Listen with your heart

listen with your heartI need your advice. One of the things I’ve learned since starting this blog is it’s just as much important to understand what doesn’t make you happy, as what does make you happy. I also know that sometimes you just have to Let it go, and channel your energies into something positive instead of focusing on the negative.

Last week we spent the evening with a group of people we see often and are close to us. It was a nice night but it occurred to me at the end of the night, they didn’t ask a single question about my work, what we’ve been up to lately, or a big trip I’m taking in a couple of weeks. It really hit home when we got up to leave and not a single person said “Have a great trip” even though they knew they wouldn’t see me before I left.

I’ll admit I was a bit hurt. This same group of people have stated on many occasions (including that night) that they are way too busy to read my blog and have never read it.

For those of you who do read this blog, you’ll know I often post about my family. I know there’s lots of people out there who won’t like what I post and who don’t get this blog and I’m okay with that. But I would have thought people close to us might check in from time to time if for no other reason than to see what my family is up to. To blatantly dismiss it and show no interest is bizarre to me and frankly a little hurtful. Since they’ve told me many times they don’t read it, I don’t have to worry about them seeing this post.

Dave and I had an interesting conversation afterwards about the art of conversation. I observed that it seems people don’t truly listen anymore or take an interest in what others are doing. He agreed and told me that to this day, a close co-worker has still not said “sorry for your loss” or acknowledged in any way the death of his mother this February.

There’s a funny little column in the Toronto Star called The Dating Diaries. Each week, someone goes on a date with a person they met online, then describes the date and rates it out of 10. I’ve noticed a theme in these columns. Often the person writing the column rates the date low and says that the other person talked about themselves the entire time. No second date.

Dave blames social media for the narcissistic society that we have become. We post what we’re doing every minute of the day on Facebook and bloggers like me take to the net in a never-ending stream of self-gratification. We are living in selfie age. I agree, but I also think social media is a great way to keep in touch with those you might not be able to see, support people, and engage and share in conversations.

So, dear readers, now it’s your chance to weigh in on the debate and give me your advice. Am I unrealistic to expect people to take an interest in my life? Have we stopped listening with our hearts? And do you think social media is to blame or are we just so busy in our lives we’ve stopped listening with our hearts and caring about what is going on in other people’s lives?

This week’s #HappyAct is to leave a comment to help me understand and to actively reverse this trend by listening with your heart. Make a conscious effort to stop what you are doing, shut your mind to distractions and completely focus on your conversations with people and ask about what’s happening in their lives.

Enter a contest…and win it!

We need to go to Vegas, baby. This week, lady luck was in the house as the Swintons raked in three prizes.

I came home one night to a nice message on my answering machine saying one of our local councillors, John McDougall put my name in a draw for people who volunteer in our community. I won a $25 gift certificate to our local gift shop, Nicole’s gifts—thanks John!

So I’m shopping at Nicole’s yesterday for presents for my sister-in-laws for their birthdays (shop local everyone!) when Nicole says to me, did you come in to pick up your prize from Christmas? I had won another draw and came home with a stocking of gift prizes!

The jackpot came on Friday when Clare’s picture of her landing an eight-pound pike ice fishing was chosen as the Friday photo winner for Ontario Out of Doors magazine. She won a $100 Canadian Tire gift card, which will come in handy when it’s time to buy new skates and hockey equipment next year. It made my day.

This week’s #HappyAct is to enter a contest. In a world where nothing is free, but online contests are a dime a dozen, it’s easy to enter to win. Have you ever won anything? Leave a comment and share your story.

What do you do if your hashtag gets hijacked? Join the party!

Girl in kayak at sunset
My #HappyAct for the week: dreaming of when our ice will finally go out on the lake

When I first started this blog, I did a quick search to make sure no one was using happy act as a URL or hashtag. That changed on March 20, the International Day of Happiness when a group called actsofhappiness.org asked its community to share a #happyact on their wall or on their social networks. For each #happyact posted, they would donate $1 to Big Brothers and Big Sisters in the United States.

As of this morning, they had 11,539 posts on their wall. One woman from Pennsyvlania wrote, “I’m happy because my premature son that weighed 2lbs 10oz is turning a happy and healthy 6 years old on Monday.” Brenda from Iowa wrote, “I’m happy because I am alive, I have many good friends, and loving family.”

There are many organizations and websites dedicated to helping the world be a happier place. Randomactsofkindness.org is another popular one. We are not alone in wanting to bring more happiness into this world, and I say bring it on, the more the merrier. It’s time to join the party and make a difference.

Participating in these happiness and kindness movements that focus on selfless acts you can do for others is noble. But happiness also means being selfish sometimes and knowing what you need to do for yourself. I hope this blog is different from some of those other sites by digging deeper into what truly makes us happy and exploring topics not everyone talks about, like last week’s post on Have an active fantasy life.

For now, let’s join the party. This week’s #HappyAct is to post a picture or share a story using the #HappyAct hashtag on your Facebook page, Twitter account or on the actsofhappiness.org wall. Or feel free to email me your pic or story. Some day, I hope to have this functionality on this blog, but one step at a time. Have a happy week.

 

The Happy Act blog

Welcome to my blog. This blog is a new adventure for me. Each week, I’ll explore something that makes me happy and issue a weekly challenge we can do together—one Happy Act that will hopefully help you feel happy too.

Confession time. I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a Super Susie type, you know the kind of person that is so happy and positive all the time, it drives you crazy. I’m not even that great a writer.

So why should you embark on this journey with me? I can’t give you a good reason other than why not? If doing one happy act a week brings a bit more happiness into your life and into the world, then isn’t it worth it? Because happiness is not something we aspire to, it’s not a destination. You don’t find it. The phrase the pursuit of happiness is hogwash. Happiness is a state of being, and to be happy, you need to do little acts of happiness.

This week’s Happy Act is to call an old friend. Meet them for coffee, call them on the phone or send them a message on Facebook or LinkedIn. It will feel good to connect with them again. Here’s a picture of us catching up with some old friends who moved to Edmonton and who we hadn’t seen in seven years.

Catching up with old friends