Tag: happiness

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, science of happiness

Find your happiness sweetspot in 2026

sign saying The Happiness Sweetspot

It’s a New Year and as always, I wish you my loyal readers, much joy, success and most of all happiness in 2026.

One thing I’ve learned after blogging about happiness for more than a decade is we don’t always know what we want or need to do to be happier. We get caught up in the daily hamster wheel of cooking, cleaning, going to work, taking our kids to activities or rushing out to our own commitments leaving us feeling drained, exhausted and defeated. Or worse, we suffer from a general malaise, where it’s hard to see the happy in our lives.

So in the spirit of the eternal optimism a new year brings, here is a simple little exercise to help you discover what actions to take this year to be happier. I call it the Happiness Sweetspot Table.

  1. On a blank sheet of paper or in a spreadsheet, make a table with six columns across the top. In the first three columns, write
    • Things that make me happy
    • Importance (on a scale from 1-5, 5 being most important to you)
    • Frequency (on a scale from 1-5, 5 being you do them frequently and 1 being you do them rarely)
  2. In the next three columns, do the same for Things that make me unhappy
  3. Start filling out the Things that make me happy and Things that make me unhappy columns. Examples could include playing a favourite sport, spending time with friends, spending time in nature, playing guitar, etc. Try to be specific as possible. Examples of things that make you unhappy could include commuting, eating alone, cleaning the house, a volunteer commitment, etc.
  4. Next, rank how important and how frequently you do each activity on a scale from 1-5.
  5. Multiply the importance and frequency columns to get a total score for each activity.
  6. Add one final column at the end called “Things I’ve Always Wanted to Do/Try but never made time for”.
  7. Analyze your list. Your table should look something like this.
Table ranking things that make you happy

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What items received the highest score on the unhappy list and how can you reduce or eliminate them? For instance, if you hate cleaning the house, can you lighten up on the cleaning or afford a housekeeper once a month?
  2. What items on your happy list did you rank highest for importance but lowest for frequency. How can you make time for these going forward?
  3. What surprised you?
  4. What items did you add to the things you’ve always wanted to do but never made time for? What’s stopping you?

Try to be introspective and as brutally honest with yourself. While we all enjoy watching Netflix, ask yourself does it truly make you happy, or is it just a default for something to do on a cold winter night? If it doesn’t make you happy or unhappy, leave it off the list. The goal is to identify the things in your life that give you the most joy and fulfillment and the things that are acting as a drag on your happiness.

Of course, it isn’t an exact science. If you ranked “playing golf” as a 5 for importance, but 1 for frequency because it’s January, for an overall score of 5, that may not reflect how much golf makes you happy. Feel free to adjust the numbers, but also maybe think outside the box. Play some indoor golf this month, or book a golf trip if you can afford it.

Finally, identify two to three specific actions you can take this year to do more of what makes you happy, and less of what makes you unhappy. For instance, if you discovered that eating alone makes you unhappy and you eat alone seven nights a week, see if any of your friends are interested in starting a rotating potluck supper night one night a week, or suggest meeting a friend in the park for lunch once the weather gets nice.

This week’s #HappyAct is to discover your happiness sweetspots. May 2026 be your happiest year yet.

Posted on in global relations, Historical, inspiration, relationships, science of happiness

The top ten HappyActs of 2025

In compiling this annual list, I noticed a distinct trend this year: macro events influencing my weekly thoughts on happiness. It’s understandable. In a year dominated by Trump, the wars in Gaza and the Ukraine, not to mention all the political shenanigans here in Canada, it was hard to escape the events shaping our times that penetrated our consciousness and impacted our happiness this year.

Here’s the top 10 HappyActs of 2025 (plus a bonus one, because it’s 11, one better):

10: A letter to my American friends: when I wrote this post back on February 16, 2025, it was the early days of Trump. Little did we know just how bad it would get. Still real, still relevant, and my most-read blog post of last year.

9: Golden happiness: the story of the napalm girl. When I attended a talk by Kim Phuc earlier this fall (pictured above), I expected to hear about the horrors of war and importance of peace. What I didn’t expect was to hear a survivor’s inspirational philosophy on faith, happiness and forgiveness.

8: Reflections on life and happiness from my Tanzanian philosopher friend: leave it to my friend Fulgence to keep us grounded with his positive outlook on life

On the human condition

7. Humans by nature are social beings, yet moments of solitude can restore the soul. In my blog posts, Battling the epidemic of loneliness and Spend time in solitude, I explore the dichotomy of the human condition: when to be with others, and when to be alone.

6. It’s okay to be sad: a good reminder in a world hyper-focused on mental health

If you’re looking for a New Year’s resolution for 2026

5. Hit delete: in this post I ask people, if you could delete one thing in your life to be happier, what would it be? I had some interesting responses online, including religion (the source of many conflicts), the internet, and WWW!

4. Learn when to say yes and no: one of the greatest skills in life is to learn when to say yes and when to say no.

3. Never lose faith: true on every level, whether it’s the state of the world, having faith in others, your team, or yourself

And in case you need a smile

2. Blame it on your kids

1. A funny thing happened on the way to my improv class: ever thought of trying improv? Guest blogger Jon Begg shares what happens when a bus hits a polar bear in his class.

That’s it! Happy reading. Here’s hoping 2026 brings more sanity, compassion and happiness into the world. Happy New Year everyone!

Posted on in ageing, family, mental health, retirement, work

Retirement: a man’s perspective

Man with a big fish

Special guest blog by Dave Swinton

Retirement has been a difficult transition for me. I’m coming up on two years now and I still haven’t adjusted as well as some people do. I was sitting this afternoon, watching the rain pelt against the window obscuring a grey fall transition to winter, when it hit me.

Nobody needs me anymore.

I was always in middle management in my career. Always giving vague direction and punishing people for not reading my mind as the old Dilbert cartoon used to read. My specialty was putting out fires. People came to me looking for answers and I tried my best to write a plan on a cocktail napkin and hope it worked well enough to fool my superiors. 

My days were an endless mix of planning, timesheets, scheduling, maintenance and finding the best ways to get the most out of each and every person who worked for me. I loved being needed at work even if I didn’t always love the work itself. Fast forward two years later and the only decisions I have to make are which trail to walk the dog on and what we are having for supper. Work doesn’t need me anymore.

My kids certainly don’t need me either. Both are out living their lives, one almost finished university (so proud) and looking at where she will end up next, the other knee-deep studying whatever biochemistry is. Except for rare conversations about new musical groups (Red Clay Strays and Tyler Childers) and the odd supper, they are completely and utterly embracing their own lives. No more rides to a remote hockey rink on a snowy winter road, no more conversations asking for advice on relationships. They don’t need me anymore.

Honestly the only person who even tolerates me is my life partner. Truthfully, I think if she had to pick between me and the dog, we all know who would win. Bookending Monday badminton and Tuesday line dancing is Friday writing groups and Saturday stock sport tournaments. She has embraced retirement with gusto and I am glad for this. She doesn’t need me anymore.

All the influencers talking about retirement being the golden age should have their heads examined. For some, retirement is a time to worry, to wander aimlessly trying to find direction and meaning in their lives, all the while wondering if their investments will support them until they leave this earthly abode. 

I know that some of you are saying to yourself, what does he have to whine about? Lives on a lake, semi-good looking, gorgeous wife, yada, yada, yada but for some, myself included, the emptiness from not being needed outweighs all aspects in life.

Tread well into retirement my friends, sometimes it’s not all as advertised.

And if you see a white Dodge Cummins diesel with a 30-foot trailer rolling down the 401 at a buck twenty, festooned with Kingston BMW logos on it, know that someone is still depending on me to deliver a car that is worth more than my last annual salary. I guess someone still needs me……….

More on retirement

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, science of happiness

Fake it til you make it

Cartoon with four ducks and a rubber duckie saying Fake it til you make it

Dave asked me a funny question the other day. He asked what my followers are called.

Gaga has her little monsters. Taylor Swift has her Swifties.

Now I realize my little blog isn’t exactly on the same scale as these music legends, but it got me to thinking my followers deserve a moniker too, so I’ve decided to call you, my loyal readers, The Happy Actors.

There is something to be said for faking it til you make it, or in this case, pretending to be happy to achieve happiness.

In fact, in response to last week’s blog on what people’s personal mantras were, a friend of mine who was away replied hers was “Fake it til you make it”. She said, “You probably know more than you give yourself credit for. At work, in other situations, smile and give it your best shot and you’ll probably do just fine!”

I believe the same applies to happiness to an extent. If you pretend you’re happy, you are far more likely to achieve happiness.

Here’s my theory. When we pretend we’re happy, our mood is lighter and our brain is tricked into seeing things in a more positive light. We are apt to be open to new things, and take in the beauty and goodness around us. Through this mindset and our actions, we become happier.

American philosopher and psychologist William James first propounded this theory in the late 1800s, believing that our behaviours create our emotions. Known as the theory of pragmatism, it touts that the practical consequences of ideas and actions evolve through our experiences and interactions with the world. Truths are not fixed, and through our actions, we can find meaning and happiness if we choose.

This week’s #HappyAct is to conduct a little experiment: on a day when you might be feeling a bit down, pretend for the whole day you’re happy, then report back on whether you actually felt happier or had a happy day.

Until next time my Happy Actors.

Posted on in ageing, health and wellness, mental health, parenting

How long does it take to let go

picture of waves at a beach and the words, "One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change"

How long does it take to let go of…

A career spanning decades
Accumulated stress from years of working
Secrets from your past

A relationship that drains you instead of filling your cup
Regrets, many or few
Self-doubt

Lying awake in bed worrying about your children when they’re out late at night instead of home safe in their beds
Missing your children when they’ve left the nest to conquer the world on their own

So many feelings (the hard ones the hardest to let go)
Pent-up guilt or resentment
Inhibitions holding you back

Caring too much what people think of you
Not caring enough to take action when action is warranted.
Being envious of riches others have

Bitterness
Grief and loss
The past

The timeline is up to you.

Read more: Let it go

Posted on in charitable, community

#HappyAct the NextGen

Girl driving Ontario Parks boat

As a parent, all you really want is for your kids to be happy. Helping my kids find happiness was one of the reasons I started this blog, but I quickly realized I couldn’t help them be happy, they had to chart their own path in finding joy and happiness in their lives.

So my heart soared when we received a phone call from Grace last week. She was in the Starbucks drive-through and saw a police car pull up behind her. She decided to pay it forward and buy the police officers a coffee.

They pulled up beside her and rolled down their windows to thank her, saying it was so nice (and sadly rare) when members of the community expressed their appreciation for what they did. Since Grace is a Park Warden with Ontario Parks and often works with the OPP on incidents, she has immense respect for police officers.

It made my day to hear the happiness in Grace’s voice as she related how good it felt to do this one small act of kindness that made such a big difference in the day of these police officers.

And it made me smile to think, maybe, just maybe, the Nextgen of #HappyActs is alive and well.

Posted on in health and wellness, relationships, science of happiness

Turn a frown upside down

smile and saying "a smile is the shortest distance between two people"

Several years ago, I was on a business trip with some colleagues. We’d had a long travel day and after checking in to our hotel around 8 pm, wandered down to the hotel bar for a late dinner. We sat for at least ten minutes without any service, so one of my co-workers got up and approached the waitress. He said she was quite surly when he talked to her, but she eventually came over with some menus.

I’ve always been fascinated by how a person’s actions can affect the actions of others, even more so since starting this blog, so I decided to embark on a little experiment. I wondered if I smiled broadly and was overly nice to our server, asking her questions about her day and thanking her every time she came to the table, whether by the end of our dinner, she would provide better service.

We ordered our drinks, and I kept smiling, laughing and making small talk when she brought us our meals. By the end of the evening, she still seemed stressed and unhappy, but was a bit more friendly and attentive.

There are many takeways from this night. The first is if someone is having a bad day, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Our waitress was probably on her feet for eight hours by the time our group strolled in. No doubt she was exhausted and wanting to go home. Who knows what she was dealing with at work or at home—a sick parent or child, mounting bills, an argument with her husband or friend. Since she never shared anything personal, we’ll never know.

The second is our actions did result in her being a bit nicer and attentive, so there was a positive correlation between our efforts to be nice and her actions.

The third takeaway is our group did get better service so it pays to be kind. As one of my old bosses used to say, “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar”.

Everyone can have a bad day. It seems to me people have short fuses these days and are starting to lose their capacity to show empathy and understanding. Even if you can’t turn someone’s frown upside down, you can give them grace and compassion.

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, science of happiness

It’s okay to be sad

happy and sad face pictures

People don’t talk about being sad anymore. They talk about being unhappy, struggling with their mental health or being depressed, but they don’t talk about being sad.

It’s like the word has been eradicated from our vocabulary.

This is a dangerous and disturbing trend because it presupposes that when we are sad, we have an illness or problem, when sadness is a natural emotion.

The other day I asked a friend how they were doing after spending the first Christmas without their Mom. My friend naturally admitted there were times she was sad, missing her mother very much.

Last week, we dropped Clare off at the airport in Ottawa. We knew it would be the last time we would see her until spring, and I was very sad for a day or two, missing her terribly as we returned to a quiet, empty house.

Author and happiness researcher Helen Russell in “How to Be Sad” says that in order to be happy, you need to allow yourself to be sad sometimes, but most people are terrified of being sad.

Exacerbating the problem is society’s newfound hyper-focus on mental health. We are so focused on mental health that there is a propensity to self-diagnose a deeper issue or problem when we may just be in fact, experiencing temporary, normal sadness.

We are often sad when we experience grief or loss, all inescapable emotions in life. If we are sad, it is because we’ve been blessed to have held something dear and joyous.

For example, as a parent, it is hard to watch your child experience heartbreak, but if they are sad from having their heart broken, it means they have lived and loved, and sadness and heartbreak are all part of the process of loving and finding the right person.

So the next time you find yourself feeling a little down, remember it’s okay to be sad.

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, retirement, work

The top 12 Happy Acts of 2024

Author at a work booth before their retirement

Another year of happy acts have come and gone. Here is my round-up of the top happy acts of 2024. Happy reading!

On climate change, work, and the world we live in

Inspiration and mental health

On parenting, retirement and my friend Harry

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, relationships

When the heart is heavy

heavy heart emoji

My heart has been heavy this past little while.

I’m fine and Dave and the girls are fine, but there are just too many people I care about that are getting kicked in the teeth by life right now. It’s making me feel overwhelmed and helpless.  

So what can you do when your happiness is being crushed by a heavy heart?

Hug your loved ones and tell them you love them every day.

Have a good cry if you need to.

Be grateful for friends, family, and the people who will be there when you need them most.

Try to find solace in the smallest joys and moments.

And bake a lot of banana bread*.

My heavy heart goes out to all of you right now, you know who you are.

*The banana bread reference is a funny story worth sharing to end this week’s blog with a smile, even if it is a sad smile. When my sister-in-law MaryAnne was sick, I brought food over every week for her and Mac. Their wonderful neighbours in Westport also dropped off meals and baked goods regularly. One day when I showed up with soup and some cookies, Mac said “As long as it isn’t another f**kin banana bread!”