Posted on in work

Office etiquette 101: dishing the dirt on topics that no one talks about at work

Half-eaten muffin

I could have never written this blog post when I was working, but now that I’m retired and office etiquette is a distant memory, I can finally dish the dirt on some behaviours at work that definitely don’t make your co-workers happy.

These aren’t your typical “don’t be late for a meeting”, “answer chats in a timely fashion”, or “stay home when you’re sick” etiquette tips. These are the dastardly things people do at work that everyone is afraid to talk about.

Start the new year off fresh by avoiding these office faux pas:

  • Eating the top of a muffin and leaving the bottom half in the box (yes, this actually happened to me during my last few weeks of work)
  • Leaving a jam in the photocopier
  • Listening to music or podcasts without earphones on
  • Being a chatty Cathy so much that people can’t get their work done
  • Eating loudly at your desk: I’ve had office mates who’ve crunched potato chips at 10 in the morning
  • Eating foods with strong odours like fish
  • Taking somebody else’s food or drinks (newsflash, it’s stealing)
  • Placing dirty dishes in the sink for someone else to clean up
  • Listening to people’s private phone conversations. Sometimes this is impossible to avoid, but always pretend like you didn’t hear anything unless your co-worker comments on the conversation. NEVER ask questions or insert yourself into the conversation.
  • Quick poll: Walking around the office without your shoes on. This never bothered me, but I know it’s taboo in some offices. How do others feel about this one?
  • And the ultimate, most disgusting habit that no one ever talks about but needs to be called out: leaving streaks in the toilet. I mean, c’mon. Who does that? Have you never heard of a courtesy flush?

Remember, as Michael Scott from The Office, said “If you don’t know who the annoying person in the office is… you’re it”. 

Of course, if you are one of the lucky few still working remotely, the only co-worker you probably have to worry about offending is of the four-legged variety. Yet another case for remote work.

Have a happy work week everyone!

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, science of happiness

It’s okay to be sad

happy and sad face pictures

People don’t talk about being sad anymore. They talk about being unhappy, struggling with their mental health or being depressed, but they don’t talk about being sad.

It’s like the word has been eradicated from our vocabulary.

This is a dangerous and disturbing trend because it presupposes that when we are sad, we have an illness or problem, when sadness is a natural emotion.

The other day I asked a friend how they were doing after spending the first Christmas without their Mom. My friend naturally admitted there were times she was sad, missing her mother very much.

Last week, we dropped Clare off at the airport in Ottawa. We knew it would be the last time we would see her until spring, and I was very sad for a day or two, missing her terribly as we returned to a quiet, empty house.

Author and happiness researcher Helen Russell in “How to Be Sad” says that in order to be happy, you need to allow yourself to be sad sometimes, but most people are terrified of being sad.

Exacerbating the problem is society’s newfound hyper-focus on mental health. We are so focused on mental health that there is a propensity to self-diagnose a deeper issue or problem when we may just be in fact, experiencing temporary, normal sadness.

We are often sad when we experience grief or loss, all inescapable emotions in life. If we are sad, it is because we’ve been blessed to have held something dear and joyous.

For example, as a parent, it is hard to watch your child experience heartbreak, but if they are sad from having their heart broken, it means they have lived and loved, and sadness and heartbreak are all part of the process of loving and finding the right person.

So the next time you find yourself feeling a little down, remember it’s okay to be sad.

Posted on in travel

Sweet serendipity makes for happy travels

Air India Memorial in Sheep's Head, Ireland

It’s January, the month millions of Canadians scour travel sites like Expedia, Travelzoo and Skyscanner looking for the best deals on trips south and overseas.

I’m always of two minds when I travel. Part of me wants to have a wide open itinerary and let faith and sweet serendipity dictate my travels. The other part, the realist in me, recognizes that you’d be crazy if you didn’t at least book accommodations in advance to reduce stress and so you know you have a bed to sleep in at night.

I know someone who has to have every minute detail planned to the last minute when they travel. It’s almost become an obsession. They know what activities they will do, where they will eat and even what they are going to eat based on the restaurants’ online menus.

Personally, I think that takes some of the fun out of travelling.

Some of the most amazing days and experiences on my travels have been a result of sweet serendipity.

I remember when my best friend Leslie and I went to England and Wales for our 40th birthdays. We booked three days in London and one B&B in Bakewell in the north in advance, but that was it. We left the rest up to chance.

One night, as we were driving south through Wales, it seemed our strategy might backfire when we were unable to find accommodation. It was getting late and we finally ended up in this tiny village called Howie where we had the best Thai meal at our B&B followed by a night at the pub drinking with the locals.

The locals in the bar asked us if we had seen the Morris Men dancers in town that day. We hadn’t. Morris dancing is an ancient folk dance in the UK where bands of merry men enter villages and towns with bells and dance for the townsfolk. We drank to our bad luck, then packed our bags and headed south back into England to the tiny town of Arundel.

As we checked into the quaint B&B we were staying for the night, the host asked us if we had come to see the flowers. “What flowers?”, we asked. Once a year for three days in May, Arundel Cathedral is adorned with thousands of flowers along the aisle leading up to the altar. There is a different design each year and people come from hundreds of miles to visit the church.

Counting ourselves lucky to land in the town the exact same day the flowers were on display, we headed to the church. It was stunning. After we left the church, what did we see? The merry Morris dancers, performing in the town square. Pure serendipity.

For our 50th birthdays, we spent two weeks travelling around Ireland. My favourite day by far was the day we ventured off the beaten path to tour around one of the deserted peninsulas, The Sheep’s Head, which juts off south of the town of Bantry into the Atlantic Ocean.

As we traversed the desolate windswept shoreline, we stumbled upon a memorial for the Air India crash in 1985. We hadn’t seen it in any guidebooks (most guidebooks don’t even mention this head), but it was a spectacular, moving stop and one of the highlights of our trip.

Yes, sometimes the best plan is to have no plan at all.

This week’s #HappyAct is to remember to leave some things up to chance as you start making your travel plans in 2025. Happy travels!

flowers in Arundel Church

Above: the Air India Memorial in Sheep’s Head, Ireland and the carpet floral display at Arundel Cathedral in England

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, retirement, work

The top 12 Happy Acts of 2024

Author at a work booth before their retirement

Another year of happy acts have come and gone. Here is my round-up of the top happy acts of 2024. Happy reading!

On climate change, work, and the world we live in

Inspiration and mental health

On parenting, retirement and my friend Harry

Posted on in environment, holidays, nature, photography, poetry

Walking in a winter wonderland

Pine trees in snow

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where treetops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

Outside snowflakes are falling
Our sleds and skis in tow
A sense of joy fills the air
We haven’t a care
Playing in a wonderland of snow

The lake is frozen over
The world is frosty and grand
Birds share their singsong
As we sing along
In a wintery fairy land

Love and happiness surround us
As we stroll hand in hand
It’s a beautiful sight
All is merry and bright
Walking in a winter wonderland

The world is peaceful and quiet
A bed of fresh fallen snow
The sky sparkles with light
Before the still, silent night
With lights all warm and aglow

So throw your arms up to the sky
In the snow on Christmas day
May it be merry and bright
Every Christmas be white
And all your troubles be far away

Ed note: Living in Eastern Ontario, it’s not Christmas without snow. It will be a white Christmas this year and that makes me happy. I took these photos on one of my walks this week after a fresh snowfall and wrote this mash-up of several favourite Christmas songs that includes lyrics from Irving Berlin’s White Christmas, Sarah McLachlan’s Wintersong, It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas by Meredith Willson and Sleigh Ride by Leroy Anderson, plus a few verses of my own. If you’re a musician, feel free to put them to music!

I hope everyone has a very peaceful and joyous Christmas. Be sure to check back for next week’s #HappyAct, my annual round-up of top happy acts of 2024.

tree with snow and blue sky
snow covered trees
Swamp covered in snow
Dog on a snowy lane
Posted on in arts, community, Hobbies, holidays, writing

So this is Christmas

Writers group at Kingston Seniors Association

So this is Christmas, and what have you done?

On Friday, at my last writer’s group meeting of 2024, one of our group members Joanne wanted to share something she had written in the spirit of the season. She called it “So this is Christmas” and started with the immortal verse John Lennon wrote more than 40 years ago during the Vietnam War for the song Happy Xmas/War is Over.

As Joanne read her heartfelt piece of thanks and gratitude, I looked around the room and thought about how grateful I was to be a part of this interesting group of people and how much I have learned from them in the four short months since I joined the group.

I’ve learned about botany, the undercover world of police work and drug busts, life in the Congo in the 1950s, the wild ponies in the New Forest in Hampshire, growing up on the Isle of Wight and so much more.

Some of us are writing novels, others short stories, and some their memoirs. All of us share a love and passion for writing.

But as much as writing brought us together, it is the people and camaraderie that make us come back each week.

There’s Franklin, our kind, patient leader who reminds us he will ring the bell if we go over time when sharing our work, but hasn’t rung it once since I’ve joined.

There’s Dorothy Anne, our skilled master, always with an encouraging word, tip or suggestion to improve our writing.

There’s Wayne, our pastry muse who scours the local bakeries to feed our minds and souls and lets us choose not just one, but two delectable treats, one to eat in class and one to take home.

There’s Sister Maureen, Greta and Pamela who honour us by sharing a glimpse into the fascinating lives they’ve lived each week.

There’s Mo, who shared such a moving piece a few weeks ago describing the sounds of a home filled with children, and the heartbreaking silence when they become adults and move out, that it took three members to finish reading it as each person welled up with tears.

As I was thinking about this group and Joanne’s words, she shared this, “It’s true we cannot change what is happening around the world and often not even in our own communities, so we may think, ‘Why bother?’ or ‘What can I do?’. The answer is plenty, and it all starts with kindness.”

So, this is Christmas. What have you done? Another year is over and a new one begun. Let’s all take a page from my writer’s group, and start the year with kindness.

Posted on in community, holidays, travel

A jolly junket for the veriest of Grinches

Dave at Riverhill Farm

I love Christmas. Dave hates Christmas. This makes for an interesting dynamic in our household as the holidays become near.

To be fair, Dave doesn’t really hate Christmas. He laments the commercialism of the holiday and despises stores putting decorations out and playing Christmas music in November. But as December creeps upon us, my grinch’s heart warms to holiday traditions and Christmas cheer.

On Friday, I planned the jolliest of jaunts to help my humbugger of a husband get into the holiday spirit.

We drove up to Sharbot Lake for their annual Festival of Trees, a fundraiser for Villages Beautiful, a local organization that raises money for beautification projects in Central Frontenac.

As we walked down the street to the Oso Hall, a nearby church piped cheery Christmas carols that floated through the air like Santa’s sleigh.

We entered the hall where a band and choir were singing Christmas tunes and the smell of hot chocolate and cider permeated the air. We admired the festive trees decorated by local businesses and service organizations and placed our raffle tickets for our chance to win gift baskets, artwork and beautiful prizes.

After a quick visit with friends, we headed to our next destination: Riverhill Farm in Ompah to see North Frontenac’s largest light display.

We had read about this local family who began opening their 20-acre farm to visitors for their light display in 2014, but were still unprepared for the treat that lay before us.

We drove down a long driveway lined by cedar rail posts decorated with Christmas lights to the entrance. A beautiful log cabin surrounded by stately trees laden with lights greeted us, along with an animatronics display of four smiling Christmas trees singing Have a Holly Jolly Christmas.

We first took a drive through the light display (you can drive through it or walk), then parked and walked. A sliver moon peeped out from behind the clouds and we marvelled at the different displays: a small white chapel in a field, a grinch and his sleigh, a white present with red bow on top that was so big you could walk through it, candy canes, Christmas trees and glittering balls.

Sometimes light displays can almost verge on the tacky. Not at Riverhill Farm. My favourite was the beautiful large oaks and maples decorated with ribbon lights along the trunks and different coloured lights in swaths along the branches.

As we wandered around the 200,000 sparkling lights amidst the newfallen snow, my grinch’s hardened heart grew two times that night.

Dave said if he lived near Riverhill Farm, he’d come every night to see the light display.

This week’s #HappyAct is to plan a jolly jaunt to make even the hardened of Grinch’s hearts grow with holiday cheer.

If you plan to visit: The farm is open every night now until December 30. Admission is by donation. On Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights there are vendors, wagon rides and a concession stand selling hot chocolate, coffee, and our favourite, mini-doughnuts. For a special treat, plan on visiting Saturday, December 14 for the fireworks at 7 pm.

More Christmas light shows: My loyal readers will know I have a thing for Christmas light shows. Read more about the tradition of Christmas lights in “Enjoy the Wizards Light Show”.

Light display
Light display
Light display
Light display
Me and Dave at Riverhill Farm
Posted on in holidays, humour

Dear Santa: My 2024 Christmas Wish List

Dog and Christmas arrangement

Dear Santa: A few years ago I wrote you a letter with a special Christmas list. I know your elves have been working hard on some of the items, like longer ranges for EV vehicles, but it’s been awhile, so I thought I would send you a new list. Here it is:

  • Ask retailers to go back to making the old Christmas lights where you only had to replace one bulb in a strand when it went out, instead of having to buy a whole new strand
  • Just once for Bentley to not bark to come in the minute after I sit down
  • Get rid of Daylight Savings Time once and for all so it’s light until at least 5 o’clock at night
  • Make the NFL go back to the old kicking rules. Whatever deranged Grinch came up with the idea of notifying the other team in advance of an onside kick should have coal put in his stocking, and watching teams line up like tin soldiers waiting for the receiver to catch the ball during kick-offs is like listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas album on replay
  • Bring the price of bacon and hot dogs back below $8 so we can eat meat again
  • And end to the Canada Post strike–oh wait, I forgot, no one cares
  • Put the CEO of Ticketmaster on your naughty list for making it easy for people to steal your ticket by transferring it and forcing people to use their app instead of just downloading tickets to your phone
  • Reclaim the 407 so anyone can drive on it for free and reduce the ridiculous congestion on the 401
  • Get the elves at Costco to stop with all the excess packaging

Oh yeah, and of course, peace in the Middle East, an end to the war in the Ukraine, and a cure for f**in cancer.

And if you can’t grant me any of those wishes, I’ll take a Toblerone and bottle of Cabot Maple Cream.

Happy Christmas!

Sincerely, Laurie.

Posted on in community, family, Food and drink, relationships

Throw a surprise party

Four guys at a brewery

There is something to be said about the element of surprise.

Yesterday, I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for Dave at Spearhead Brewing Company in Kingston. It was meant to be a low-key affair since he is still recovering from knee replacement surgery, but it turned out to be a raucous good time with many friends and former co-workers coming out to wish him well, followed by an after-party at our house with some close friends and neighbours.

Our family has a long tradition of holding surprise parties. When I turned 30, Dave and my friend John McMurray conspired to throw a big party at his house in Erin. I thought we were just having a quiet dinner and didn’t even put on any make-up that night, only to walk into a full room of thirty of our closest friends jumping out yelling surprise.

On Dave’s 40th, I rented the downstairs of a restaurant in Kingston and invited all our friends from Toronto and Kingston. There was lots of food, a blow-up doll and I even roped four couples into playing the Newlywed Game. My friend Jill dressed for the occasion in a leopard jacket and thigh-high boots, and I surprised Dave and my brother-in-law Lloyd with tickets to the Grey Cup the next day.

For my 50th, Dave plotted with my boss Julie to throw a big birthday bash at lunch at a restaurant downtown with all my co-workers from Empire Life. It was such a fun time and I even got the afternoon off.

Fast forward another decade (where does the time go?) to yesterday. It was such a special day. Our friend Lorna showed up with snowshoes and Christmas lights on her back since she was walking in the Kingston Santa Claus parade after with the Rideau Trail Club. Dave’s sister and husband, my brother and our cottage neighbour Mark came all the way from Hamilton and Toronto for the party, and there was lots of laughs had, beer drunk, and fish stories told. As Dave said, it was a wonderful intersection of the many cherished friends and connections we’ve made over the years since moving to this area.

The only thing that could have made the day more special was if the girls and their boyfriends could have celebrated with us, but we had a lovely family birthday celebration the week before.

To all our friends who came out to raise a glass with us yesterday, first, I salute you. You brilliantly kept it secret and a surprise, sending texts with good wishes in the morning so Dave wouldn’t suspect a thing. You are the best!

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for coming and for making Kingston’s newest 60-year sexagenarian who is usually a grump on his birthday a very happy guy.

Photos: (above) our friends Jon and Mark, my brother Don and Dave; Jon is giving me the finger on behalf of Dave for planning a surprise party behind his back.

Below: Our friends Ally and Tony, me, Carolyn and Michael; the gang having a good time–so great to see everyone mingling!; our friend Lorna all lit up for the Kingston Santa Clause parade; Lorna and our friend John’s daughter Maria; Dave and his sister Liz.

Friends drinking beer
People mingling at a bar
Woman with snowshoes lit up with Christmas lights
Woman and a girl with cake
My husband Dave and his sister
Posted on in environment, nature, science of happiness

Listen to the birds

Trumpeter swans in water

Each year, between December 14 and January 5, people from across North America participate in one of the largest citizen science projects in the world, the Christmas Bird Count.

Survey teams and individuals count birds in the field or at feeders on their property and record the birds they see. The data is submitted to the National Audubon Society and analyzed by Birds Canada to provide insight on the number, movements, and distribution of winter bird populations.

Studies show that seeing or hearing birds can have a positive impact on your mental wellbeing and happiness. One King’s College London study provided 1,200 people from around the world with an app. They were asked at random intervals to record how they were feeling such as happy or stressed and what they heard or saw, like trees and birds.

The study concluded everyday encounters with birds can be linked to “time-lasting improvements in mental wellbeing” and “these improvements were evident not only in healthy people but also in those with a diagnosis of depression”.

This year, the Frontenac Christmas Bird is on Saturday, December 14 and is celebrating its tenth anniversary. There are lots of special events planned, including a Winter Birds 101 crash course from 9-9:30 am, a Kids Bird Count from 1-3 pm with bird specimens, interactive activities, and a short walk to count birds, and a special dinner starting at 4 pm, all happening at the Sydenham Legion Hall. Wintergreen Studios is also hosting a winter bird workshop and guided count from 10 am to 3 pm on their property (register on their website here).

If you live north of Kingston and are looking for a fun day out in nature to lift your spirits, sign up to participate by emailing bonta.johnson@sympatico.ca or on Wintergreen’s website for their event. You can register or find out when the Christmas Bird Count is happening in your region on the Birds Canada website.

Need a smile? Watch one of these Best of the Nest Videos from All About Birds.

Ed. note: I took the above photo of trumpeter swans on a lake near my house during the 2023 Christmas Bird Count.