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Marriage is a life sentence

 

Bagpiper husband
My bagpiping partner in crime

Yesterday was my 23rd wedding anniversary. I always think of my father-in-law on our anniversary. John used to joke that “If I had murdered your mother instead of marrying her all those years ago, I’d be out on day parole by now.”

John and Donna were into their third life sentence when she passed away this year—they would have celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary in June.

Dave and I always say that we’re inmates for life now—the proverbial ball and chain. We’re pretty sure no one else would put up with our foibles and habits.

There’s no right or wrong way to live your life. Married, single, divorced, kids, no kids, it’s just how life unfolds. Elizabeth Taylor was married seven times. You could look at her life and say that’s seven divorces, or you could look at it and say she lived a life full of romance and was blessed to have seven loves of her life. That’s pretty great.

My life sentence is to share a cell with a big bagpiper with a big heart. He’s been a wonderful partner in crime in this crazy institution called life and I love him to bits.

This week’s #HappyAct is to thank or do something special for your partner in life or crime who supports you. Just don’t bake a cake for them with a knife in it.

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The science of happiness — Part 2

Who do you think is more happy? Lottery winners or paraplegics?

The answer might surprise you. Instead of giving it away, this week’s #HappyAct is to watch this Ted Talk by Dan Gilbert, the author of Stumbling on Happiness.

Gilbert challenges the idea that we’ll be miserable if we don’t get what we want. In fact, our “psychological immune system” lets us feel truly happy even when things don’t go as planned.

The reason why is based in science. As the human brain evolved, it developed a part called the pre-frontal cortex. The pre-frontal cortex allows humans to simulate experiences, and imagine what something will be like in their head before trying it in real life.

This allows us to synthesize happiness, and as Gilbert says, synthetic happiness is every bit as real and and enduring as natural happiness.

Pete Best, the original drummer for the Beatles was once quoted as saying, “I’m happier than I would have been with the Beatles.”

Being happy with our lot in life is a lesson we can all learn.

Read the Science of Happiness Part 1—to what degree is our happiness pre-ordained?

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Thank a community leader

Charity cheque presentation
Brit Smith from Homestead Land Holdings presents $3 million to the UHKF, Susan Creasey is on the far right

Years ago, when I first moved to Kingston and was involved in a charity event, I called someone named Brit Smith to ask him for a donation for our cause. He said yes.

Brit Smith has been saying yes to the Kingston community for 50 years. Recently, he pledged to donate the remaining $3 million dollars needed to Kingston General Hospital to purchase and install a new MRI machine. He was moved to make such a generous donation after hearing that up to 1,000 people may be waiting for scans. Thanks to his donation, KGH will get the machine a year earlier than planned.

I found this wonderful Kingston Whig-Standard article about him published last year when he was awarded the rank of Knight of the French National Order of the Legion of Honour for his role and service in the second World War. He’s 95 now and still is active in his family-run business, Homestead Land Holdings going into the office every day.

I’ve never met Brit Smith. Some day I would like to meet him and thank him in person for saying yes to me all those years ago and for his generous ongoing support of our community.

We are so lucky to have so many incredibly gifted, generous people in our community who devote their time and energy to helping others.

This week’s #HappyAct is to thank a community leader. Send them a tweet, an email, a note on LinkedIn or give them a call. Here are a few leaders I would like to personally thank:

Thank you Bhavana Varma and the United Way for being such an inspiration, force for change and voice for those in need in our community.

Thank you Sheila and Peter Kingston, Susan Nicholson and Les Herr, and Susan Creasey. And thank you, Brit Smith.

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When it rains, it pours

 

lake and rainI’m sitting in my sunroom looking out at the rain gently fall on the lake. It’s been a tough week on all fronts–work, home life, worrying about the health of loved ones and challenges at every turn.

One of those weeks where you wonder what more can life throw at you.

It can seem almost overwhelming at times. What do you do to get through when life pours down on you?

During the last three days in Toronto, when I spent more than 12 hours in traffic shuttling back and forth between work and Joseph Brant Hospital, I tried to snatch a few precious moments where I could to forget life’s worries.

A short walk in the rain. Treating myself to a frothy overpriced McDonald’s latte.

I came home, hugged my children, slipped into my hot tub, then curled up with my daughters to watch a movie. My worries were still there, but I was home, and with the people I loved, and all of a sudden my problems didn’t seem as insurmountable.

This week’s #HappyAct is to find a few moments of happiness when life pours down on you. Here’s to a better week.

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The Great Canadian Debate

poutineElection season is in full swing. There isn’t a day goes by where you don’t see Justin, Stephen, Thomas or Elizabeth promising some tax cut or infusion into the local economy at their latest whistle stop on the campaign trail.

There are some very real, important issues this election—the looming recession, economic growth, health care, separatism, the environment.

Today I want to address one of the greatest debates this country has ever seen: who has the best poutine.

I discovered the answer to this question of national importance a few weeks ago when our friend Tony brought us the brisket poutine from The Big Smoke food truck on Highway 38 in Harrowsmith.

It was poutine heaven. Huge white curds melting on crispy, perfectly-cooked fries with smoke-infused beef gravy dripping with flavour. The piece de resistance was huge chunks of tender Texan-style brisket that melted in your mouth. I inhaled it in minutes.

This week’s #HappyAct is to take part in this national pastime and vote for your favourite poutine. Visit my new friends at The Big Smoke and tell me what you think. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed–and that’s one campaign promise you can count on.

Here’s just something for fun. Find out your taste in men, based on how you like your poutine, from Buzzfeed. I got the lumbersexual bad boy— “a badass dude who has a majestic beard and makes homemade french fries using a manual potato slicer”. See what your taste cooks up!

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Chase the checkered flag

Girl in go-kart
This pic of Clare says it all

With summer approaching the finish line, we shift gears from lazing on the dock to back to school planning and preparation. But before we cross that finish, we try to squeeze in as many fun activities as possible during those last few laps.

Last weekend we doubled the fun and took our pit crew of eight birthday party goers go-karting.

I’m not a speed demon on the highway. I’m a very responsible driver, but on a go-kart track, all that changes. As soon as they start your engines, I apply full throttle to the gas and speed out of the gate, rallying driving through the course and trying not to brake on the curves.

Mom and girl in a go-kart
Go-kart selfie

It was especially fun watching the kids tear up the track. You can see it on their face. The feeling of power and control of operating their own motorized vehicle, and sheer joy and exhilaration of racing at high speeds and beating the adults. The grins were a mile wide.

I had a flash back while we waiting to go on the track of one girls weekend where we had booked to go tree top trekking at the new rope course and zipline at Santa’s Village in Gravenhurst. The only other time I had been ziplining was in Costa Rica in the mountains and rainforest, so I was pretty disappointed when we arrived and the entire course was in a compound that was barely a few hundred feet wide. It was their opening weekend and they overbooked, so we spent most of our time waiting on the ground or on the tree platforms. I was bored out of my skull in about 10 minutes.

As I’m standing up on the platform in the trees, I can hear the roar of go-karts to the right of me. All I could think of was getting behind the wheel and ripping up the course. I’m ashamed to admit I bailed on my girlfriends and spent the rest of the day on the go-kart track instead of testing my mettle tree trekking.

This week’s #HappyAct is to start your engines and cross the checkered line at your local go-karting track. Plan a few fun things to do this last week of summer. Have fun everyone.

Girl in go-kart
Grace in car 71
Go-karts
A beautiful night for a race
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Go to the drive-in

Girls at the drive-inThere aren’t many things today that take you back to your youth and simpler times. The drive-in is one of them.

When Dave and I were dating, he drove a 1969 Wildcat convertible. We’d pile six of us in the Wildcat, and with elbow room to spare, watch the latest big screen double feature at the drive-in on Ford Drive in Oakville.

There aren’t many drive-ins left today. I read somewhere that more than 4,000 drive-ins have gone dark in North America in the last 40 years, a victim to urbanization and development. If you have one left in your community, consider yourself lucky.

Selfie at the drive-inIn Kingston, our drive-in is Kingston Family Fun World and it’s everything a drive-in should be and more. Last night we took Clare and six of her friends there for her birthday. It was a perfect night. The kids raced around as the sun set, a half crescent moon rose in the sky and there was just enough chill in the air to make curling up in a blanket under a lawn chair inviting.

A perfect night…except for the eight kids in the back of the car.

This week’s #HappyAct is to go to the drive-in. Order a big bucket of popcorn and a monster drink that will make you have to go the washroom twenty minutes into the first feature. Just don’t forget your flashlight so you can find your way to the concession stand in the dark.

Drive-in

 

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Rise and shine

Lake in the morningI’m not a morning person. Most Saturday and Sunday mornings, you’ll find me drinking coffee and reading the papers. But in the summer, when the sun is sparkling on the lake, I’ll get up early, fill a thermos with coffee and head down to the water to watch the lake come to life.

I wiped the morning dew from the deck chairs and drank my Cooke’s coffee. A lone painted turtle poked his head above the water. Across the lake, the loons were in the midst of early morning take-off practice.

Did I mention that our loons had twins this year? We’ve named this year’s offspring Leo and Lana and they’ve grown big and strong. Today was the day their parents decided to start flight training.

Loons are lousy flyers. I have no idea how they make it to the Gulf of Mexico each winter. They skim across the lake, their wings laboriously slapping the water. Just when you think they’re never going to make it, like a 300 lb man being dragged behind a boat on waterskis, they eventually rise out of the water and you hear the flap, flap, flap of their wings as they circle overhead.

Loon and babies

The other night, Dave and I were out fishing, and we watched as one of our loons botched a landing. He was careening in from the air, trying to level out as he got close to the water, tipping his wings right, then left and hit the water so hard it’s a wonder he didn’t lose a leg. Another time, I swear I almost got hit by one. We were in the canoe and off in the distance ahead, a loon was starting to take off. He must have misjudged the distance between him and our canoe, because he kept coming closer and closer until he lifted off just metres before our boat. He was so close I literally ducked.

I wanted to go see our loon family, so I rolled over the kayak and pushed off from shore. I always check my kayak before I start paddling in case there are any bugs, frogs or other creatures in it. Half way across the lake I realized I had a stowaway– a little garter snake who was slithering up beside my seat. He was a well behaved passenger and just curled up in front of my kayak for the rest of the trip.

Garter snake in kayak
My stowaway

I saw a green heron, a family of five turtles on the rock down from our dock while I was swimming and lots of fish. It was a good morning–well worth rising early for.

This week’s #HappyAct is to rise and shine and see what adventures await. There’s only a few weeks of summer left. Make the most of every sun-kissed minute.

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Nominate an amazing place

Holleford Crater
Holleford Crater

Recently I spent two weeks in Ireland with my girlfriends. To say it was an amazing vacation is probably an understatement. Ireland is a country full of amazing places and we were lucky enough to discover and explore many of them in our travels.

The Frontenac Arch biosphere, where I live is another amazing place in the world, and they are asking people to nominate an amazing place in our region before September 3, 2015. Long Point and Georgian Bay biospheres are also asking for nominations.

I know how lucky I am to live in Canada and Frontenac County. The Frontenac Arch biosphere is a unique palette of rich fields, limestone, granite, towering pines and crystal blue lakes. It was designated by UNESCO in 2002 as globally significant for its diversity of plant and animal life and geographic features.

I’ve been thinking for the last couple of weeks about which place I would nominate and I’ve decided to nominate three amazing places.

1) Wintergreen Studios on Canoe Lake Road near Westport. Wintergreen is a non-profit year-round education and retreat that hosts programs on the arts and the environment on its 200 acres. We discovered Wintergreen about five years ago and I still think what they are doing there is amazing and commendable. The main lodge is made entirely from straw. We’ve attended some of their music nights, where you get a scrumptious catered meal, followed by terrific music. What makes this place truly amazing is the passion and commitment of Rena Upitis, its founder to educate people on off the grid and sustainable living and to provide people with a unique and beautiful retreat to spark creativity.

2) SpindleTree Gardens in Tamworth. You may remember I blogged last year about this very special place. When I was in Ireland, I toured many beautiful gardens nestled among ruins and castles. I think SpindleTree rivals these great gardens for its beauty, creativity and for the vision of its owners to carve out a piece of paradise from the Canadian shield that reflects and retains the geographical features of this area. It is an amazing place.

3) The Holleford Crater, mainly because it’s just down the road and I think it’s kinda cool that we have a crater formed by a meteor that struck the earth 550 millions of years ago in our own backyard. There is a plaque there that says the meteor was travelling 55,000 kms an hour and blasted a hole 244 metres deep and 2.5 kms wide. That’s pretty amazing.

Now it’s your turn. This week’s #HappyAct is to nominate an amazing place by September 3. Share it here—I somehow doubt the Holleford Crater will make the list but you’ll thank me when you make the trip up here to see it. (Ok, maybe you won’t, but if you drop in, I’ll at least give you a cold beer!)

Gardens
Spindletree Gardens
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What would you do: take the commons test

what would you doA psychology professor from the University of Maryland recently posed an offer to his class to earn extra credits for their term paper. The offer was they could choose to add two points or six points to their individual grade, but with one important catch. If more than 10% of the class selected six points, no one would get any extra marks.

This challenge went viral when one of his students shared it on Twitter. I read about it in this Toronto Star article.

More than 10% chose the six points, so none of the class got extra grades. In the 7-8 years he’s been doing this test, only one class achieved a 2 point increase for everyone. He said many professors in his field have been using this test for years with similar results.

What’s interesting about this challenge is it forces students to consider whether they should only focus on advancing their own interests, or think globally for the greater good.

I’ve always been a firm believer that as human beings we are inherently selfish. We are wired to think about ourselves first and act in a manner that forwards our own interests. The best we can do is to try to make choices that benefit us while benefitting others at the same time.

The professor uses this test to teach his students more than social psychology, but as a reality check for today’s generation. With real and very scary problems like global warming, limited food supply and other issues facing us on a global scale, the lesson here is obvious. We need to start thinking and acting globally, even if it means sacrificing individual gains in order to survive and thrive as a society.

Some of the insights in the article were fascinating. One study looked at the success hotels had in encouraging guests to reuse towels. Researchers found that it was more effective if the message appealed to social norms. The message “Join your fellow guests in helping save the environment” resulted in more guests reusing their towels than a direct plea to save the environment.

This week’s #HappyAct is to pass the commons test the next time you are challenged to choose between your own interests and the greater good. This is an election year in Canada. Let’s give the commons test new meaning as we prepare to elect representatives to our own House of Commons. Let’s demand our leaders do away with partisan politics and address and take action on the important issues that affect all Canadians and our planet.