Category: work

Posted on in ageing, family, mental health, retirement, work

Retirement: a man’s perspective

Man with a big fish

Special guest blog by Dave Swinton

Retirement has been a difficult transition for me. I’m coming up on two years now and I still haven’t adjusted as well as some people do. I was sitting this afternoon, watching the rain pelt against the window obscuring a grey fall transition to winter, when it hit me.

Nobody needs me anymore.

I was always in middle management in my career. Always giving vague direction and punishing people for not reading my mind as the old Dilbert cartoon used to read. My specialty was putting out fires. People came to me looking for answers and I tried my best to write a plan on a cocktail napkin and hope it worked well enough to fool my superiors. 

My days were an endless mix of planning, timesheets, scheduling, maintenance and finding the best ways to get the most out of each and every person who worked for me. I loved being needed at work even if I didn’t always love the work itself. Fast forward two years later and the only decisions I have to make are which trail to walk the dog on and what we are having for supper. Work doesn’t need me anymore.

My kids certainly don’t need me either. Both are out living their lives, one almost finished university (so proud) and looking at where she will end up next, the other knee-deep studying whatever biochemistry is. Except for rare conversations about new musical groups (Red Clay Strays and Tyler Childers) and the odd supper, they are completely and utterly embracing their own lives. No more rides to a remote hockey rink on a snowy winter road, no more conversations asking for advice on relationships. They don’t need me anymore.

Honestly the only person who even tolerates me is my life partner. Truthfully, I think if she had to pick between me and the dog, we all know who would win. Bookending Monday badminton and Tuesday line dancing is Friday writing groups and Saturday stock sport tournaments. She has embraced retirement with gusto and I am glad for this. She doesn’t need me anymore.

All the influencers talking about retirement being the golden age should have their heads examined. For some, retirement is a time to worry, to wander aimlessly trying to find direction and meaning in their lives, all the while wondering if their investments will support them until they leave this earthly abode. 

I know that some of you are saying to yourself, what does he have to whine about? Lives on a lake, semi-good looking, gorgeous wife, yada, yada, yada but for some, myself included, the emptiness from not being needed outweighs all aspects in life.

Tread well into retirement my friends, sometimes it’s not all as advertised.

And if you see a white Dodge Cummins diesel with a 30-foot trailer rolling down the 401 at a buck twenty, festooned with Kingston BMW logos on it, know that someone is still depending on me to deliver a car that is worth more than my last annual salary. I guess someone still needs me……….

More on retirement

Posted on in ageing, family, lifestyle, money, retirement, work

What I’ve learned a year into retirement

Author in Scotland

It’s been a year since I retired, and other than taking on a few gig jobs, I’ve fully embraced my new life of leisure.

I know some people struggle with the decision. I remember years ago sitting in a retirement seminar with some colleagues. One of my friends said, “I don’t think I’ll retire anytime soon—I just don’t know what I’d do with my days.” This is a common refrain and fear. The experts all say the same thing, you need to retire to something, not just from work.

I thought it might be helpful to share what I’ve learned about retirement to help anyone thinking about taking the big leap.

  • If you think you will miss work, think again. Unless you’re an artist or have a super cool job like a back-country ski instructor, pilot, or amusement park ride inspector (we have a friend who does this for a living and is constantly posting pictures of riding awesome rollercoasters), you won’t miss the work. I stopped thinking about the office about 10 seconds after leaving it. I still miss some of the people though.
  • Structure is good. Most people need some structure in their lives. Choose some regular weekly activities that get you out of the house and give you structure in your day.
  • On the flip side, don’t overbook yourself, especially in the first year. You want to have the flexibility to explore, do fun things, and try new activities.
  • Try not to worry about money. This was one of the best pledges I made to myself in retirement. Nearly every retiree, unless you’re uber rich worries about money. It just comes with the territory. Be aware of your spending, have a budget and try to stick to it, but know that there are options, like taking part-time jobs, looking at your investment income, or downsizing your home if need be.
  • Time moves on a different continuum when you’re retired. Before if you were packing for a trip, you might only have an evening free to get ready. Now you might have two or three days and it still doesn’t seem like enough. Embrace the slower pace—you’ve been rushing all your life.
  • Don’t be surprised if you don’t do some of the activities or things you thought you wanted to do. I always pictured myself golfing once a week in a ladies league, but I’ve discovered I’m not as passionate about golf as I thought I was.
  • You may get bored from time to time. What a wonderful problem. Seize the opportunity to go somewhere and see or do something new, or just veg for the day. Call or meet up with a friend or family member you haven’t seen in awhile. I know it sounds corny, but I have a jar with ideas for day trips, overnight trips and bigger trips. When we have a free day, and feel like doing something, we grab an idea from the jar and off we go. The world is your oyster.
  • Women tend to transition better to retirement than men. One of my friends attended a retirement planning session and the facilitator said to the women in the room, “Go get a coffee, this segment doesn’t apply to you, you’ll be fine, but men listen up. You will struggle more.” That has certainly been the experience for Dave and me and many of our friends. I’m not sure if it’s because a man’s identity is more closely linked to his work, or that women are more social, but men struggle more with what to do and how to fill their days. Go back to point two: have a structure.

For me, retirement has been a huge blessing. I’ve enjoyed having the freedom to do the things I’ve wanted to do, get more active, and help out in my community. The one thing that has been difficult is we transitioned to empty nesters at the same time we retired. We miss the kids terribly sometimes, but then we look out and see the sun shimmering on the lake, and hear the loons and fish calling our names, and we head out, grateful for the gift of time to enjoy each day.

Are you retired and have advice to share, or is there anything that has surprised you in retirement? Leave a comment.

Photos: Above: me in Scotland this July and below, on the Ranney Gorge Suspension Bridge in Campbellford. The suspension bridge was one of the ideas in my day trip jar, so I stopped to check it out on the way home from Peterborough one day.

Author on suspension bridge
Posted on in dogs, family, humour, parenting, work

Lessons in parenting, dog rearing, and leadership

Dog and teenager

Years ago, when my kids were young, I wanted to write a book called “700 Ways Raising Kids and Dogs are the Same”. I didn’t because it’s already been written.

But as my dogs and children grew old and I progressed in my career, my belief that the same principles for being a good parent, dog owner, and leader became even more steadfast. These are the principles:

  • Trust is the foundation of everything
  • Just when you think you have a handle on things, know things will change
  • If you set clear expectations, it will usually get done, but probably not on your timeline
  • Food is a great motivator
  • Treat them equally, but different, and give them your full support
  • Seek and capitalize on their strengths, instead of focusing on what they can do better
  • The best ideas come from the most unusual places (in the case of children, never underestimate their creativity or intelligence)
  • Always be yourself: you can never hide who you truly are—they’ll know
  • Be present—it’s the best gift you can give them
  • There is no substitute for love and encouragement

This week’s #HappyAct is show love and encouragement at work and at home (and when all else fails, bribe them with some treats).

A final note on parenting: I read only one parenting book and listened to one audiotape before we had kids. I remember one story about a father trying to get their teenage son to put the garbage out each week. Every week, he’d remind the kid it was garbage day and to put the garbage out. The teenager kept forgetting. Then one day, the kid put the garbage out. When the father looked surprised, the kid said, “What? It’s my job.” The kid put it out every week after.

Posted on in charitable, community, retirement, work

Learn when to say yes and no

Volunteers working voluntary road toll

One of the greatest skills you can learn in life is when to say yes and when to say no.

This applies to parenting, volunteering, work, relationships, and the list goes on.

Some career coaches would advise you to always lean in and say yes when tapped on the shoulder to take on a new role or responsibilities at work. Not at the cost of your happiness.

There were at least three times in my career when I was offered a different role not in my chosen field of communications that would have given me broader management experience where I said no. Would I have advanced further in my career? Probably. But I know for a fact I would have been miserable and to this day I’m grateful I made the right decision for me and for my family to be happy.

I’m now a retiree and one of my retirement pledges was to help my community more. I’m still navigating what this looks like. I’ve started volunteering at the community garden once a week that supplies our local food bank and Meals on Wheels programs, just finished my annual seedling fundraiser for the Sydenham Lake Canoe Club, and worked a shift for the Verona Lions for their annual Victoria Day voluntary road toll. I was very happy to say yes to all of these volunteer jobs.

I also have greater clarity on what I’ll say no to. I refuse to do another garage sale—they are just too much work (ironically, Dave volunteered at one yesterday morning), and true to my retirement pledges, I’ll never sign up for something where I have to be on Zoom or in meetings a lot. Been there, done that.

Some people say yes to everything. They are the heroes and backbones of every workplace and community. I admire these people, but I am not one of them.

Here’s the wonderful thing about saying yes. When you say yes to the things you enjoy, you feel good about your contributions and are far more confident and unapologetic about saying no to the things that won’t bring you joy.

Sometimes it all comes down to timing. There are periods in our lives when you want to do more, but you just can’t. You have enough on your plate. During those times, it’s okay to say no. The day will come when you can say yes again.

This week’s #HappyAct is to learn when to say yes and when to say no. And whatever your answer is, always prioritize your happiness or the happiness of your family in the decision.

Pictured above: My neighbour Odin and I working the Verona Lions road toll. All the money raised goes back into the community. Learn more about volunteering with the Verona Lions. Below: volunteers at the Grace Centre garden with the garden coordinator Josey Cadieux (Dave was whipper snipping and didn’t want to be in the picture). See this article in the Frontenac News for more on the garden.

Garden volunteers standing beneath an arbour
Posted on in work

Office etiquette 101: dishing the dirt on topics that no one talks about at work

Half-eaten muffin

I could have never written this blog post when I was working, but now that I’m retired and office etiquette is a distant memory, I can finally dish the dirt on some behaviours at work that definitely don’t make your co-workers happy.

These aren’t your typical “don’t be late for a meeting”, “answer chats in a timely fashion”, or “stay home when you’re sick” etiquette tips. These are the dastardly things people do at work that everyone is afraid to talk about.

Start the new year off fresh by avoiding these office faux pas:

  • Eating the top of a muffin and leaving the bottom half in the box (yes, this actually happened to me during my last few weeks of work)
  • Leaving a jam in the photocopier
  • Listening to music or podcasts without earphones on
  • Being a chatty Cathy so much that people can’t get their work done
  • Eating loudly at your desk: I’ve had office mates who’ve crunched potato chips at 10 in the morning
  • Eating foods with strong odours like fish
  • Taking somebody else’s food or drinks (newsflash, it’s stealing)
  • Placing dirty dishes in the sink for someone else to clean up
  • Listening to people’s private phone conversations. Sometimes this is impossible to avoid, but always pretend like you didn’t hear anything unless your co-worker comments on the conversation. NEVER ask questions or insert yourself into the conversation.
  • Quick poll: Walking around the office without your shoes on. This never bothered me, but I know it’s taboo in some offices. How do others feel about this one?
  • And the ultimate, most disgusting habit that no one ever talks about but needs to be called out: leaving streaks in the toilet. I mean, c’mon. Who does that? Have you never heard of a courtesy flush?

Remember, as Michael Scott from The Office, said “If you don’t know who the annoying person in the office is… you’re it”. 

Of course, if you are one of the lucky few still working remotely, the only co-worker you probably have to worry about offending is of the four-legged variety. Yet another case for remote work.

Have a happy work week everyone!

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, retirement, work

The top 12 Happy Acts of 2024

Author at a work booth before their retirement

Another year of happy acts have come and gone. Here is my round-up of the top happy acts of 2024. Happy reading!

On climate change, work, and the world we live in

Inspiration and mental health

On parenting, retirement and my friend Harry

Posted on in lifestyle, retirement, work

Goodbye alarm clocks

Coffee mug on my back deck

If you read last week’s post, you’ll know this weekend marks my first days of being officially retired.

I made some retirement pledges last week, but forgot one very important one: I pledge to never set an alarm again unless it is to catch a plane or train.

You don’t need to be retired to make this pledge.

I’m not a morning person. Either is Clare. Our morning routine was to eat silently together at the breakfast table, then barely say a word to each other during the car ride to work and school.

I learned years ago I was much happier when my life wasn’t being ruled by an alarm so I stopped setting one.

It’s easier to do than you think if you go to bed roughly around the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning. (If you’re on irregular shifts, I’m guessing it would be far more difficult).

Your body naturally self-regulates and on weekdays, I would wake up within a 15-minute window each morning.

There will be days when you sleep in and have to rush around a bit, but for me it was worth it to never hear that blasted alarm go off.

This week’s #HappyAct is to stop setting an alarm. You’ll be happier for it.

Photo: Enjoying my first coffee retired in my beautiful new mug my friend Allison gave me as a retirement gift.

Posted on in health and wellness, lifestyle, money, work

My Retirement Pledge

Me at a work event booth for South Frontenac Township

I’m retiring this week. After working for the past two years for my local municipality, I’m hanging up my keyboard (well, at least my work keyboard) and making plans for a future that doesn’t involve paid work.

It’s exciting and daunting at the same time and I realize how lucky I am.

I’ve made some pledges to myself, and because I am a firm believer that if you write down your goals or say them out loud, you’re more likely to stick to them, I am sharing them with you here today. Here are my retirement pledges.

I pledge to…

Not feel guilty if I feel like doing nothing
Embrace each day as a gift
Spend more time in my garden and at my lake
Get more exercise

Help my community
Take advantage of all the events during the day on weekdays I couldn’t attend when I was working
Never spend another minute in a meeting or on Zoom
Spend more time with the people I love

Listen to more live music
Spend less time on my phone
Pursue my passion of writing
Not worry about money

Go outside every day
Visit friends who I haven’t seen in awhile and make some new ones
Travel and embark on new adventures near and far
Take better care of my health

This week’s #HappyAct is to make your own pledge, even if retirement is still a distant dream. What would you pledge to yourself?

Posted on in Technology and social media, work

Is remote work doomed? Blame Zoom

Zoom offices in California

This past week, Fortune magazine published an interview with Matthew Saxon, the Chief People Officer of Zoom on the pending one-year anniversary since Zoom mandated employees who live 50 miles or less from headquarters to return to the office a minimum of two days a week.

Saxon characterized the decision to mandate a “structured hybrid” work model in August 2023 a “success” that has led to efficiencies and creative solutions.

The Chief People Officer, who once promised workers could work remotely indefinitely, justified the abrupt about-face, saying the hybrid work model was better for productivity, corporate culture and their customers.

The article has created ripples in an already turbulent and tenuous relationship between workers and employers.

It seems to me that employers who are issuing return-to-office mandates want it both ways. When it is critical or convenient to let employees remotely, as was the case during the pandemic or when there are bricks and mortar changes, it’s okay for employees to work from home and they trust them to do their jobs and be productive. But the minute those reasons fade, they want employees back in the office.

It’s hypocritical and a bit of a slap in the face if you ask me (and in case you were wondering, Saxon works primarily remotely).

Some say it’s the beginning of the end of remote work. One thing is for sure, it’s the height of irony.

Posted on in family, photography, relationships, work

Celebrating life’s milestones

Author's daughter receiving her high school graduation diploma

It’s always a lovely moment when you get to celebrate a special milestone in a person’s life. Whether it’s a graduation, wedding or retirement party, it’s an honour and privilege to share their special day and celebrate their achievements and accomplishments.

This past week we attended three celebrations, the retirement party of someone I had worked with for almost three decades, Clare’s high school graduation and a pre-prom gathering with some parents to take photos of our kids before they headed out for their big night on the town.

Each celebration left me smiling and feeling joyous. My friend Edward’s retirement was a gathering of old friends and co-workers. We were all so genuinely happy for Edward and it was wonderful to see so many friendly faces I hadn’t seen in some time.

My favourite part of retirement celebrations is always watching the reactions and expressions on the faces of the children of the person retiring as they realize their parent is more than just their dorky Mom or Dad, but an accomplished professional, beloved by their co-workers.

This wasn’t the case for Edward since three of his four kids actually worked at our company for a period of time, but it was still nice to see them all there honouring their Dad.

The next celebration was Thursday afternoon, when hundreds of proud parents gathered in our local high school auditorium to watch our kids receive their high school diplomas.

It was the 150th graduation ceremony of Sydenham High School, and while we knew parents and students had stood before us for the past 149 years, we still felt like our kids were the most special of all, having survived COVID, octomesters (ours was one of the few high schools during COVID where the students took one course, 6 hours a day), and more.

The third milestone was watching this same group of kids get ready for prom. The girls were stunning in their long dresses and up-dos, and the boys donned their best black suits. We all snapped photo after photo as they posed with their friends and boyfriends, without a care in the world, for one day at least, before heading out for the formal dinner and dance. If your heart could pound out of your chest with pride, it did yesterday for us parents.

This week’s #HappyAct is to cherish and celebrate the milestones in your life. There are a few more milestones ahead for our household this summer. Soon we’ll be empty nesters as Clare goes off to university this fall, and I’m retiring fully in August to join Dave.

Clare and her friends toasting on the dock
Clare and her friends dressed up before prom on the dock
Clare and her boyfriend dressed up for prom