Reflections on life and happiness from my Tanzanian philosopher friend

Author, her husband and guide from Access2Tanzania in the Serengeti

They say people come into your life for a moment, a day, or a lifetime. Sometimes it’s for a week.

In 2013, Dave and I took the trip of a lifetime to Tanzania. We spent a week in Arusha, the Ngorongora Crater and the Serengeti before flying to Zanzibar for four days in the Indian Ocean. The image of thousands of zebras and wildebeest migrating across the plains of the Serengeti is still seared in my mind.

Our local guide was Fulgence Kenedy, a sweet, soft-spoken young father with a beautiful smile, a twinkle in his eye and wicked sense of humour. We became fast friends, bonding over parenthood, our love of nature, and Justin Bieber (don’t ask). Over the years, we’ve kept in touch with Fulgence through Facebook and Facebook messenger.

Our trip to Tanzania was one of the things that inspired this blog. In a nation that had so little, we were struck by how warm, funny, and happy the people were and it made me reflect even more on what makes people happy.

Over the years, as we enjoyed the videos and pictures Fulgence shared online of him on safari, I noticed his posts were often accompanied by inspirational messages of love, hope and joy.

Here are some reflections on life, love and happiness from my Tanzanian philosopher friend Fulgence:

“Don’t plan too much, life has its own plans for you. Remember that some of the most beautiful moments of your life are unplanned.”

“Every sunset is an opportunity to reset and brings a new promise of dawn. You cannot stop the sunrise.”

“One day, I was surprised when I came home from church with my neighbour. When we had nearly reached home, she poured warm water* on me and wished me happy birthday. The question was, how did she keep the water warm all the time we were in church? It’s all because of love.”
*I asked Fulgence why his neighbour poured water on him on his birthday—he says it’s like when a child is baptized and is an act of love and acceptance

“Life doesn’t allow us to go back and fix what we have done wrong in the past, but it does allow us to live each day better than the last.”

“To succeed in life you need two things: ignorance and confidence.”

“The hardest test in life is the patience to wait for the right moment.”

“Everyone has a reason why you’re in this world, but to be in this world you pass through several people and make them happy or leave a wound in their heart…the bridge to cross is just a few short words. Sorry. I forgive you. Most of us don’t know how to say that when we hurt others. It’s time to love and care for others like you love and care for yourself.”

And finally,

“Happiness is a medicine”

I’ll leave you with this classic Fulgence joke. He asked me, “Laurie, do you know how to tell a male zebra from a female zebra? The male zebra is black with white stripes. The female zebra is white with black stripes.”

Ed. note: If you’re thinking of going to Africa on safari, we highly recommend you book with Access2Tanzania. Casey and the team here in North America will customize a trip for you. Ask for Fulgence—he’s featured on their website.

Zebras in the serengeti

One of my favourite photos: a pair of zebras in the Serengeti. Fulgence shared they will rest their heads on each others’ backs so they can see predators from any direction. Can you tell the male from the female?

The art of pushing

Woman skating on a frozen lake

As humans, we are constantly in a state of internal conflict. Indulge (and then usually feel guilty about it) or abstain, get up and move or laze on the couch, push ourselves outside our comfort zone or stay within the confines and comfort of routine.

It is an art and balance we need to master in order to be happy.

With age comes a new wrinkle in this ever-changing struggle of understanding and respecting your physical limitations.

As I’ve aged, I’ve tried to navigate the art of pushing by deciding what is important to me, and what I enjoy doing with realistic expectations of what I’m capable of doing.

I’ve never been one of those extreme sports enthusiasts or had any desire to push myself to the limit, whether its running, car racing or facing the wilds. For me, it’s not about iron mans, marathons or the Canadian Death Race (yes, it’s an actual ultramarathon held in Alberta each year in the Rockies where a very small field of 1,000 certifiably insane racers run non-stop for 24 hours through the mountains, sponsored by sinistersports.ca—the name itself should send you running and screaming in the opposite direction.)

My idea of a fun afternoon is skating and ice fishing on my lake, followed by a nice glass of Merlot in front of my woodstove while watching the Bills hopefully beat the Chiefs tonight.

The art of pushing for me is forcing myself to continue to do the things I love to do and not kill myself.

Now, when we go on an interior canoe trip to Algonquin Park, we plan a route that doesn’t involve portaging or we might rent an outpost cabin.

I still love to hike, play hockey and skate on lakes, but my days of doing pirouettes, lunges, or racing like crazy to beat the neighbours’ kids to the puck are over.

I will continue to push myself to experience new things, new places and meet new people even if it feels awkward at first.

Martin Luther King said, “Keep pushing forward, even when the path is uncertain, for greatness awaits those who persist”.

Well, if not greatness, hopefully a nice glass of Merlot.

What I learned from your Mom

Audrey Tarasick

The world lost a beautiful soul this past week. My friend, Audrey Tarasick passed away at the age of 95.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Audrey and wanted to let her four children know how much she meant to me and how much I learned from her. This is what I wrote. Some of it is tongue-in-cheek, but I think Audrey would have liked that. I hope by sharing it, you may learn from Audrey too.

What I learned from your Mom

Always trust a mother’s instincts and intuition
Never be in a hurry if you don’t have to be
Mushrooms are fun, well fun-gi

The strength of a person’s character is not defined by their size
Or how loudly they speak
But by quiet authority, compassion, and caring

Be true to yourself
Forge your own path in life
Don’t worry about what other people think

Any time is a good time for a skinny dip
Listen to children—you can learn much from them
How to make a perfect pie crust

David Attenborough is hot
Scottish country dancing is not
Fairy gardens are weird

Don’t let others tell you what you are capable of or can or can’t do
Love sometimes doesn’t conquer all
The importance of family

A good cup of coffee or glass of wine can cure most ails
Don’t babysit your grandkids; spend time with them instead
How to know the exact moment to sugar off

A love for the rugged stone-cropped landscape of Eastern Ontario
Always make a wide berth around a goose
The art of the country wave

Take time to bathe in the moonlight
Bask in the sunlight (with a hat and sunscreen)
Lounge by the pool

Never stop laughing
Never stop smiling
Never stop

Live life with grace and kindness
Have no regrets
Love unconditionally

Notes and explanations

  • On Audrey’s pie crust: This is a fib. I actually never learned how to make the ultimate pie crust from Audrey and wish I had spent more time in the kitchen with her so I could have, but I enjoyed many, many of her pies
  • On David Attenborough: For the last four decades or more, Audrey lived on her own. I once asked her if she would ever remarry or what type of man might sweep her off her feet. A devout nature lover, she replied without hesitation “David Attenborough”.
  • A note on “fairy gardens are weird”. Audrey loved fairy gardens. At one point, her sunroom was filled with them. I admired her creativity and love for her whimsical creations but I always found them weird and a bit creepy (but that’s just me)!
  • On the art of the country wave: I lived with Audrey the first summer I moved to Eastern Ontario. She went to great lengths to describe the different types of waves when you live in the country. You can read them in my blog post, “A country mile
  • If you want to learn Audrey’s technique to tell the exact moment to sugar off when making maple syrup, see “Tap into liquid gold
  • If you’d like to read more about this remarkable woman, see “Spend time with someone older and wiser
Audrey in her nephew's hot rod

In her nephew’s hot rod at her 95th birthday bash this summer

Five women standing on a dock

Girls’ weekend at the cottage with three generations

Finding happiness in the me age

girls taking selfies at a garden

They say the road to hell is paved with the best intentions. For almost a decade now, I’ve been blogging about happiness. I started this blog as an outlet for my writing and because I was fascinated by the juxtaposition of people living in a world with so much wealth, but struggling more than ever to be happy.

I’ve learned much about what makes me happy, the science of happiness and the intrinsic benefits of having purpose, showing gratitude and helping others.

I now fear instead of helping people live a happier life, I’ve contributed to the navel-gazing narcissistic culture our society has become.

Forget the #MeToo movement. We’re living in the age of #JustMe.

I know what you’re thinking. Every generation has claimed that the next generation is more selfish and self-absorbed than they were. Perhaps, but the advent of computers, cell phones, celebrity culture and the seismic shift in how we work and play in the past fifty years has propelled us into a whole new level of egocentricity.

Honestly, if I see another selfie of a 20-something posing sideways in front of a bathroom mirror holding up their cell phone with pouty lips, accentuated hips, and frosted tips, I think I’m going to lose it.

And don’t even get me started on the hyper-focus on resilience. Try telling a farmer living a hundred years ago in rural Canada with six mouths to feed and no running water you’re taking a break to “practice self-care” or going on a “forest therapy walk”, they’d mock you until their cows came home.

A sad and disturbing product of this #JustMe movement is we all have become more polarized in our views and unaccepting of other people’s opinions. What’s more, we don’t hesitate to share our views in the most public of forums. “We” are always right and everyone else is wrong.

It’s time we went from taking selfies to choosing selflessness, from practicing self-care to caring for others.

It was Ghandi who said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

This week’s #HappyAct is to change the #JustMe narrative and find happiness by looking outward instead of in.

Dave and Laurie’s High School Reunion

Me and my friend John Chong at my high school reunion

This past weekend, Dave and I attended our high school reunion. It had been 41 years since we graduated and I was looking forward to catching up with old friends.

Dave was a harder sell. Dave has this theory that only successful people go to reunions. The last time we went to a high school reunion, Dave swiped the name tag of some guy named Harry who graduated a decade earlier and told everyone he was a lawyer.

A bit of back story. Dave and I met in high school. He moved to Port Credit in Grade 10 and was one of six Daves in my Grade 10 history class with Mr. Gatto (I can still name all six Daves to this day). He asked me out skating in Grade 10 and even though I liked him, I turned him down because I had just got a bad perm that day and was too embarrassed to go out. We ended up friends, started dating after university, and the rest, they say is history.

Back to the reunion. A bunch of us met up at a local bar on the Friday night and it was as if no time had passed. Even though we had all aged, our personalities hadn’t changed a bit.

There were your fair share of success stories–people who ran their own businesses, and led interesting life journeys or had exciting careers, but there were some sad stories as well, friends who had experienced loss or challenges. Many had a parent who had recently passed away or who was suffering from dementia.

We shared laughs, told stories and enjoyed catching up on each other’s lives.

What struck me the most though was just how privileged we were to have grown up in such a well-to-do neighbourhood and to attend a high school that offered incredible opportunities, including a full music program, outdoor trips and extracurricular opportunities.

As we exchanged numbers, texts and photos, I left feeling grateful–grateful for being able to share this special time in our lives with these wonderful people.

I know we all won’t necessarily keep in touch, but I hope some of us at least can make some more memories together someday soon.

Here are some of my favourite pics from the weekend.

group of people at a bar
Dave and three of his buddies
Me and my friend Mark
My friends Doug, Derek and Pravin
rock band on stage

My buddies playing in one of the bands at the talent show

me in front of my athlete of the year picture

Me in front of my “Athlete of the Year” picture (note the bad perm in the photo)

Make a wish

Shooting star

I saw two shooting stars from my hot tub the other night. They blazed across the sky above the treetops and disappeared in the dark sky, leaving faint wispy trails in their wake.

Since I was a little girl, I’ve wished upon a shooting star. It’s such a special gift to be granted one wish and moment of truth and clarity, deciding how to use it. For years, I would reserve my wish for Dave or the girls, or a sick family member or friend.

Lately I’ve been selfish and using that one precious wish for myself. I can’t tell you what it is, or it won’t come true. But here’s wishing…

This week’s #HappyAct is to make a wish. You never know, it just might come true. Happy apoco-eclipse day tomorrow!

Happy Birthday to me

Author and friend in front of a lighthouse

Why is it so many of us hate birthdays?

I’ve always been rather agnostic about my birthday. I like getting presents and eating cake, whatever the occasion, but when you are an adult, a birthday never feels like a day to celebrate for some reason. It’s probably because for many of us, it’s just another day and reminds us of our age and of all the negative physical aspects of aging.

That’s why I was pleasantly surprised when I saw on Facebook yesterday a post by a friend of mine that started with the words “Happy Birthday to Me”. She shared that she was celebrating another year, another day, another opportunity to enjoy life, and was so thankful for all the blessings in her life.

It was so refreshing to see someone truly embrace their birthday and its true meaning: a celebration of being alive.

So this year, I’ve decided I’m going to celebrate my birthday, not with balloons or cupcakes or presents (although a Dairy Queen ice cream cake would be scrumpdillyicious).

I’m going to celebrate me…still here, still dreaming, still contributing, still loving, still planning my next adventure, still laughing, still alive.

The High Beams Story

quote "Give compassion, every day the average person fights epic battles never told just to survive"

If I had one wish for 2024, it would be for the world to be more compassionate.

Yesterday when we were driving to Cobourg for hockey, there was a person driving a bit erratically. As we passed them on the highway, I looked over, expecting to see someone on their phone and noticed they looked distressed.

 

We started talking about a post we’d seen on our local community Facebook group about high beams. Someone posted an apology to people driving on the highway the night before, saying they just had their new car in for servicing and something happened and they couldn’t unlock their high beams so they were blinding everyone on the drive home. Apparently it’s a known issue with a certain make and model of car.

 

I can only imagine how many people that night were cursing under their breath, calling them an a**hole and worse, thinking they were doing it on purpose or were just a bad driver.

 

It’s a good reminder that you never know what is going on in a person’s life and to be compassionate.

 

So the next time someone is short with you or does something that ticks you off, remember they may be having a bad day or fraught with worry, or something else may be going on that deserves your compassion instead of your censure.

 

Remember the high beams story.

The top 12 happy acts of 2023

Drag queen performing

It’s all too easy to reflect on the sad news stories of 2023: the war in Ukraine, Gaza, the summer of smoke and wildfires, skyrocketing inflation. Brighten your day by looking back on the top happy acts of 2023:

  1. Need some R&R? Call a cottage day
  2. Already dreading going back to work on Tuesday? Join the movement and read The case for the four-day work week
  3. If life is a blur and you need to be reminded how lucky you are, scroll through The Camera Roll of Life
  4. Discover why I want to be a drag queen when I grow up in Drag yourself to a drag show
  5. Find out why Kettlemans is my everything bagel in Dear Kettlemans
  6. Take a bite out of the big apple, by special guest blogger Ray Dorey
  7. See what happens when you cross a cheap party dress and a dryer in Add a little glitter and glam to your life
  8. For the poetry lovers, Reflections
  9. Read my tribute to two of the greats: Buddy Guy on his farewell tour in See a legend live, and the late great Gordon Lightfoot in The Summer Side of Life
  10. And if you need help choosing a New Year’s Resolution, shoot for a better Crap Joy Ratio or Climb the ladder of happiness

Thanks once again to all of you who read my blog each Sunday. Here’s to many more #HappyActs in 2024!

Author and her husband

Lessons on life and happiness from It’s a Wonderful Life

Me and Leslie with Beford Falls sign

This summer, my best friend Leslie and I toured the “It’s a Wonderful Life” Museum in Seneca Falls, New York. I fell in love immediately with this wonderful little museum said to be the inspiration for the town of Bedford Falls in the Christmas classic.

As the story goes, Frank Capra, the film’s director visited Seneca Falls in 1946 after returning from the war. He loved the town with its beautiful bridges so much, he based Bedford Falls on it.

While in town, Capra no doubt also heard the story of Antonio Varacalli, a young 19-year old Italian man who jumped off one of the town’s bridges in 1917 to rescue a woman from drowning. While Varacalli successfully saved her life, he drowned, sacrificing his own life for another.

There is a plaque dedicated to Varacalli on the bridge and today people from around the world place bells on the bridge helping to give angels their wings in tribute to the film and its message of hope, friendship, love and self-worth.

Plaque on bridge in honour of Antonio Varacalli

The museum, which is currently in a temporary location on the main street as the main building undergoes renovations has photos, memorabilia and quotes from the film and the actors. Every year, the museum hosts a “It’s a Wonderful Life” Festival weekend on the second weekend of December with gala dinners, the chance to meet cast members and people associated with the film, special screenings, parties and more. The dates are Dec 8-10 this year and you can see the full list of events here.

What struck me the most as I was wandering around the exhibits and listening to the marvelous old songs from that era was the lessons on life and happiness from the film, both woven into the dialogue of the movie itself, but that has also become part of the lore and culture surrounding It’s a Wonderful Life.

Old Man Potter in the film says, “I am an old man, and most people hate me. But I don’t like them either so that makes it all even.” Lionel Barrymore, the actor who played Mr. Potter was quoted as saying, “The older you get, the more you realize that kindness is synonymous with happiness.”

From Angel Clarence: “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends” and “Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”

George Lassos the Moon drawing

In an interview of the film, Capra once said, “It’s a Wonderful Life sums up my philosophy of filmmaking. First, to exalt the worth of the individual. Second, to champion man, plead his causes, protest any degradation of his dignity, spirit or divinity. And third, to dramatize the viability of the individual, as in the theme of the film itself. There is a radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see, and to see we only have to look. I beseech you to look.”

This week’s #HappyAct is to watch this holiday classic in the next month and make plans to visit the museum in Seneca Falls (you won’t want to miss the National Women’s Hall of Fame and Women’s Rights Museum which are also undergoing renovations).

I’ll leave you with a famous interview Capra did in 1976 that beautifully summarized the meaning and appeal of the film.

“I like people. I think that people are just wonderful. I also think people are equal in the sense of their dignity, their divinity; there’s no such thing as a common man or uncommon man.

To me, each one is actually unique. Never before has there been anyone like you. Never again will there be anyone like you.

You are something that never existed before and will never exist again. Isn’t that wonderful? Isn’t that something pretty exciting? So I look at you as something that plays part of a great whole, an equal part of everything, or else you wouldn’t be here.” – Frank Capra

piano in museum
Leslie on the bridge
Author in front of museum entrance
bell on bridge