The second key to job satisfaction in a post-pandemic world

person busting out of a cage

A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog post called The key to job satisfaction in a post-pandemic world. My theory was it wouldn’t be hybrid work, a pay cheque, benefits or perks that would make people satisfied at work, it would be the work itself.

I now believe I had it half right. The other half of the equation is autonomy.

Autonomy at work can mean many things. It can mean the ability to direct your own work, manage your own schedule, and decide when and where you work.

Workers today are demanding more autonomy over their work. And if a company isn’t willing to meet them halfway, they’re leaving in droves.  

It’s no surprise many companies return to work programs and mandates have been utter failures. In “Forget Flexibility, Your Employees Want Autonomy”, a Harvard Business Review study found that 59% of workers said they would not work for a company that required them to come into a physical office five days per week. The study researchers concluded, “Mandates feel like a violation of autonomy, which is one of the most important intrinsic drivers of threat and reward in the brain.”

Sadly, some companies have resorted to monitoring employees in an attempt to maintain control in remote working environments. But another study has shown that this can backfire, because employees resent the lack of trust and autonomy.

In “Your Employer is Watching: How surveillance of employees by their employers is undermining the future of work, the Toronto Star reported on a Glassdoor survey of 2,300 North American professionals that found 41% reported feeling less productive when monitored.  Surveillance exacerbated stress, eroded trust and hindered performance.

The article cited another Harvard Business Review study that found employees who otherwise would have been model employees were more likely to engage in various “rule-breaking behaviours” when monitored.

The message to employers is clear. Workers today want a say in the work we do and how we work in a work environment that values autonomy and trust over surveillance.

Beware the company that ignores the will of the masses.

Happy Birthday to me

Author and friend in front of a lighthouse

Why is it so many of us hate birthdays?

I’ve always been rather agnostic about my birthday. I like getting presents and eating cake, whatever the occasion, but when you are an adult, a birthday never feels like a day to celebrate for some reason. It’s probably because for many of us, it’s just another day and reminds us of our age and of all the negative physical aspects of aging.

That’s why I was pleasantly surprised when I saw on Facebook yesterday a post by a friend of mine that started with the words “Happy Birthday to Me”. She shared that she was celebrating another year, another day, another opportunity to enjoy life, and was so thankful for all the blessings in her life.

It was so refreshing to see someone truly embrace their birthday and its true meaning: a celebration of being alive.

So this year, I’ve decided I’m going to celebrate my birthday, not with balloons or cupcakes or presents (although a Dairy Queen ice cream cake would be scrumpdillyicious).

I’m going to celebrate me…still here, still dreaming, still contributing, still loving, still planning my next adventure, still laughing, still alive.

The High Beams Story

quote "Give compassion, every day the average person fights epic battles never told just to survive"

If I had one wish for 2024, it would be for the world to be more compassionate.

Yesterday when we were driving to Cobourg for hockey, there was a person driving a bit erratically. As we passed them on the highway, I looked over, expecting to see someone on their phone and noticed they looked distressed.

 

We started talking about a post we’d seen on our local community Facebook group about high beams. Someone posted an apology to people driving on the highway the night before, saying they just had their new car in for servicing and something happened and they couldn’t unlock their high beams so they were blinding everyone on the drive home. Apparently it’s a known issue with a certain make and model of car.

 

I can only imagine how many people that night were cursing under their breath, calling them an a**hole and worse, thinking they were doing it on purpose or were just a bad driver.

 

It’s a good reminder that you never know what is going on in a person’s life and to be compassionate.

 

So the next time someone is short with you or does something that ticks you off, remember they may be having a bad day or fraught with worry, or something else may be going on that deserves your compassion instead of your censure.

 

Remember the high beams story.

The top 12 happy acts of 2023

Drag queen performing

It’s all too easy to reflect on the sad news stories of 2023: the war in Ukraine, Gaza, the summer of smoke and wildfires, skyrocketing inflation. Brighten your day by looking back on the top happy acts of 2023:

  1. Need some R&R? Call a cottage day
  2. Already dreading going back to work on Tuesday? Join the movement and read The case for the four-day work week
  3. If life is a blur and you need to be reminded how lucky you are, scroll through The Camera Roll of Life
  4. Discover why I want to be a drag queen when I grow up in Drag yourself to a drag show
  5. Find out why Kettlemans is my everything bagel in Dear Kettlemans
  6. Take a bite out of the big apple, by special guest blogger Ray Dorey
  7. See what happens when you cross a cheap party dress and a dryer in Add a little glitter and glam to your life
  8. For the poetry lovers, Reflections
  9. Read my tribute to two of the greats: Buddy Guy on his farewell tour in See a legend live, and the late great Gordon Lightfoot in The Summer Side of Life
  10. And if you need help choosing a New Year’s Resolution, shoot for a better Crap Joy Ratio or Climb the ladder of happiness

Thanks once again to all of you who read my blog each Sunday. Here’s to many more #HappyActs in 2024!

Author and her husband

The greatest gift of all

Fishing trophy

Like many fathers, my Dad wasn’t exactly into Christmas. After my Mom passed away, he’d decorate the house by putting one teensy weensy bow above the fireplace, declare to anyone in the room who was listening “Festive, ain’t it?”, then promptly fix himself a rye and ginger.

Every year when we asked Dad, “What do you want for Christmas?”, his response was always the same: “just the love of you kids around me” (and a six-pack of beer).

Fast forward twenty years, and Dad’s words were echoing in my head throughout the day yesterday. We hosted our annual gathering of the neighbours. There was lots of smiles, laughs, and good cheer even though there was less to be cheerful about this year, singing, sharing of food and drink and enough presents to fill up Grinch’s sleigh.

Our neighbours Kim and Bruno gave us one of the best Christmas presents ever: a custom fish trophy made with Bruno’s 3-D printer, four identical lures, one for Dave, Clare, Grace and me and a year-long fishing tournament challenge: to see who could catch the most fish with the tried and true Berkley Flicker Shad 7. What a wonderful gift: a year of fun on the water and friendly jibes to see who is the best fisherperson in our family.

Not to be outdone, my neighbour Charlene gave us a wonderful gift basket but in it was my second favourite present ever: a mug that says “Most people never get to meet their favourite player—I’m raising mine”. Charlene always picks out the perfect mug or cup for us every year.

Our cottage neighbours brought some beautiful gifts as well, but their best gift was when their son Daniel sat down on the piano and played Chopin and Christmas tunes as the kids sang along.

As I sip my coffee this morning in my new mug, and dream about the first warm days when the ice is out and I can make my first cast in the soft light of the morning, I think my Dad was right. The greatest gift of all is having the love and laughter of the people you care about around you.

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

coffee mug with saying on it
some of my wonderful neighbours
some of my wonderful neighbours
young man playing the piano and young boy singing

Happy Gotcha Day

Golden retriever with a top hat

Three years ago today, this big beautiful boy wagged his way into our hearts and lives. He arrived a week before Christmas fresh off a plane from Egypt.

Every dog has their own unique personality and spirit, but Bentley is special. He instinctively knows which one of us needs him most. This past week, when Dave was as sick as a dog with the flu, Bentley barely left his side and when Grace comes home tomorrow, I’m sure he will be snuggling up to welcome her home and make up for lost time.

He’s stupid, loveable, stubborn, lazy, ball crazy and we love him to bits.  

Happy Gotcha Day Bentley.

golden retriever
Dog and toilet paper

The time he was drinking the toilet water and caught the toilet paper roll.

Golden retriever
Grace and her dog

Grace and her best buddy

Send a special holiday card

Christmas cards and newsletter

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine asked her Facebook friends to send her a Christmas card. She was a new Mom, isolated at home in a small Western town during a pandemic, desperate to have something to look forward to every day. I was happy to add her to my Christmas mailing list and now send her a card and our family newsletter every year.

Very few people still send Christmas cards in the mail. I think that’s sad. There’s something special about getting a card in the mail, especially at this time of the year.

Even though the number of cards we get each year is dwindling, I look forward with anticipation to reading each card and note, seeing the kids’ school photos or family holiday photo, and catching up on all the news from friends who live far away who aren’t on social media.

This week’s #HappyAct is to kick it old school and send a traditional Christmas card. It might just make someone’s day.

Enjoy a homemade Christmas

homemade Christmas wrap

I’ve decided each year I’m going to try to resist the trappings and wrappings of the commercial side of Christmas and embrace a homemade yuletide celebration. Here are some easy, simple ideas to bring Christmas home:

  • Make your own egg nog. If you’ve ever had homemade egg nog, you’ll know it’s the BOMB! Check out Jaime Oliver’s egg nog recipe.
  • Try making a gingerbread log cabin or house from scratch instead of buying a store-bought kit.
  • A great craft to do with kids is making glass Christmas ornaments. Buy a dozen basic plain glass balls and a selection of paints. Pour the paint in the balls and swirl it around so it covers the whole surface, then turn them upside down to drain in egg cartons. If you choose any colour mixed with white, you get a beautiful hand-blown glass look.
  • Go for a hike and cut down some grapevine and cedar to make your own wreaths and garland.
  • If you’re not a great baker or cook, you can still make some simple yummy homemade treats to give as gifts. Check out this recipe for Spicy coated nuts and my recipe below for homemade caramel corn that Dave and I make every year
  • Be environmentally friendly and make your own holiday wrap using up that stack of plain brown paper bags sitting in your back closet. Make them festive by gluing pretty pictures from a magazine or old Christmas cards on them or spruce them up using sprigs of pine, ribbon or candy canes.

I’m not very crafty, but here are some of the treasured things I’ve made over the years for Christmas that bring me joy. Happy holidays!

Homemade Caramel Corn

2 cups popped corn (to make 30 cups of popcorn)
1 cup butter or margarine
2 cups firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup corn syrup
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda

Pop the corn and place in two large roasting pans. In heavy saucepan, combine the rest of the ingredients. Stir over medium heat until sugar dissolves about 5 minutes. The butter won’t look like it’s blended in, but don’t worry about it. Remove from heat and stir in baking so it foams a bit. Pour over popcorn, stirring constantly, then place in a 250 degree oven for 45-60 minutes. Stir every 15 minutes.

glass ornament
homemade cedar garland
Christmas tree made out of willow

Lessons on life and happiness from It’s a Wonderful Life

Me and Leslie with Beford Falls sign

This summer, my best friend Leslie and I toured the “It’s a Wonderful Life” Museum in Seneca Falls, New York. I fell in love immediately with this wonderful little museum said to be the inspiration for the town of Bedford Falls in the Christmas classic.

As the story goes, Frank Capra, the film’s director visited Seneca Falls in 1946 after returning from the war. He loved the town with its beautiful bridges so much, he based Bedford Falls on it.

While in town, Capra no doubt also heard the story of Antonio Varacalli, a young 19-year old Italian man who jumped off one of the town’s bridges in 1917 to rescue a woman from drowning. While Varacalli successfully saved her life, he drowned, sacrificing his own life for another.

There is a plaque dedicated to Varacalli on the bridge and today people from around the world place bells on the bridge helping to give angels their wings in tribute to the film and its message of hope, friendship, love and self-worth.

Plaque on bridge in honour of Antonio Varacalli

The museum, which is currently in a temporary location on the main street as the main building undergoes renovations has photos, memorabilia and quotes from the film and the actors. Every year, the museum hosts a “It’s a Wonderful Life” Festival weekend on the second weekend of December with gala dinners, the chance to meet cast members and people associated with the film, special screenings, parties and more. The dates are Dec 8-10 this year and you can see the full list of events here.

What struck me the most as I was wandering around the exhibits and listening to the marvelous old songs from that era was the lessons on life and happiness from the film, both woven into the dialogue of the movie itself, but that has also become part of the lore and culture surrounding It’s a Wonderful Life.

Old Man Potter in the film says, “I am an old man, and most people hate me. But I don’t like them either so that makes it all even.” Lionel Barrymore, the actor who played Mr. Potter was quoted as saying, “The older you get, the more you realize that kindness is synonymous with happiness.”

From Angel Clarence: “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends” and “Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”

George Lassos the Moon drawing

In an interview of the film, Capra once said, “It’s a Wonderful Life sums up my philosophy of filmmaking. First, to exalt the worth of the individual. Second, to champion man, plead his causes, protest any degradation of his dignity, spirit or divinity. And third, to dramatize the viability of the individual, as in the theme of the film itself. There is a radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see, and to see we only have to look. I beseech you to look.”

This week’s #HappyAct is to watch this holiday classic in the next month and make plans to visit the museum in Seneca Falls (you won’t want to miss the National Women’s Hall of Fame and Women’s Rights Museum which are also undergoing renovations).

I’ll leave you with a famous interview Capra did in 1976 that beautifully summarized the meaning and appeal of the film.

“I like people. I think that people are just wonderful. I also think people are equal in the sense of their dignity, their divinity; there’s no such thing as a common man or uncommon man.

To me, each one is actually unique. Never before has there been anyone like you. Never again will there be anyone like you.

You are something that never existed before and will never exist again. Isn’t that wonderful? Isn’t that something pretty exciting? So I look at you as something that plays part of a great whole, an equal part of everything, or else you wouldn’t be here.” – Frank Capra

piano in museum
Leslie on the bridge
Author in front of museum entrance
bell on bridge

How to be a happy shopper this Black Friday

black friday poster

Black Friday and the holiday shopping season is upon us. Canadians are being lured by savvy marketers with promises of up to 70% off, Black Friday Deals and Super Savings you can’t pass up.

While some people refuse to cave to the consumerism of the season, most of us succumb to varying degrees to the shopping craze this time of year.

Which begs the question. Does retail therapy make people happy? The science shows the answer is yes.

A 2014 study from the Journal of Consumer Psychology found that retail therapy not only makes people happier immediately, but it can also fight lingering sadness. 

Even just the anticipation of making a purchase or treating ourselves to something we desire releases dopamine, the hormone neurotransmitter in our brain that makes us feel good. 

The choices we make when shopping can restore a feeling of personal control and autonomy which helps in fighting feelings of sadness and anxiety over the things that are outside of our control in the world.   

In another 2014 study by University of Michigan, researchers showed that purchasing things you personally enjoy can be up to 40 times more effective at giving you a sense of control than not shopping, and those who actually purchased items were three times less sad when compared to those who only browsed.

Shopping also stimulates our senses, creating pleasure, especially this time of the year when the stores have festive displays and merry music playing.  

But before you go filling up your virtual or actual shopping cart, remember these caveats. For every instant hit of pleasure, there is a corresponding pang of potential regret when it comes time to pay the bills. You need to calculate whether the pleasure from the purchase would exceed the pain from the cost, and whether you can afford the purchase at all.

The Journal of Consumer Psychology study showed that even just the act of filling up your online shopping cart, then abandoning it, can create the same pleasure as if you had actually made the purchase.

In the end, spending less money may be more rewarding.

This week’s #HappyAct is to be a smart, savvy and happy Black Friday shopper. Find a few bargains and enjoy the small hit of dopamine, but don’t do anything you’re going to regret later.

Special #HappyAct Experiment: Go online this week to one of your favourite retailers and fill up your shopping cart with a bunch of items, then close down your browser without making the purchase. Did you feel happier just browsing? Leave a comment!