A stranger walks into a bar

Two people sitting in a bar

I made a new friend last night. His name was Alan.

Alan was sitting alone reading the Globe and Mail and sipping a pint of Stella when Dave and I wandered into the Toucan pub in Kingston last night, killing time between two movies at the Kingston Canadian Film Festival.

We got to talking, as strangers are wont to do in a bar, the conversation starting with Trump and the situation in the US, then veering into Alan’s fascinating life.

A son of a diplomat, Alan spent his childhood living around the world in countries like Afghanistan, Pakistan, the Belgian Congo, Lebanon, Portugal, Spain, and Sweden. He shared one story from the time when he was a boy in Pakistan of one of the British dignitaries’ wives separating the children into teams of colonials versus locals for games at a British garden party.

When he graduated from university, he became a land technician with the Ministry of Natural Resources, a job he said he absolutely adored. One project he led was researching all the treaties to create Petroglyphs Provincial Park in Peterborough. He shared how for thousands of years, the various Indigenous peoples of that region took turns scraping the moss from the Teaching Rocks, passing down the teachings from generation to generation.

When I had jokingly said we’d be better off if women were in leadership positions around the world when we were talking about Trump, he smiled and leaned in and talked more about the belief of Indigenous Peoples in Gitche Manitou, the “goddess of supreme being” and how women in Indigenous cultures were tasked with the most important role, taking care of the home and children.

After his time with the MNR, Alan founded his own communications company and started doing documentary work. He travelled to the Congo in 1995 to document the outbreak of Ebola. The stories he shared were fascinating. He said both the US and Russian armies were present, but not to help the dying and suffering. They were there to see if they could weaponize the virus. That never made it into the film.

Over the course of a few hours and pints, we talked about fishing, travelling, our children, the Montreal Canadiens, Canada-US relations and how lonely it can be living alone.

As we paid our bill and gathered up our coats to head out into the chilly February night, I gave Alan a big hug and said I hope we meet again. Two barflys, no longer strangers, now friends after sharing a special bond in a bar.

This week’s #HappyAct is to wander into a bar and make a new friend. Here are a few bar jokes to leave you smiling:

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”
The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”
The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”
The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”

A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon, his spurs clinking as he walks, his six-shooter slapping at his furry hip. He bellies up to the bar, stares down the bartender, and proclaims, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

Never stop singing

Audience at Choir Choir Choir event

Last week, I was lucky enough to attend a Choir Choir Choir performance at the Grand Theatre in Kingston, featuring the songbook of Queen and Freddie Mercury.

In case you are unfamiliar with Choir, Choir, Choir, it’s a performance where a duo called Daveed and Nobu sing and play guitar and conduct the audience in harmonies of their favourite songs. At a triple C performance, the audience is the star.

Choir Choir Choir is uniquely Canadian. It started in Toronto 14 years ago as a weekly drop-in for people who were looking for an outlet to sing. Since then, it has grown to be a popular mainstage show, the duo having performed at Carnegie Hall, Radio City Music Hall, and Massey Hall. They describe the experience as equal parts singing, comedy, and community building. Their motto is “Never stop singing”.

It was surprising to see how quickly the audience came out of their shell. As adults, we tend to be self-conscious when we sing, especially if we aren’t blessed with a great voice, but the sheer joy of the music and the experience quickly drowned out our fears and feelings of self-consciousness, and soon everyone was singing in full voice.

It is a powerful thing to hear voices raised in song, singing with passion and commitment. When the crowd sang the Canadian national anthem at the recent Four Nations Cup hockey tournament in Montreal, it was an incredibly moving and galvanizing moment for Canadians. I wish I had been there to experience it.

For “You’re My Best Friend”, they asked the audience to videochat a bestie during the song. My friend Leslie was laughing as I sang to her “been with you such a long time, you’re my sunshine”…

When it came time for the encore, Bohemian Rhapsody, Daveed and Nobu invited people to join them on stage to sing and dance along.

A few interesting facts about Bohemian Rhapsody, arguably the best rock song of all time. When it was first released in 1975, it immediately went to #1 on the charts in almost every country in the world, except the US where it climbed only to #9. The song found a whole new generation of fans and hit #1 on the charts again in 1992 when Canadian Mike Meyers’ Wayne’s World was released.

As we sang Scaramouche, scaramouche can you do the fandango, we were all on our feet, singing at the top of our lungs. Watch the video below to see the crowd erupt on stage during the guitar solo.

I walked out of the theatre feeling joyous and uplifted. People were smiling, laughing, singing and humming, with one lady singing Don’t Stop Believing loudly in a vestibule. Oh, what a night.

This week’s #HappyAct is to never stop singing. Let’s take a pledge going forward to all sing our National Anthem out loud at events instead of standing in respectful silence.

So this is Christmas

Writers group at Kingston Seniors Association

So this is Christmas, and what have you done?

On Friday, at my last writer’s group meeting of 2024, one of our group members Joanne wanted to share something she had written in the spirit of the season. She called it “So this is Christmas” and started with the immortal verse John Lennon wrote more than 40 years ago during the Vietnam War for the song Happy Xmas/War is Over.

As Joanne read her heartfelt piece of thanks and gratitude, I looked around the room and thought about how grateful I was to be a part of this interesting group of people and how much I have learned from them in the four short months since I joined the group.

I’ve learned about botany, the undercover world of police work and drug busts, life in the Congo in the 1950s, the wild ponies in the New Forest in Hampshire, growing up on the Isle of Wight and so much more.

Some of us are writing novels, others short stories, and some their memoirs. All of us share a love and passion for writing.

But as much as writing brought us together, it is the people and camaraderie that make us come back each week.

There’s Franklin, our kind, patient leader who reminds us he will ring the bell if we go over time when sharing our work, but hasn’t rung it once since I’ve joined.

There’s Dorothy Anne, our skilled master, always with an encouraging word, tip or suggestion to improve our writing.

There’s Wayne, our pastry muse who scours the local bakeries to feed our minds and souls and lets us choose not just one, but two delectable treats, one to eat in class and one to take home.

There’s Sister Maureen, Greta and Pamela who honour us by sharing a glimpse into the fascinating lives they’ve lived each week.

There’s Mo, who shared such a moving piece a few weeks ago describing the sounds of a home filled with children, and the heartbreaking silence when they become adults and move out, that it took three members to finish reading it as each person welled up with tears.

As I was thinking about this group and Joanne’s words, she shared this, “It’s true we cannot change what is happening around the world and often not even in our own communities, so we may think, ‘Why bother?’ or ‘What can I do?’. The answer is plenty, and it all starts with kindness.”

So, this is Christmas. What have you done? Another year is over and a new one begun. Let’s all take a page from my writer’s group, and start the year with kindness.

A jolly junket for the veriest of Grinches

Dave at Riverhill Farm

I love Christmas. Dave hates Christmas. This makes for an interesting dynamic in our household as the holidays become near.

To be fair, Dave doesn’t really hate Christmas. He laments the commercialism of the holiday and despises stores putting decorations out and playing Christmas music in November. But as December creeps upon us, my grinch’s heart warms to holiday traditions and Christmas cheer.

On Friday, I planned the jolliest of jaunts to help my humbugger of a husband get into the holiday spirit.

We drove up to Sharbot Lake for their annual Festival of Trees, a fundraiser for Villages Beautiful, a local organization that raises money for beautification projects in Central Frontenac.

As we walked down the street to the Oso Hall, a nearby church piped cheery Christmas carols that floated through the air like Santa’s sleigh.

We entered the hall where a band and choir were singing Christmas tunes and the smell of hot chocolate and cider permeated the air. We admired the festive trees decorated by local businesses and service organizations and placed our raffle tickets for our chance to win gift baskets, artwork and beautiful prizes.

After a quick visit with friends, we headed to our next destination: Riverhill Farm in Ompah to see North Frontenac’s largest light display.

We had read about this local family who began opening their 20-acre farm to visitors for their light display in 2014, but were still unprepared for the treat that lay before us.

We drove down a long driveway lined by cedar rail posts decorated with Christmas lights to the entrance. A beautiful log cabin surrounded by stately trees laden with lights greeted us, along with an animatronics display of four smiling Christmas trees singing Have a Holly Jolly Christmas.

We first took a drive through the light display (you can drive through it or walk), then parked and walked. A sliver moon peeped out from behind the clouds and we marvelled at the different displays: a small white chapel in a field, a grinch and his sleigh, a white present with red bow on top that was so big you could walk through it, candy canes, Christmas trees and glittering balls.

Sometimes light displays can almost verge on the tacky. Not at Riverhill Farm. My favourite was the beautiful large oaks and maples decorated with ribbon lights along the trunks and different coloured lights in swaths along the branches.

As we wandered around the 200,000 sparkling lights amidst the newfallen snow, my grinch’s hardened heart grew two times that night.

Dave said if he lived near Riverhill Farm, he’d come every night to see the light display.

This week’s #HappyAct is to plan a jolly jaunt to make even the hardened of Grinch’s hearts grow with holiday cheer.

If you plan to visit: The farm is open every night now until December 30. Admission is by donation. On Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights there are vendors, wagon rides and a concession stand selling hot chocolate, coffee, and our favourite, mini-doughnuts. For a special treat, plan on visiting Saturday, December 14 for the fireworks at 7 pm.

More Christmas light shows: My loyal readers will know I have a thing for Christmas light shows. Read more about the tradition of Christmas lights in “Enjoy the Wizards Light Show”.

Light display
Light display
Light display
Light display
Me and Dave at Riverhill Farm

Throw a surprise party

Four guys at a brewery

There is something to be said about the element of surprise.

Yesterday, I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for Dave at Spearhead Brewing Company in Kingston. It was meant to be a low-key affair since he is still recovering from knee replacement surgery, but it turned out to be a raucous good time with many friends and former co-workers coming out to wish him well, followed by an after-party at our house with some close friends and neighbours.

Our family has a long tradition of holding surprise parties. When I turned 30, Dave and my friend John McMurray conspired to throw a big party at his house in Erin. I thought we were just having a quiet dinner and didn’t even put on any make-up that night, only to walk into a full room of thirty of our closest friends jumping out yelling surprise.

On Dave’s 40th, I rented the downstairs of a restaurant in Kingston and invited all our friends from Toronto and Kingston. There was lots of food, a blow-up doll and I even roped four couples into playing the Newlywed Game. My friend Jill dressed for the occasion in a leopard jacket and thigh-high boots, and I surprised Dave and my brother-in-law Lloyd with tickets to the Grey Cup the next day.

For my 50th, Dave plotted with my boss Julie to throw a big birthday bash at lunch at a restaurant downtown with all my co-workers from Empire Life. It was such a fun time and I even got the afternoon off.

Fast forward another decade (where does the time go?) to yesterday. It was such a special day. Our friend Lorna showed up with snowshoes and Christmas lights on her back since she was walking in the Kingston Santa Claus parade after with the Rideau Trail Club. Dave’s sister and husband, my brother and our cottage neighbour Mark came all the way from Hamilton and Toronto for the party, and there was lots of laughs had, beer drunk, and fish stories told. As Dave said, it was a wonderful intersection of the many cherished friends and connections we’ve made over the years since moving to this area.

The only thing that could have made the day more special was if the girls and their boyfriends could have celebrated with us, but we had a lovely family birthday celebration the week before.

To all our friends who came out to raise a glass with us yesterday, first, I salute you. You brilliantly kept it secret and a surprise, sending texts with good wishes in the morning so Dave wouldn’t suspect a thing. You are the best!

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for coming and for making Kingston’s newest 60-year sexagenarian who is usually a grump on his birthday a very happy guy.

Photos: (above) our friends Jon and Mark, my brother Don and Dave; Jon is giving me the finger on behalf of Dave for planning a surprise party behind his back.

Below: Our friends Ally and Tony, me, Carolyn and Michael; the gang having a good time–so great to see everyone mingling!; our friend Lorna all lit up for the Kingston Santa Clause parade; Lorna and our friend John’s daughter Maria; Dave and his sister Liz.

Friends drinking beer
People mingling at a bar
Woman with snowshoes lit up with Christmas lights
Woman and a girl with cake
My husband Dave and his sister

Secrets to happiness from around the globe

Sign with definition of Gezellig

Every country has its own unique belief system and language to describe happiness. Let’s take a quick trip around the world to see how other cultures seek and find happiness:

Joyous Icelanders embrace theta reddast, the belief that everything will work out in the end.

Italians believe dolce far niente, the sweetness of doing nothing.

In France, people exude joie de vivre, the joy of living.

Chinese xing fu is the art of finding your purpose.

The Dutch celebrate Gezellig, time spent with loved ones in a convivial and cozy atmosphere.

Germans believe in ruhe, finding peace and quiet.

And then there are the Scandinavians–the Danes known for hygge, the art of creating comfort and coziness and the Finns who value sisu, having the psychological strength to overcome extraordinary challenges.

Some countries have embedded happiness into their political and economic systems. Bhutan measures Gross National Happiness instead of GDP based on four pillars: ecological sustainability, preservation and promotion of a free and resilient culture, good governance and equality before the law, and sustainable and equitable socio-economic development.

I think North Americans could learn much about happiness from these other cultures. The ones that resonated most with me were the sweetness of doing nothing, finding peace and quiet, and believing everything will work out in the end. Which ones resonated most with you?

If you’d like to learn more about happiness around the globe, read The Atlas of Happiness: The Global Secrets of How to be Happy by Helen Russell. The common denominator in all these cultures? The power of positivity goes a long way. Have a happy week.

Try a new sport like Stocksport

Stocksport lanes with stocks and daube in the middle

I once worked with a fellow who said never try a new sport after 50. He said if you’ve played a sport like hockey or skiing all your life, you can keep doing it well into your 70s or 80s, but never start a new sport after 50 because it was a recipe for disaster.

I’ve recently started playing stocksport or ice stock with our local South Frontenac Stockport Club.

Ice stock is a winter sport that originated in Austria and Southern Germany. It’s like curling, but instead of throwing rocks, you throw stocks into the house. In the summer, it’s called stocksport when you play on a concrete surface and in winter it’s known as ice stock when you play on ice.  

Teams of four slide their stocks to get closest to a round rubber target that looks like a puck called the “daube” which is placed in the middle of the house. The daube moves which makes the game more interesting and adds an extra layer of strategy from curling. You also can switch out the plates on the stock to make your stock go faster (for take-outs) and slower.

Ice Stock Sport has been demonstrated at the Winter Olympic Games on two occasions.

While stocksport isn’t widely known in Canada, there is a devoted group of stockers and our little club punches well above its weight, sending members to the World Championships and competing internationally.

For anyone looking for a new sport or pastime, I’d highly recommend it. It’s a highly social game, so it’s a great way to meet new people in your area, easy to learn and play (I’m already getting the hang of it), and fun.

What I love most about our South Frontenac Stocksport Club is how warm and welcoming everyone is. The club includes people from ages 10 to 80 from all walks of life. Everyone is treated equally and greeted with a smile and encouraging word, no matter how new to the sport you are or how good you are.

Yesterday the club held its annual tournament. My team placed third out of eight teams, winning the bronze prize (our choice of coolers, awesome!)

This week’s #HappyAct is to try a new sport. To learn more about the South Frontenac Stocksport Club, follow them on Facebook.

Competitors throwing stocks in stocksport
Competitors pointing at stocks in tournament

The little lending library that could

Me and Clare beside a little lending library in Pennsylvania

Last week, during my regular lunchtime walk, I stopped at a little lending library outside one of the old beautiful limestone homes that grace this area.

I don’t always stop when I see little lending libraries, but sometimes I do. I looked inside and saw more than 50 packets of seeds in addition to the regular array of books.

I decided to help myself to some watermelon and malva seeds and found two books on my reading wish list: The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein and The Beautiful Mystery by Louise Penny.

Next week I’ll replenish my neighbour’s little lending library with a couple of books from my own bookcase I’ve read.

The origins of the original Little Free Library begain in 2009 when a Wisconsin fellow by the name of Todd Bol built a model of a one-room schoolhouse and put it on a post on his front yard and filled it with books with a sign, “Take a book, share a book” .

He built more, and soon it became a movement with others doing the same. According to littlefreelibrary.org, today there are more than 150,000 registered little free lending libraries in the world. There’s even a mobile app so you can find the one nearest you. In many communities, little lending food pantries have appeared, stocking canned goods or even fresh vegetables from people’s gardens.

The story of the little lending library that could is a tale of inspiration and hope. It embodies all that is good in a world where sometimes it’s hard to see the good: people helping others and their community through an action as small as sharing a book or a packet of seeds.

This week’s #HappyAct is to take a book or share a book. If you’re really ambitious and want to build your own, check out these 10 designs from familyhandyman.com.

two books and two seed packets

Photos: I didn’t have my phone with me during my walk, but here’s a picture of a little lending library we visit in Clark’s Summit, Pennsylvania on our trips down south. Above: my treasures from my latest haul from my little lending library near my work.

Happier Together

child smiling in Kinshasa

This Wednesday, March 20 is the International Day of Happiness. The day was declared by the UN in 2012 to recognize that happiness is a fundamental human right and to encourage nations and individuals to spread happiness and make happiness a priority.

The theme the UN has chosen this year is #HappierTogether. Here is a picture from their photo album of people from all over the world smiling, happier together.

It’s such a poignant theme. As individuals and societies, we’ve withdrawn from human connection, partly out of necessity from COVID-19, but also self-imposed.

Technology has only exacerbated this trend. We delude ourselves into thinking we’re more connected now by cell phones and technology, but these devices have somehow divided us, becoming platforms for discordant voices and viewpoints or have become something we hide behind instead of doing the real work of connecting with people in person.

Even our work lives have become more isolating with millions of workers now not even leaving their homes to experience human connection.

There are certain groups that are at higher risk of being unhappy in isolation, seniors and youth being two critical demographics.

After COVID, I blogged about “languishing” and wondering why I wasn’t chomping at the bit to get out and reconnect with people again. I concluded that it wasn’t because I had social anxiety and didn’t miss people, I just didn’t have the energy to re-enter the world.

It’s time. Time for us to reach out, be kind to each other, and understand that without human connection, most of us will never truly be happy.

It’s time to find the energy and make a conscious effort to be happier together.

This week’s #HappyAct is to do something to be happier together. Volunteer in your community, invite a neighbour over for a drink, check in on a senior. Post a picture of you smiling this week with people who make you happy and who you enjoy spending time with.

Happy International Day of Happiness!

My family smiling and acting goofy

Me and Elmo sending hugs

Elmo from Sesame Street

A few days after Bell Let’s Talk Day, everyone’s favourite furry monster from Sesame Street, Elmo asked a simple 9-word question on Twitter (X): “Elmo is just checking in! How is everybody doing?”

It unleashed a tidal wave of responses, over 55,000 to be exact including celebrities like Chance the Rapper and Rainn Wilson and the usual brands trying to capitalize on what’s trending. They were raw, sad, and hurting. Here were some of the replies.

man's tweet about his wife left him
Oreo cookie tweet "ran out of milk"
Man's tweet about being depressed and broke
man's tweet asking Elmo if he has a mortgage
man's tweet saying he feels like oscar the grouch
Rainn Wilson's response to elmo of being at a crossroads
man's response to Elmo
Depressed winnie the pooh
Dominos pizza oven on fire

As I was reading the comments of people pouring their hearts and souls onto the page, I felt tears well up in my eyes. How can there be so many people feeling so sad and hopeless in the world? Even the brands didn’t try to sugar coat it with Oreo leading the pack saying we ran out of milk.

The one that resonated with me the most was the GIF of a stick character in fast motion getting out of bed, going to their computer, working all day, then going back to bed and doing it over and over again. That’s the way I felt when I was working from home during COVID.

Elmo sent this beautiful note to everyone who took the time to respond:

Elmo saying he's glad he asked and checked in on people

So to all of you reading this who may be feeling sad or disheartened right now, me and Elmo send hugs. I’m giving out free hugs all this week to anyone I see who needs one (the best Valentine’s Day present someone can give).  

Here’s to sunnier days, sweeping the clouds away where the air is sweet, friendly neighbours meet and every door opens wide to happy people like you and me.

Love Laurie and Elmo