Let me clarify. A “stupid friend” is not someone who is stupid. A “stupid friend” is a friend who knows you and loves you well enough to tell you when you are doing something stupid.
Mine was a silly little thing. My best friend Leslie and I were buying souvenirs in Scotland. I wanted to get a tartan pencil and grabbed one at the cash to include with Leslie’s purchase. We asked how much it was as the sales clerk was ringing it in and the clerk said “Two pound 99”, which would be just shy of $6 in Canadian funds. For a pencil! I nodded my head and handed Leslie the money.
On the way out of the store, Leslie said that was stupid, you shouldn’t have bought that. She was right of course. Later that day, I saw a set of four pencils for 75 pence, about $1.50.
I wish I had been a better stupid friend the other day when a friend of mine who wasn’t feeling well decided to play golf in this sweltering heat. He had to leave the course when he started feeling dizzy and weak. If I had known what he was going to do, I would have told him he was stupid to play golf in this weather.
A stupid friend will always look out for you and want what’s best for you. They can be a voice of reason, the perfect foil, or a person who balances you out, the yin to your yang. They are the very best and truest of friends because they are always there when you need them, especially when you are your own worst enemy.
Tomorrow, Canadians will go to the polls in what could be one of the most historically significant elections of our generation.
Trump aside, I’ve been thinking of the key issues most Canadians are concerned about in 2025: the cost of living, affordable housing, mental health and health care, climate change, and the economy. I’ve been very fortunate to consider these issues from a new lens, thanks to a group of young PhD international students I’ve been working with as a proctor this past month at Queen’s University.
Two of the graduate students I worked with were from Ethiopia, one doing his PhD in rehabilitation research and the other in nursing. Another was from Syria, doing his PhD in nuclear engineering. They had all done their undergraduate and Masters degrees in different countries around the world and were extremely kind, bright, perceptive, and willing to share their thoughts and experiences of their time in Canada.
They all agreed Canada is a very beautiful, safe country and they particularly loved Kingston. They appreciated the hard work ethic of Canadians and the fact that we are a law abiding country. They did not like our winters!
Some of the things that surprised them is how expensive it is to live here, especially housing. (The one fellow told me he paid $900 a month for a two bedroom apartment in Germany where he did his Masters degree in a city the same size as Kingston. His rent here is $1,700. According to Studying in Germany.org, housing prices are 47% lower than in the US). They’ve also been surprised to see the number of homeless people and people with mental health and drug problems in Canada.
This led to a discussion on the shrinking middle class, a phenomenon that seems to be happening in all countries (my new friends said it was the case in Ethiopia and Egypt too).
However, the biggest culture shock and negative they’ve encountered is the individualistic aspect of Canadian society. We talked at length about child care, since my one new friend just had a baby and the other had two children and a wife here in Canada. They said at home in Ethiopia, child care is not an issue. If you need to work or go somewhere, there is someone—a relative, neighbour, or friend who will look after the children.
That led to discussions about seniors. Older people in their country are cared for and live with their extended families, unlike here in Canada where many seniors live alone or in nursing homes, and suffer from loneliness (see my blog post from a few weeks ago, “Battling the epidemic of loneliness”).
As we were discussing all of these issues, it occurred to me that if we simply went back to having multi-generational families living together, it would solve many of the problems in our society. There would be more available and affordable housing, and the cost of living would be offset by potentially multiple incomes in one household. People would be financially better off and happier, alleviating the strain on health care systems and improving people’s mental health.
If you study the famous “blue zones” in the world where people live longer, multigenerational living is part of their cultural fabric.
Where and when did we go wrong in North America?
In 2015, one of the best selling business books was a book called Weology: When Everybody Wins When We Becomes Before Me, by Peter Aceto, CEO of Tangerine bank. It was a book on the philosophy of leadership in business, but the concept of Weology is one I think we need to start embracing as a society to address these critical issues. Clearly what we’ve been doing up until now isn’t working.
A new party, let’s call it the Weology Party, committed to implementing policy that fosters a philosophy of taking greater care of each other and multi-generational living might just be the solution. From a tax perspective, this could take the form of tax deductions or income splitting for multi-generational households, not just spouses. There are currently tax breaks for people who have eligible dependents over the age of 18 and a tax credit if you are a caregiver for a spouse or senior, but we could do more. To foster this philosophy in our communities, the government could also offer tax breaks and incentives for volunteering.
Municipalities have started to make strides to make it easier for people to live together, allowing and promoting additional dwelling units on lots.
In business, the government could introduce policy to make it attractive for new start-ups to form as employee-owned cooperatives. There is a large corporation in Spain called Mondragon Cooperation that has 70,000 employees, annual sales of 11 billion euros and is highly profitable. They are committed to putting people before profits (for instance during COVID, instead of laying off employees, they reduced salaries across the board by 5%). The ratio of pay between employees and executives is just 6:1 (in Canada, the ratio is 210:1 for our highest paid CEOs and in the States, it’s even higher). This model is one way to distribute wealth more equitably in society, within the framework of a free market economy.
My new proctor friend who was a research fellow in rehabilitation was working with a professor who was researching the impact and effectiveness of formal versus informal supports for people with disabilities. Their theory is that informal supports are far more important in helping people with disabilities live full and rewarding lives. They are still in the research and data collection phase, but my guess is the data will show that informal supports, people supporting people, will be more important.
Which brings us back to election day. Make sure you vote. You won’t see the Weology party on the ballot this election, but perhaps some day we will. In the meantime, we need to all start thinking about what small changes we can make in our lives to move Canada towards a healthier (both financially and physically), happier, and connected society.
Quick Poll: Would you rather friends call or text in advance before they come for a visit or just drop by? Leave a comment with your answer.
Personally, I love it when people just drop by for a visit. Here are my reasons:
I love the joy and surprise of a spontaneous visit—it makes it more fun
If I know in advance people are coming, I feel obligated to clean and I hate cleaning—I prefer to visitors to just pop in and not worry about how the house looks
I like the sense of people coming and going—it makes for a joyful, happy house
Now for those of you who voted call or text in advance, I get it: you can make sure you’re home, have supplies in the house (beer, wine, munchies—but at our house there’s always beer and wine in the fridge), and you can suggest a time convenient for your schedule.
I’ll always prefer the spontaneous visit. Down east, where my friend Danette’s parents live in Antigonish, all the neighbours pop in anytime. You never know who you’re going to see each day and there’s always a laugh to be had. It makes for a wonderful community.
This week’s #HappyAct is to throw caution to the wind and drop in on someone unannounced. And remember, you can always bring the beer!
(The photo above is of me, Dave and my brother Don, one of our most frequent visitors. He doesn’t just drop in, but that’s because he lives three hours away!)
There is an epidemic sweeping our country—the epidemic of loneliness.
In our grandparents’ day, the average detached home in Canada had six people in it. For my generation, it was four people. Today it’s 2.1. One of the fastest growing sub-segments in the housing industry today is single homeowners in their 20s. For the first time in modern history, we also have an entire generation of seniors living alone in isolation.
The two age brackets most at risk of being lonely are youth and seniors. According to Statistics Canada’s Canadian Social Survey: Loneliness in Canada, more than 1 in 10 people aged 15 or older say they “always or often” feel lonely. A 2024 study of seniors estimated between 19-24% of Canadians over the age of 65 feel isolated from others and wished they could participate in social activities in their community.
The impacts of loneliness in seniors especially are well known. In addition to depression, emotional distress, and dementia, loneliness can result in increased risks of chronic illness and falls, poor general health and premature death.
Humans were not meant to live alone. We were meant to live in tribes.
So what can we do to battle the epidemic of loneliness? Here are some words of advice people shared in a recent Quora post:
“Have a pet and walk them every day. You’ll meet people on your walks”
“Join a club or activity…check out the nearest seniors centre for programs services” (I’ve really enjoyed the activities I participate in at the Seniors Association of Kingston and have found my tribe there)
“Volunteer”
“Find people you can text every day”
“Check out the website meetup.com for a list of groups and activities that may appeal to you” (I looked to see what was listed for my area of Kingston, Ontario and there was everything from guided hikes, to toastmasters groups, to meditation and church groups)
“Nobody is going to come to you. Go out and find a church family, join a gym, go for walks, talk to your neighbours. Don’t spend your senior years being sad. Enjoy every day you have left. If you lived near me I would be your friend.”
“Every time you find yourself thinking about your own loneliness and state, think about someone in the world you can help. A neighbour who needs help, bake some cookies, whatever”
“To have a friend you need to be a friend.”
“I remember this documentary on finding happiness. The director at the beginning of the film said he would sum up the secret of happiness with one 4 letter word. I assumed it would be “love” but was surprised when he said it was risk. It’s all about taking calculated risks and steps to make opportunities happen for yourself and it will pay off. Good luck your future happiness is within you.”
This week’s #HappyAct is to do something to battle the epidemic of loneliness. Reach out to a friend, join a group, visit a senior who lives alone. It’s all about caring and sharing—more on that next week!
Coming up…March 20 is World Happiness Day. This year’s theme is Caring and Sharing. Be sure to check back next week when I dive into the results of the 2025 Report on World Happiness.
Photo: One of my favourite photos of Dave’s Dad who is living proof a youthful heart and spirit will always keep you young at heart and happy.He texts his friends and family every day.
Several years ago, I was on a business trip with some colleagues. We’d had a long travel day and after checking in to our hotel around 8 pm, wandered down to the hotel bar for a late dinner. We sat for at least ten minutes without any service, so one of my co-workers got up and approached the waitress. He said she was quite surly when he talked to her, but she eventually came over with some menus.
I’ve always been fascinated by how a person’s actions can affect the actions of others, even more so since starting this blog, so I decided to embark on a little experiment. I wondered if I smiled broadly and was overly nice to our server, asking her questions about her day and thanking her every time she came to the table, whether by the end of our dinner, she would provide better service.
We ordered our drinks, and I kept smiling, laughing and making small talk when she brought us our meals. By the end of the evening, she still seemed stressed and unhappy, but was a bit more friendly and attentive.
There are many takeways from this night. The first is if someone is having a bad day, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Our waitress was probably on her feet for eight hours by the time our group strolled in. No doubt she was exhausted and wanting to go home. Who knows what she was dealing with at work or at home—a sick parent or child, mounting bills, an argument with her husband or friend. Since she never shared anything personal, we’ll never know.
The second is our actions did result in her being a bit nicer and attentive, so there was a positive correlation between our efforts to be nice and her actions.
The third takeaway is our group did get better service so it pays to be kind. As one of my old bosses used to say, “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar”.
Everyone can have a bad day. It seems to me people have short fuses these days and are starting to lose their capacity to show empathy and understanding. Even if you can’t turn someone’s frown upside down, you can give them grace and compassion.
I made a new friend last night. His name was Alan.
Alan was sitting alone reading the Globe and Mail and sipping a pint of Stella when Dave and I wandered into the Toucan pub in Kingston last night, killing time between two movies at the Kingston Canadian Film Festival.
We got to talking, as strangers are wont to do in a bar, the conversation starting with Trump and the situation in the US, then veering into Alan’s fascinating life.
A son of a diplomat, Alan spent his childhood living around the world in countries like Afghanistan, Pakistan, the Belgian Congo, Lebanon, Portugal, Spain, and Sweden. He shared one story from the time when he was a boy in Pakistan of one of the British dignitaries’ wives separating the children into teams of colonials versus locals for games at a British garden party.
When he graduated from university, he became a land technician with the Ministry of Natural Resources, a job he said he absolutely adored. One project he led was researching all the treaties to create Petroglyphs Provincial Park in Peterborough. He shared how for thousands of years, the various Indigenous peoples of that region took turns scraping the moss from the Teaching Rocks, passing down the teachings from generation to generation.
When I had jokingly said we’d be better off if women were in leadership positions around the world when we were talking about Trump, he smiled and leaned in and talked more about the belief of Indigenous Peoples in Gitche Manitou, the “goddess of supreme being” and how women in Indigenous cultures were tasked with the most important role, taking care of the home and children.
After his time with the MNR, Alan founded his own communications company and started doing documentary work. He travelled to the Congo in 1995 to document the outbreak of Ebola. The stories he shared were fascinating. He said both the US and Russian armies were present, but not to help the dying and suffering. They were there to see if they could weaponize the virus. That never made it into the film.
Over the course of a few hours and pints, we talked about fishing, travelling, our children, the Montreal Canadiens, Canada-US relations and how lonely it can be living alone.
As we paid our bill and gathered up our coats to head out into the chilly February night, I gave Alan a big hug and said I hope we meet again. Two barflys, no longer strangers, now friends after sharing a special bond in a bar.
This week’s #HappyAct is to wander into a bar and make a new friend. Here are a few bar jokes to leave you smiling:
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.” The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.” The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.” The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon, his spurs clinking as he walks, his six-shooter slapping at his furry hip. He bellies up to the bar, stares down the bartender, and proclaims, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
Last week, I was lucky enough to attend a Choir Choir Choir performance at the Grand Theatre in Kingston, featuring the songbook of Queen and Freddie Mercury.
In case you are unfamiliar with Choir, Choir, Choir, it’s a performance where a duo called Daveed and Nobu sing and play guitar and conduct the audience in harmonies of their favourite songs. At a triple C performance, the audience is the star.
Choir Choir Choir is uniquely Canadian. It started in Toronto 14 years ago as a weekly drop-in for people who were looking for an outlet to sing. Since then, it has grown to be a popular mainstage show, the duo having performed at Carnegie Hall, Radio City Music Hall, and Massey Hall. They describe the experience as equal parts singing, comedy, and community building. Their motto is “Never stop singing”.
It was surprising to see how quickly the audience came out of their shell. As adults, we tend to be self-conscious when we sing, especially if we aren’t blessed with a great voice, but the sheer joy of the music and the experience quickly drowned out our fears and feelings of self-consciousness, and soon everyone was singing in full voice.
It is a powerful thing to hear voices raised in song, singing with passion and commitment. When the crowd sang the Canadian national anthem at the recent Four Nations Cup hockey tournament in Montreal, it was an incredibly moving and galvanizing moment for Canadians. I wish I had been there to experience it.
For “You’re My Best Friend”, they asked the audience to videochat a bestie during the song. My friend Leslie was laughing as I sang to her “been with you such a long time, you’re my sunshine”…
When it came time for the encore, Bohemian Rhapsody, Daveed and Nobu invited people to join them on stage to sing and dance along.
A few interesting facts about Bohemian Rhapsody, arguably the best rock song of all time. When it was first released in 1975, it immediately went to #1 on the charts in almost every country in the world, except the US where it climbed only to #9. The song found a whole new generation of fans and hit #1 on the charts again in 1992 when Canadian Mike Meyers’ Wayne’s World was released.
As we sang Scaramouche, scaramouche can you do the fandango, we were all on our feet, singing at the top of our lungs. Watch the video below to see the crowd erupt on stage during the guitar solo.
I walked out of the theatre feeling joyous and uplifted. People were smiling, laughing, singing and humming, with one lady singing Don’t Stop Believing loudly in a vestibule. Oh, what a night.
This week’s #HappyAct is to never stop singing. Let’s take a pledge going forward to all sing our National Anthem out loud at events instead of standing in respectful silence.
Dear friends. I hope you are well. I’m writing this letter to let you how very, very unhappy the people of Canada feel towards you right now.
I’ve enjoyed and valued our friendship over the years. Getting to know you at conferences and enjoying lively conversations over dinner and fun nights out exploring your cities, and the adventures during our travels in your beautiful country.
We’ve shared memories, values, and beliefs, but now it seems you want to pick a fight.
It hurts us when you refer to Canada as the 51st state and want to slap tariffs on all our goods, destroying decades of prosperous free trade for both our countries.
As Canadians, we feel hurt, betrayed, and angry.
If this is how you treat your friends, I shudder to think how you treat your enemies.
We understand your pain and frustration. During our travels, we’ve seen first-hand the economic decay of your country, from the derelict empty storefronts in your small towns to the abandoned factories and the “rust belt” of America.
You believe you will make America great again, a formidable global superpower. But you are misguided. The world has changed and your place has changed in it. Your power has waned. And while you think tariffs will restore your prosperity and place you at the top of the world pedestal of power, it won’t. That ship has sailed.
You’ve always sensed but never understood why the rest of the world dislikes you.
I remember years ago when I was backpacking in Europe hearing a young American boy say to someone, “Oh, you speak American!” The person replied, “No, I speak English”.
Later that night at the hostel, the European travellers tried to explain to him why Americans weren’t liked. That to the rest of the world, it always seemed like you had a chip on your shoulder, that you were arrogant.
That you meddled in other people’s affairs, sometimes overtly, sometimes covertly if there was something of value at stake like oil or natural resources, but were nowhere to be seen when wars or atrocities happened in poor countries.
I never knew if you didn’t know how people truly felt about you or if you knew but just didn’t care.
Some of you may be under the false impression that we are essentially the same, but you just have to look to our national anthems to understand how we are different. Yours is about battles and armaments with rockets glaring and bombs bursting in air. Ours is about patriot love, glowing hearts and being strong and free.
We will never be the 51st state. Canada will always be strong and free.
You have slapped us in the face, so we will look for new friends. Friends we can trade with, visit, and work with to create a better world.
I can’t help reflecting on two important anniversaries.
On February 24, 2022, Russian forces invaded the Ukraine. While the invasion was ordered by Vladimir Putin, the Russian people have been complicit in this flagrant breach of international law and aggression and have been silent. Perhaps they are misinformed, believing whatever propaganda their government is feeding them, or believing that if Ukraine had joined NATO it would somehow be a threat to Russia’s sovereignty. The bottom line is the Russian people have allowed it to happen.
January 27, 2025 marked the 80th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz. The liberation of this most famous of the concentration and extermination camps that killed six million Jews during the Second World War shed light on the atrocities and evil of Adolph Hitler and the Nazi regime.
The German people could have prevented Hitler’s rise to power, but they too stood silent despite early signs. In November, 1923 the Nazi Party led by Adolf Hitler attempted to overthrow the government using violence. It resulted in Hitler’s arrest and a temporary ban on the Nazi Party. And yet, the German people voted for the Nazi Party a decade later when Adolph Hitler was appointed Chancellor.
Hitler systematically destroyed democracy in Germany in his first two months of power through constitutional means by changing laws or looking for weakness in laws. The German people did nothing.
My American friends, you don’t have the excuse of not knowing what is happening in your own country. And you have the power to do something about it. You still live in a democratic society. For now.
Take action. Write to your elected representatives. Organize or join a protest. Refuse to implement edicts that hurt others, either within your own country or outside its borders. Don’t turn your back on Canada. Don’t turn your back on the world.
I wanted to end this letter by sharing this photo of our Canadian flag being unfurled yesterday in Ottawa, on its 60th birthday. We are and always will be #CanadaStrong.
P.S. Please know when we are booing your national anthem at sporting events, we are not booing the players, the team, or your anthem. We are raising our voices in political protest to be heard. Make your voice heard too.
There is something to be said about the element of surprise.
Yesterday, I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for Dave at Spearhead Brewing Company in Kingston. It was meant to be a low-key affair since he is still recovering from knee replacement surgery, but it turned out to be a raucous good time with many friends and former co-workers coming out to wish him well, followed by an after-party at our house with some close friends and neighbours.
Our family has a long tradition of holding surprise parties. When I turned 30, Dave and my friend John McMurray conspired to throw a big party at his house in Erin. I thought we were just having a quiet dinner and didn’t even put on any make-up that night, only to walk into a full room of thirty of our closest friends jumping out yelling surprise.
On Dave’s 40th, I rented the downstairs of a restaurant in Kingston and invited all our friends from Toronto and Kingston. There was lots of food, a blow-up doll and I even roped four couples into playing the Newlywed Game. My friend Jill dressed for the occasion in a leopard jacket and thigh-high boots, and I surprised Dave and my brother-in-law Lloyd with tickets to the Grey Cup the next day.
For my 50th, Dave plotted with my boss Julie to throw a big birthday bash at lunch at a restaurant downtown with all my co-workers from Empire Life. It was such a fun time and I even got the afternoon off.
Fast forward another decade (where does the time go?) to yesterday. It was such a special day. Our friend Lorna showed up with snowshoes and Christmas lights on her back since she was walking in the Kingston Santa Claus parade after with the Rideau Trail Club. Dave’s sister and husband, my brother and our cottage neighbour Mark came all the way from Hamilton and Toronto for the party, and there was lots of laughs had, beer drunk, and fish stories told. As Dave said, it was a wonderful intersection of the many cherished friends and connections we’ve made over the years since moving to this area.
The only thing that could have made the day more special was if the girls and their boyfriends could have celebrated with us, but we had a lovely family birthday celebration the week before.
To all our friends who came out to raise a glass with us yesterday, first, I salute you. You brilliantly kept it secret and a surprise, sending texts with good wishes in the morning so Dave wouldn’t suspect a thing. You are the best!
From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for coming and for making Kingston’s newest 60-year sexagenarian who is usually a grump on his birthday a very happy guy.
Photos: (above) our friends Jon and Mark, my brother Don and Dave; Jon is giving me the finger on behalf of Dave for planning a surprise party behind his back.
Below: Our friends Ally and Tony, me, Carolyn and Michael; the gang having a good time–so great to see everyone mingling!; our friend Lorna all lit up for the Kingston Santa Clause parade; Lorna and our friend John’s daughter Maria; Dave and his sister Liz.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to recognize the importance of anchors in life.
An anchor can be a person, a place, a thing, or something you love to do that lifts you up and feeds your soul. It is anything that grounds you or provides comfort or solace during times of trouble.
For a child, an anchor might be a teddy bear or favourite toy. For a widower, it may be a cherished photo of their spouse sitting on their nightstand.
My anchors are living and being in nature, swimming, music, writing, and Dave.
You really know when something is an anchor in your life when it isn’t there. This past week, Dave had his second knee replaced. Thankfully, the surgery went well and he’s now home resting nicely, but he was in far more pain the day of the operation compared to his first knee replacement and they kept him in the hospital overnight.
I returned home to an empty house that night feeling a bit lost and adrift. Dave has always been a big anchor in my life, and I found myself wandering around the house, restless and anxious. I was never so happy to find him doing much better the next day and ready to come home.
Living and spending time in nature is another key anchor for me. In the summer, I know I need to spend at least an hour or two at the lake every day. If I don’t, I get surly. The trees, the sun glimmering on the water, and spending time outdoors are an essential part of my happiness.
Swimming is an extension of this. I remember a particular Saturday two years ago when Dave’s sister was dying of cancer. Dave and I were helping my brother-inlaw at the house and taking turns driving him to the hospital to see MaryAnne. I spent the morning at the hospital, then we drove back to the house, where I did some chores and took their black flat-coated retriever for a walk. We were waiting for one of their kids who had travelled a long distance to arrive before going back to the hospital, and I slipped away for an hour to go for a long swim at Westport Beach. It was what I needed to face the rest of the day which turned out to be the day MaryAnne died.
Over the years, writing has become an anchor for me. I’ve enjoyed sharing my thoughts on happiness on this blog, and now in retirement, I’m excited to tackle many new writing projects.
This week’s #HappyAct is to reflect on and be grateful for the anchors in your life. What are yours? Leave a comment.
Happy Act 