Tag: happiness

Posted on in health and wellness, relationships, science of happiness

Turn a frown upside down

smile and saying "a smile is the shortest distance between two people"

Several years ago, I was on a business trip with some colleagues. We’d had a long travel day and after checking in to our hotel around 8 pm, wandered down to the hotel bar for a late dinner. We sat for at least ten minutes without any service, so one of my co-workers got up and approached the waitress. He said she was quite surly when he talked to her, but she eventually came over with some menus.

I’ve always been fascinated by how a person’s actions can affect the actions of others, even more so since starting this blog, so I decided to embark on a little experiment. I wondered if I smiled broadly and was overly nice to our server, asking her questions about her day and thanking her every time she came to the table, whether by the end of our dinner, she would provide better service.

We ordered our drinks, and I kept smiling, laughing and making small talk when she brought us our meals. By the end of the evening, she still seemed stressed and unhappy, but was a bit more friendly and attentive.

There are many takeways from this night. The first is if someone is having a bad day, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Our waitress was probably on her feet for eight hours by the time our group strolled in. No doubt she was exhausted and wanting to go home. Who knows what she was dealing with at work or at home—a sick parent or child, mounting bills, an argument with her husband or friend. Since she never shared anything personal, we’ll never know.

The second is our actions did result in her being a bit nicer and attentive, so there was a positive correlation between our efforts to be nice and her actions.

The third takeaway is our group did get better service so it pays to be kind. As one of my old bosses used to say, “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar”.

Everyone can have a bad day. It seems to me people have short fuses these days and are starting to lose their capacity to show empathy and understanding. Even if you can’t turn someone’s frown upside down, you can give them grace and compassion.

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, science of happiness

It’s okay to be sad

happy and sad face pictures

People don’t talk about being sad anymore. They talk about being unhappy, struggling with their mental health or being depressed, but they don’t talk about being sad.

It’s like the word has been eradicated from our vocabulary.

This is a dangerous and disturbing trend because it presupposes that when we are sad, we have an illness or problem, when sadness is a natural emotion.

The other day I asked a friend how they were doing after spending the first Christmas without their Mom. My friend naturally admitted there were times she was sad, missing her mother very much.

Last week, we dropped Clare off at the airport in Ottawa. We knew it would be the last time we would see her until spring, and I was very sad for a day or two, missing her terribly as we returned to a quiet, empty house.

Author and happiness researcher Helen Russell in “How to Be Sad” says that in order to be happy, you need to allow yourself to be sad sometimes, but most people are terrified of being sad.

Exacerbating the problem is society’s newfound hyper-focus on mental health. We are so focused on mental health that there is a propensity to self-diagnose a deeper issue or problem when we may just be in fact, experiencing temporary, normal sadness.

We are often sad when we experience grief or loss, all inescapable emotions in life. If we are sad, it is because we’ve been blessed to have held something dear and joyous.

For example, as a parent, it is hard to watch your child experience heartbreak, but if they are sad from having their heart broken, it means they have lived and loved, and sadness and heartbreak are all part of the process of loving and finding the right person.

So the next time you find yourself feeling a little down, remember it’s okay to be sad.

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, retirement, work

The top 12 Happy Acts of 2024

Author at a work booth before their retirement

Another year of happy acts have come and gone. Here is my round-up of the top happy acts of 2024. Happy reading!

On climate change, work, and the world we live in

Inspiration and mental health

On parenting, retirement and my friend Harry

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, relationships

When the heart is heavy

heavy heart emoji

My heart has been heavy this past little while.

I’m fine and Dave and the girls are fine, but there are just too many people I care about that are getting kicked in the teeth by life right now. It’s making me feel overwhelmed and helpless.  

So what can you do when your happiness is being crushed by a heavy heart?

Hug your loved ones and tell them you love them every day.

Have a good cry if you need to.

Be grateful for friends, family, and the people who will be there when you need them most.

Try to find solace in the smallest joys and moments.

And bake a lot of banana bread*.

My heavy heart goes out to all of you right now, you know who you are.

*The banana bread reference is a funny story worth sharing to end this week’s blog with a smile, even if it is a sad smile. When my sister-in-law MaryAnne was sick, I brought food over every week for her and Mac. Their wonderful neighbours in Westport also dropped off meals and baked goods regularly. One day when I showed up with soup and some cookies, Mac said “As long as it isn’t another f**kin banana bread!”

Posted on in family, health and wellness, science of happiness

Happiness by the numbers

bright yellow sneakers

Some time ago, I stumbled across these statistics on happiness.

infographic with stats on happiness

There’s not much we can do about our age and genetic disposition, but we can make an effort to reach out to friends, spend time with our loved ones and focus on what’s most important in our lives: developing positive relationships.

If all else fails, wear something orange or yellow.

Posted on in entertainment, inspiration, mental health

Do it for you

Neil Pasricha's Happiness Equation

I’ve just finished reading two books, Neil Young’s biography Wage Heavy Peace and Neil Pasricha’s New York Times Bestseller from 2016, The Happiness Equation.

Both were great reads and even though they were very different books, the authors shared a common message: to be happy and successful in life, you have to do it for you.

I didn’t know much about Neil Young before I read his biography, other than he grew up in Omemee (pronounced Oh-me-me) outside of Peterborough and of course his music, since I’m a big fan.

To say he’s led an interesting, incredible life is an understatement, but I was surprised to learn of all the health challenges, personal tragedy and struggles he’s shared in his life from polio as a child, to back surgeries, grief and loss.

Throughout, music has been his inspiration, solace, escape and passion. I wasn’t aware of his other passions in life–his love of old cars, model trains and his quest to revolutionize sound by developing technology to restore the purity of records through his company Pona and interest in electric vehicles through his Lincvolt project. What an amazing guy.

Did he pursue any of these things because his record labels wanted him to, or to sell records or ingratiate himself with fans? No, he did it for himself.

Young insisted on festival seating for all his indoor shows, even though it meant less money for the band because he wanted people who were stoked to be there at the front of the stage instead of “rich folk on cell phones”, saying the feeling of the shows and experience for the band and audience was much better. He once had his manager rewrite the contracts for a tour already booked because they hadn’t included festival seating.

A writer once accused him of compiling his archives just to further his own legend “whatever that is”. He writes, “What a shallow existence that would be…” and then in classic Neil Young fashion, “it pissed me off.”

In The Happiness Equation, Parischa openly admits he was a victim of his own success early in his career, equating happiness with more book sales, speaking engagements and the number of hits on his blog.

Parischa talks about intrinsic and extrinsic motivators, saying the happiest people are driven by intrinsic motivation. They eschew the critics, the pressure to do what others want them to do, and they forge their own path. He quotes John Lennon who once famously said, “I’m not judging whether ‘I Am the Walrus’ is a better or worse than ‘Imagine’. It is for others to judge. I am doing it. I do. I don’t stand back and judge…I do.”

This week’s #HappyAct is to take it from the Neils and do it for you.

Posted on in inspiration, lifestyle, mental health

The Crap Joy Ratio

Penny Marshall quote, "If you're not having a good time, find something else that gives you some joy in life."

Sometimes you find inspiration in the least likely of places.

I often glance at the obituaries in my local newspaper. This morning, I was reading the obit from an accomplished doctor, Dr. Nicholas Evans. The caption under his photo read, “I have used my days well.”

He was Chief of Gastroenterology at The Toronto Western Hospital and a world leader in the research of the gut-brain interaction. What struck me the most was the majority of the column was devoted to his family and life outside of work. One paragraph in particular captured my attention.

His family wrote, “He shared his life-long belief in the ‘Joy/Crap’ ratio with generations of family, friends and colleagues in need of guidance. Everything in life can be distilled down to one simple question—does the crap outweigh the joy? If so, you have your answer, follow the joy, ditch the crap and change what you can to ensure the joy always outweighs the crap.”

So my friends, what is your crap/joy ratio? This week’s #HappyAct is to make one change to achieve a healthier ratio. Ditch the crap. Find the joy.

And if you need a smile, along the same vein of dealing with life’s crap:

Posted on in community, health and wellness, holidays, humour, inspiration

11 Best Happy Acts of 2022

Cabin on a lake

What better way to kick off a new year than a top ten list? This year I’ve I’ve chosen 11 posts for all you Spinal Tap fans out there that will hopefully inspire you to make a positive change in the year ahead, with a few fun posts thrown in “for shits and giggles”.

Happy reading and may 2023 bring joy, health and happiness.

Thoughts to live by:

#11: The end or the beginning by my President’s Choice of Husbands

#10: See past your thoughts

Great yarns and just for laughs

#9: The legend of the jacket

#8: Down east sayings to make you giggle

#7: OGs of our day

Happiness at work

#6: The key to job satisfaction in a post-pandemic world

#5: Make decisions that make you smile

Connecting with nature

#4: Explore a deserted beach featuring the haunting Driftwood Beach on Jekyll Island, Georgia

#3: Poem Beneath the canopy

Getting involved in your community

#2: As a blogger, you always wonder if your posts resonate with people. In June, after I posted this community success story about the Food Redistribution Warehouse in Kingston, a friend reached out to say they started volunteering there after reading my post.

And finally, before you make your New Year’s Resolutions for 2023, be sure to read

#1: The 75 Easy Challenge

Thanks to all my loyal readers who follow this blog and read my posts on Sunday mornings. If you want to subscribe to receive posts by email, just click on the three dots in the upper right-hand corner and enter your email. Here’s to many #HappyActs in the year ahead.

Posted on in family, health and wellness, inspiration

You’re never too old

Teenager Clare with Santa

You’re never too old to learn something new

You’re never too old to get your picture taken with Santa

You’re never too old to dance when no one is watching

You’re never too old to skinny dip

You’re never too old to snuggle

You’re never too old to listen with your heart

You’re never too old to sing loud and clear for all to hear

You’re never too old to seek out new adventures

You’re never too old to love

You’re never too old to share a smile and a laugh

You’re never too old to play

You’re never too old to believe

This week’s #HappyAct is dedicated to my father-in-law John Swinton who turns 91 tomorrow. Many happy returns.

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, work

Make decisions that make you smile

Poster on decisions

A few months ago, I made a decision that didn’t make me smile.

The worst part was, I knew it right away. As soon as I made it, I had that sinking feeling in my gut, but I knew I needed a change, and I resolved once I had committed to a course of action, to make the most of it and apply all my energies to making it work.

Of course it was the wrong decision. The serious reservations I had going in transpired, and it took an immediate toll on my happiness.

Luckily, I was able to extricate myself from the situation and am now in a much happier place.

Sometimes the path forward isn’t always clear. But you will always discover the right path if you make decisions that make you smile.

Have a happy week…