you never get a bad meal and their restaurant is excellent. We enjoyed a cheese board, roasted red pepper hummous, broccoli soup, brisket sandwich on focaccia bread topped off with a tiramisu cheesecake and warm chocolate brownie with ice cream.
As the afternoon sun finally peeped out, we finished the day where we started, chatting in the thermal pool and looking over the gorgeous views of Gatineau Park.
Grace kept asking me what we should do next, and I would reply, “Whatever you want, that’s the beauty of this place.”
This week’s #HappyAct is to pamper yourself at a spa day. Enjoy!
Happy Act 