It’s been a busy stretch and I’m tired. But I’m very grateful because it’s the best kind of tired. The kind of tired you choose.
The kind where your face still has a warm glow on a cool summer’s evening after spending most of the day in the fresh air and sunshine. The kind where your eyes burn in the back of their sockets from too many late nights catching up with family and friends and listening to music under the stars. The kind where you feel physically tired from leading an active life.
When I was working, I was tired all the time but it was the worst kind of tired.
The kind where your mind was frantic and stressed, thinking of a million things at once. The kind from running non-stop from the moment you woke up until the moment you flopped onto the couch at night in an exhausted heap.
The kind where your back and shoulders ached from sitting in a chair for eight hours a day, five days a week. The kind where you became cross-eyed and glassy-eyed from staring at a screen until your eyes start seeing double from the eye strain. The kind of tired no one chooses.
This week’s #HappyAct is to choose the best kind of tired. Or just screw it, and go for a nap.
Ed. note: the picture above is of me and my friend Cathy Christmas at the Mackinnon Brothers Back to the Farm musical festival. Cathy was at two of the same music events as I was this past week so I’m sure she’s the best kind of tired right now too.
Retirement has been a difficult transition for me. I’m coming up on two years now and I still haven’t adjusted as well as some people do. I was sitting this afternoon, watching the rain pelt against the window obscuring a grey fall transition to winter, when it hit me.
Nobody needs me anymore.
I was always in middle management in my career. Always giving vague direction and punishing people for not reading my mind as the old Dilbert cartoon used to read. My specialty was putting out fires. People came to me looking for answers and I tried my best to write a plan on a cocktail napkin and hope it worked well enough to fool my superiors.
My days were an endless mix of planning, timesheets, scheduling, maintenance and finding the best ways to get the most out of each and every person who worked for me. I loved being needed at work even if I didn’t always love the work itself. Fast forward two years later and the only decisions I have to make are which trail to walk the dog on and what we are having for supper. Work doesn’t need me anymore.
My kids certainly don’t need me either. Both are out living their lives, one almost finished university (so proud) and looking at where she will end up next, the other knee-deep studying whatever biochemistry is. Except for rare conversations about new musical groups (Red Clay Strays and Tyler Childers) and the odd supper, they are completely and utterly embracing their own lives. No more rides to a remote hockey rink on a snowy winter road, no more conversations asking for advice on relationships. They don’t need me anymore.
Honestly the only person who even tolerates me is my life partner. Truthfully, I think if she had to pick between me and the dog, we all know who would win. Bookending Monday badminton and Tuesday line dancing is Friday writing groups and Saturday stock sport tournaments. She has embraced retirement with gusto and I am glad for this. She doesn’t need me anymore.
All the influencers talking about retirement being the golden age should have their heads examined. For some, retirement is a time to worry, to wander aimlessly trying to find direction and meaning in their lives, all the while wondering if their investments will support them until they leave this earthly abode.
I know that some of you are saying to yourself, what does he have to whine about? Lives on a lake, semi-good looking, gorgeous wife, yada, yada, yada but for some, myself included, the emptiness from not being needed outweighs all aspects in life.
Tread well into retirement my friends, sometimes it’s not all as advertised.
And if you see a white Dodge Cummins diesel with a 30-foot trailer rolling down the 401 at a buck twenty, festooned with Kingston BMW logos on it, know that someone is still depending on me to deliver a car that is worth more than my last annual salary. I guess someone still needs me……….
It’s been a year since I retired, and other than taking on a few gig jobs, I’ve fully embraced my new life of leisure.
I know some people struggle with the decision. I remember years ago sitting in a retirement seminar with some colleagues. One of my friends said, “I don’t think I’ll retire anytime soon—I just don’t know what I’d do with my days.” This is a common refrain and fear. The experts all say the same thing, you need to retire to something, not just from work.
I thought it might be helpful to share what I’ve learned about retirement to help anyone thinking about taking the big leap.
If you think you will miss work, think again. Unless you’re an artist or have a super cool job like a back-country ski instructor, pilot, or amusement park ride inspector (we have a friend who does this for a living and is constantly posting pictures of riding awesome rollercoasters), you won’t miss the work. I stopped thinking about the office about 10 seconds after leaving it. I still miss some of the people though.
Structure is good. Most people need some structure in their lives. Choose some regular weekly activities that get you out of the house and give you structure in your day.
On the flip side, don’t overbook yourself, especially in the first year. You want to have the flexibility to explore, do fun things, and try new activities.
Try not to worry about money. This was one of the best pledges I made to myself in retirement. Nearly every retiree, unless you’re uber rich worries about money. It just comes with the territory. Be aware of your spending, have a budget and try to stick to it, but know that there are options, like taking part-time jobs, looking at your investment income, or downsizing your home if need be.
Time moves on a different continuum when you’re retired. Before if you were packing for a trip, you might only have an evening free to get ready. Now you might have two or three days and it still doesn’t seem like enough. Embrace the slower pace—you’ve been rushing all your life.
Don’t be surprised if you don’t do some of the activities or things you thought you wanted to do. I always pictured myself golfing once a week in a ladies league, but I’ve discovered I’m not as passionate about golf as I thought I was.
You may get bored from time to time. What a wonderful problem. Seize the opportunity to go somewhere and see or do something new, or just veg for the day. Call or meet up with a friend or family member you haven’t seen in awhile. I know it sounds corny, but I have a jar with ideas for day trips, overnight trips and bigger trips. When we have a free day, and feel like doing something, we grab an idea from the jar and off we go. The world is your oyster.
Women tend to transition better to retirement than men. One of my friends attended a retirement planning session and the facilitator said to the women in the room, “Go get a coffee, this segment doesn’t apply to you, you’ll be fine, but men listen up. You will struggle more.” That has certainly been the experience for Dave and me and many of our friends. I’m not sure if it’s because a man’s identity is more closely linked to his work, or that women are more social, but men struggle more with what to do and how to fill their days. Go back to point two: have a structure.
For me, retirement has been a huge blessing. I’ve enjoyed having the freedom to do the things I’ve wanted to do, get more active, and help out in my community. The one thing that has been difficult is we transitioned to empty nesters at the same time we retired. We miss the kids terribly sometimes, but then we look out and see the sun shimmering on the lake, and hear the loons and fish calling our names, and we head out, grateful for the gift of time to enjoy each day.
Are you retired and have advice to share, or is there anything that has surprised you in retirement? Leave a comment.
Photos: Above: me in Scotland this July and below, on the Ranney Gorge Suspension Bridge in Campbellford. The suspension bridge was one of the ideas in my day trip jar, so I stopped to check it out on the way home from Peterborough one day.
One of the greatest skills you can learn in life is when to say yes and when to say no.
This applies to parenting, volunteering, work, relationships, and the list goes on.
Some career coaches would advise you to always lean in and say yes when tapped on the shoulder to take on a new role or responsibilities at work. Not at the cost of your happiness.
There were at least three times in my career when I was offered a different role not in my chosen field of communications that would have given me broader management experience where I said no. Would I have advanced further in my career? Probably. But I know for a fact I would have been miserable and to this day I’m grateful I made the right decision for me and for my family to be happy.
I’m now a retiree and one of my retirement pledges was to help my community more. I’m still navigating what this looks like. I’ve started volunteering at the community garden once a week that supplies our local food bank and Meals on Wheels programs, just finished my annual seedling fundraiser for the Sydenham Lake Canoe Club, and worked a shift for the Verona Lions for their annual Victoria Day voluntary road toll. I was very happy to say yes to all of these volunteer jobs.
I also have greater clarity on what I’ll say no to. I refuse to do another garage sale—they are just too much work (ironically, Dave volunteered at one yesterday morning), and true to my retirement pledges, I’ll never sign up for something where I have to be on Zoom or in meetings a lot. Been there, done that.
Some people say yes to everything. They are the heroes and backbones of every workplace and community. I admire these people, but I am not one of them.
Here’s the wonderful thing about saying yes. When you say yes to the things you enjoy, you feel good about your contributions and are far more confident and unapologetic about saying no to the things that won’t bring you joy.
Sometimes it all comes down to timing. There are periods in our lives when you want to do more, but you just can’t. You have enough on your plate. During those times, it’s okay to say no. The day will come when you can say yes again.
This week’s #HappyAct is to learn when to say yes and when to say no. And whatever your answer is, always prioritize your happiness or the happiness of your family in the decision.
Pictured above: My neighbour Odin and I working the Verona Lions road toll. All the money raised goes back into the community. Learn more about volunteering with the Verona Lions. Below: volunteers at the Grace Centre garden with the garden coordinator Josey Cadieux (Dave was whipper snipping and didn’t want to be in the picture). See this article in the Frontenac News for more on the garden.
I’m retiring this week. After working for the past two years for my local municipality, I’m hanging up my keyboard (well, at least my work keyboard) and making plans for a future that doesn’t involve paid work.
It’s exciting and daunting at the same time and I realize how lucky I am.
I’ve made some pledges to myself, and because I am a firm believer that if you write down your goals or say them out loud, you’re more likely to stick to them, I am sharing them with you here today. Here are my retirement pledges.
I pledge to…
Not feel guilty if I feel like doing nothing Embrace each day as a gift Spend more time in my garden and at my lake Get more exercise
Help my community Take advantage of all the events during the day on weekdays I couldn’t attend when I was working Never spend another minute in a meeting or on Zoom Spend more time with the people I love
Listen to more live music Spend less time on my phone Pursue my passion of writing Not worry about money
Go outside every day Visit friends who I haven’t seen in awhile and make some new ones Travel and embark on new adventures near and far Take better care of my health
This week’s #HappyAct is to make your own pledge, even if retirement is still a distant dream. What would you pledge to yourself?
It’s always a lovely moment when you get to celebrate a special milestone in a person’s life. Whether it’s a graduation, wedding or retirement party, it’s an honour and privilege to share their special day and celebrate their achievements and accomplishments.
This past week we attended three celebrations, the retirement party of someone I had worked with for almost three decades, Clare’s high school graduation and a pre-prom gathering with some parents to take photos of our kids before they headed out for their big night on the town.
Each celebration left me smiling and feeling joyous. My friend Edward’s retirement was a gathering of old friends and co-workers. We were all so genuinely happy for Edward and it was wonderful to see so many friendly faces I hadn’t seen in some time.
My favourite part of retirement celebrations is always watching the reactions and expressions on the faces of the children of the person retiring as they realize their parent is more than just their dorky Mom or Dad, but an accomplished professional, beloved by their co-workers.
This wasn’t the case for Edward since three of his four kids actually worked at our company for a period of time, but it was still nice to see them all there honouring their Dad.
The next celebration was Thursday afternoon, when hundreds of proud parents gathered in our local high school auditorium to watch our kids receive their high school diplomas.
It was the 150th graduation ceremony of Sydenham High School, and while we knew parents and students had stood before us for the past 149 years, we still felt like our kids were the most special of all, having survived COVID, octomesters (ours was one of the few high schools during COVID where the students took one course, 6 hours a day), and more.
The third milestone was watching this same group of kids get ready for prom. The girls were stunning in their long dresses and up-dos, and the boys donned their best black suits. We all snapped photo after photo as they posed with their friends and boyfriends, without a care in the world, for one day at least, before heading out for the formal dinner and dance. If your heart could pound out of your chest with pride, it did yesterday for us parents.
This week’s #HappyAct is to cherish and celebrate the milestones in your life. There are a few more milestones ahead for our household this summer. Soon we’ll be empty nesters as Clare goes off to university this fall, and I’m retiring fully in August to join Dave.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the end. How will it unfold? How will people remember me? Will people remember me at all?
What will be my most remembered quality? Hardworking, caring, empathetic, or just a latent comedian telling lame jokes to captive family members.
I have also been thinking about some other people near and dear to me who are also thinking about the same subject.
For me it is only about retirement; for others it is a different beginning.
I am always in awe of how my father at 91 views his future as not an end but rather a new beginning. An ascension from his earthly form to something much better.
Always a deeply religious person, he sees a new beginning with my mother and all the benefits of a life deeply rooted in faith.
For me it is much simpler. Puttering around my gardens, cutting firewood with the odd day of fishing sprinkled in. Long walks with our dog and of course spending endless days travelling with my loving partner.
The point is to think less about the end of one chapter and more about the beginning of the next.
Our Welli Boot Toss team in 1999. Kingston Brew Pub used to host a charity event in support of Hospice Kingston where you throw a Welli boot as far as you can. I threw my back out shortly after!
I’ve been awash in memories these past few weeks. After 27 years at Empire Life, I am taking early retirement and will begin a new job as Director of Development with the United Way of Kingston, Frontenac, Lennox and Addington in May.
I’m sure most people on the verge of retirement find themselves taking a trip down memory lane, but for me, it’s been a constant flood of memories since I’ve also been going through my company’s archives these last few months.
I’ve found pictures of me doing crazy things for charity, like jumping in Lake Ontario on December 31, 1999 for Y2K in the Polar Bear Plunge, dressing up for skits as part of our annual United Way campaign, and uncovering every lame Halloween costume I ever pulled together at the last minute. (I was notorious for lame Halloween costumes; it became a bit of a running gag between Dave and me.)
Jumping in Lake Ontario for charity on New Year’s Eve, Y2K
I also came across photos of people who have passed away, friends young and old who I still think about and miss to this day.
What I didn’t find were any pictures of me working. While I had an interesting and varied career, it won’t be memories of work that I’ll take away from my time at Empire; it will be the memories of the different events, fun times and people who made work-life happy and rich.
This week’s #HappyAct is to rifle through an old yearbook, photo album or drive and take a trip down memory lane. Here are some more of the favourite pictures I found.
Playing Dr. Evil in one of our United Way skits.Helping serve cake at our company’s 75th-anniversary celebrationsalmost 25 years agoJudging our annual Halloween contest–our President Doug is wearing Dave’s kilt!One of my lame Halloween costume pics, Queen Amidala from Star WarsOne of my best Halloween costumes of all time, KISS with fellow bandmates Jon Begg, Chris Seymour and Tracey Hunt. Any time I had a good Halloween costume it was because my co-workers took pity on me and helped with my costume and make-up
Read any online news site at this time of year, and inevitably you will find an article on why new year’s resolutions fail.
New year’s resolutions are destined to fail because after one transgression, the mind will say, “oh well, I tried” and we fall back into old habits.
A more powerful and interesting exercise is to try visioning instead. Instead of saying what one thing will I do different this month or year, picture where you want to be a decade from now.
Where do you want to be in 2030? For most of us, I suspect the answer doesn’t involve significant life changes, just small changes and pivots to help us focus on what’s important in our life and what we want to do to be happy.
Here’s my answer.
I will be living in my same house on my beautiful lake that I adore and that has become a source of peace, happiness and solitude. Dave and I will be empty-nesters, but we’ll be OK. We’ll rejoice in our individual pursuits and cherish the time we spend together hiking, travelling and enjoying our lake.
I will be thinner and healthier (yes!) from being more active, instead of sitting at a desk all day.
I will write for 2-3 hours every morning, with the goal of being published.
I will continue to remain active in my community, volunteering, attending concerts with my friends, playing sports and doing things in the daytime (OMG, what a thought!)
I will take courses, either through the Queen’s Lifelong Learning seminars or through our local Seniors Association.
I will watch in wonder as my daughters discover who they are as adults, support their passions, and be there when they stumble.
I will be there for family and friends and be grateful for what each day brings.
Elaine on the right with her sister Lynn-Marie (also retired!) at her retirement celebration
I’ve attended a lot of retirement parties lately. Several years ago, my company announced a change to retiree benefits, and I think many of my friends and colleagues just decided it was time to go.
While some people like to quietly slip out, Elaine helped plan an entire week of retirement festivities with lunches, dinners, and an after-work fete at a local bar. Today, I’m taking her to Handel’s Messiah for her retirement present.
On Friday, I celebrated the upcoming retirement of my friend Beatrice, who told us that Empire Life was the longest place she ever worked. She stayed because she liked the people she was working with so much and the work was always interesting and challenging.
There are so many reasons why these celebrations are so special.
I enjoy hearing the incredible stories and contributions my colleagues have made to their organizations, often over the course of decades.
I love seeing the smiles and laughter around the room and how genuinely happy everyone is for the person retiring.
I like seeing former colleagues who made the leap years ago who came to honour the newest recruit to their ranks. Without fail, they look ten years younger and say they are busier than ever.
But most of all I love the warmth and family feel of these gatherings. Like it or not, work is a huge part of our lives. The people we work with become our family. And when one of our members leaves us to embrace a new, exciting chapter in their life, we celebrate with them.
This week’s #HappyAct is to attend a retirement or honour the work contributions of a special colleague. And to all my friends who have made the leap into retirement or are making the leap this year, I am so happy for you. Enjoy, and don’t look back!
Happy Act 