Dear Santa: A few years ago I wrote you a letter with a special Christmas list. I know your elves have been working hard on some of the items, like longer ranges for EV vehicles, but it’s been awhile, so I thought I would send you a new list. Here it is:

• Ask retailers to go back to making the old Christmas lights where you only had to replace one bulb in a strand when it went out, instead of having to buy a whole new strand
• Just once for Bentley to not bark to come in the minute after I sit down
• Get rid of Daylight Savings Time once and for all so it’s light until at least 5 o’clock at night
• Make the NFL go back to the old kicking rules. Whatever deranged Grinch came up with the idea of notifying the other team in advance of an onside kick should have coal put in his stocking, and watching teams line up like tin soldiers waiting for the receiver to catch the ball during kick-offs is like listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas album on replay
• Bring the price of bacon and hot dogs back below $8 so we can eat meat again
• And end to the Canada Post strike–oh wait, I forgot, no one cares
• Put the CEO of Ticketmaster on your naughty list for making it easy for people to steal your ticket by transferring it and forcing people to use their app instead of just downloading tickets to your phone
• Reclaim the 407 so anyone can drive on it for free and reduce the ridiculous congestion on the 401
• Get the elves at Costco to stop with all the excess packaging

Oh yeah, and of course, peace in the Middle East, an end to the war in the Ukraine, and a cure for f**in cancer.

And if you can’t grant me any of those wishes, I’ll take a Toblerone and bottle of Cabot Maple Cream.

Happy Christmas!

Sincerely, Laurie.