Why can’t people just say what they mean?
Being clear and honest would solve so many problems.
Relationships would be stronger because we would forge stronger connections from shared understanding.
There would be less uncertainty and confusion in the world.
We would make less mistakes.
We would save precious time from trying to interpret what the other person is saying or what they want.
Saying what we mean could also help advance our interests.
Look at Donald Trump. One of the key reasons he has gotten this far in the U.S. presidential race is because he says what he means. If Hillary Clinton stopped playing the political game, and just once, came out and blasted him, and said what she really felt, I wonder if she would see a spike in the polls in her favour.
Our reluctance to say what we mean is even more of an epidemic at work.
There are some professions where I swear they actually train you to speak in euphemisms and jargon. It drives me crazy.
Last week I got an email from a colleague. The first line was, “Here is the PPT that I presented to the RLT based on the work that the INV team did.”
Now, as it turns out, I actually understood the email because sadly, I’ve worked there long enough that half of these terms are second nature to me. But god help any new person in the organization, or someone who isn’t exposed to jargon and acronyms as much as I am.
Saying what you mean is even more important for some people, for instance, people with autism.
Because Grace has a tendency to interpret everything I say literally, I’ve learned to be as specific as possible in my language. For instance if I said, “I don’t care if you want to do X, you have to get your homework done first” or whatever the issue we were discussing, she would literally interpret it that I didn’t care about her. Having an autistic child makes you think about your language choice very carefully.
Of course, there are times, when it is better to not say what you mean. Here are some golden rules of communication to keep in mind:
- Think before you speak.
- If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
- Always think about whether your words could be interpreted the wrong way or how they would make the person feel.
As Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
This week’s #HappyAct is to say what you mean, keeping in mind the golden rules. Share a comment. Why do you think people don’t say what they mean?