Tag: lifestyle

Posted on in ageing, family, relationships

How do you want to be remembered?

Toronto Sun newspaper article from 1984 on the life of Fran Gillies by Claire Hoy

I saw an ad the other day that asked the question, how do you want to be remembered? (It was for a funeral planning service).

It made me stop for a moment and think. My answer may surprise you, but I don’t want to be remembered for anything.

When my mother passed away in 1984, one of my Dad’s journalist colleagues at The Toronto Sun, Claire Hoy wrote a column about her and her battle with cancer. Claire wrote of my parents, “They had a dog and lived on a quiet, suburban street, enjoying a quiet, peaceful ordinary life. They’re not people who ever made the newspapers. You wouldn’t see their names in the social columns. They won’t be in Who’s Who. No, John and Fran were just, well, common folks…But I’ve never seen a headliner with more guts than Fran Gillies. I’ve never seen a public star with more desire to be a good mother, a good wife, a good person.”

When my Dad died, The Globe and Mail published an article about him as part of their obit series on notable Torontonians who have passed away. My Dad would have laughed at being called notable, but since he worked as a photographer for The Globe and Mail and helped organize the royal tours when the British royal family came to Canada in the 1970s, I guess they thought his passing was worthy of notice.

I’m pretty sure when my toes turn facing up, there won’t be any newspaper article about me. Probably by the time it happens, there won’t be any newspapers left for that matter. I’m perfectly fine with that.

I’ve never felt an urgent need or compulsion to leave a legacy on this planet. If a few dogs remember me, that would make me happy. Hopefully my kids.

I’ve come to terms with the fact I was destined to live a small life. I like my small life. I love my small group of friends and my family, although sadly my family is dwindling each year, unless my daughters decide to have kids one day.

I like my small daily rituals and activities. Morning coffees. Afternoon swims. Playing badminton on Monday mornings. Walks with Bentley.

Atlantic magazine recently published an article called, “To Get Happier, Make Yourself Smaller”. Author and researcher Arthur Brooks said the path to enlightment is through contemplating one’s insignificance. People tend to believe they need to become bigger to be happy, but when we become smaller we achieve peace and perspective.

I was reminded of this a few months ago when I attended the Celebration of Life for our dear friend Bruno Albano. There were no newspaper articles, medals or accolades, just an outpouring of love in the room for an incredible human being.

I asked my 92-year old friend Pamela who I drive to writing class each week how she wanted to be remembered. She said, “As a pain in the ass and for all the crazy things I’ve done over the years.” I thought it was the perfect answer.

How do you want to be remembered? Share your answer in the comments. And if you are like me, and your answer is you don’t, know that there is peace, happiness and meaning in leading a small life.

Globe and Mail article on the life of John Gillies with a picture of him meeting the Queen of England
Posted on in humour

Hit the buffet

mandarin buffetEach year we have a “last in the lake” contest. The last in the lake gets to choose dinner at their restaurant of choice. Clare has won it the last two years in a row (the date was October 30th for the record) so we made the trek on Friday night to what’s becoming an annual tradition to the Mandarin restaurant.

The Mandarin is the penultimate, king of buffets. Dave and I are skeptics when it comes to buffets—usually “buffet” means mediocre food at best served at room temperature. The Mandarin is the exception to the rule. They know how to do buffet right.

We arrived and were greeted by our hostess who showed us to our seats in the F room. It’s important to remember your room number, because it is easy to get lost (Dave and I both entered the wrong rooms that night after filling up our plates).

The Mandarin isn’t just a food experience. It’s eye candy if you like people watching. You never know who you will bump into or what you’ll see. Grace ran into a high school friend. I saw my co-worker Shelli and took the opportunity to ask her what she thought of their new practice of putting the number of calories on the glass above each dish. We both decided we didn’t like it.

It’s particularly fun to see the different strategies for the buffet. Some prefer a traditional approach, starting with soup or salad, then hit the mains while others go off the board for 200 and mix it up. Some people get small dainty plates of like-minded dishes. Others pile food on their plate in a magnificent mound while you watch in admiration and fear as they wind their way back to their seat from the busy dining room.

I especially like watching kids eat. Grace was a classic example. She started with the hot, traditional Chinese food fare, filled up on a plate of waffles and French fries for her second course, went back for salmon and ice cream and finished with a plate of ribs, green tea jello (which she didn’t eat), chocolate cake and a chocolate dipped strawberry. Nothing short of inspired.

Mid-way through your dinner, as the blood rushes to your stomach to digest the copious quantities of food, your mind starts to wander.

  • How many items are in their buffet? 150
  • What’s the most anyone has eaten? I suggested to the waitress they should have a contest. Give contestants a two-hour window and have designated calorie counters track their every calorie. It would be an amazing marketing campaign for the restaurant.
  • How much food do they go through in one day?
  • The kids wanted to know what happens to the leftovers—do they get donated to shelters?
  • What’s the profit margin on each meal? Our waitress told us it’s just $1 for lunch and a bit higher for dinner—we found that hard to believe but then thought maybe they make profits on the drinks
  • How many people do they serve each day? The room we were in held 64 people for example, and gets turned over 3-4 times during dinner. Our restaurant had six rooms—you do the math
  • When Clare started to slump over in her chair after her fourth plate of dessert, we asked our waitress if anyone has ever fallen asleep at the table before? The answer was yes.

My only regret on Friday night was I didn’t have my phone to take any pictures, well and maybe that fourth plate of dessert.

This week’s #HappyAct is to hit the buffet at the Mandarin. But give up on the calorie counting—it’s just not worth it!

Posted on in Uncategorized

A twist on 13 things you must give up to be happy

Inspirational sayingA local Ottawa radio station recently shared a list put out by Pop Sugar, “13 Things You Must Give Up to Be Happy”. Here was their list:

  1. Bad spending habits! Stop accumulating debt. Make a budget and stick to it!
  2. Waiting for the perfect moment. There’s never the perfect time. Live in the moment.
  3. Give up your social media obsession.
  4. Give up living in the past.
  5. Give up yearning to fit in.
  6. Give up your disorganized lifestyle.
  7. Give up overanalyzing situations.
  8. Give up your need to have the best things.
  9. Give up toxic relationships.
  10. Give up your hesitation to indulge. Have fun every now and then.
  11. Give up comparing yourself to others.
  12. Give up your packed schedule.
  13. Give up relying on others to make you feel happy and fulfilled.

Personally, I think they have it backwards. You shouldn’t have to give up things to be happy. It’s like dieting. If you focus on what you can’t eat, odds are you’ll end up falling off the wagon and being extra miserable since you haven’t been able to eat what you like and you’ve failed in your goal to lose weight.

Here’s how I would reframe their list.

13 things to embrace to be happy

  1. Buy what you want as long as it’s within your budget—there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself from time to time.
  2. Make the perfect moment, it’s so easy to do (a hug, stopping to enjoy a beautiful view).
  3. Use social media to share, learn, grow and connect but set limits for yourself so you enjoy the non-wired world too
  4. Learn from your past and focus on the future.
  5. Always be you and be happy with who you are, whether you fit in or not.
  6. Try simple things to help you stay organized so you can focus on what’s important and buy you precious time.
  7. Understand that you will never know why people act or say what they do, and know it may have nothing to do with you.
  8. Have one or two nice things you cherish.
  9. Look for the good in relationships and if there isn’t any, move on.
  10. Indulge yourself and always have fun.
  11. Understand your own strengths and the strengths of those around you.
  12. Build in free time every day.
  13. Rely on yourself for your own happiness.

This week’s #HappyAct is to practice the art of reframing the negative to the positive. The next time you see or hear something negative, try stating it in another way that’s positive. Special thanks to my guest bloggers the last two weeks, Tim and Ray–fine job guys!