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Reach out your hand in peace and friendship

Paris, Brussels, Lahore, Pakistan.

The world has become a bloody place.

I don’t claim to understand these terrorist acts, but I have been thinking about what drives a person to destroy human life and what we can do to turn hatred into love and acceptance.

I’ve also had a lot of different experiences in the past few weeks that continue to send these thoughts swirling in my head.

On Easter Weekend, we took Dave’s Dad to the Canadian Warplane Heritage Museum in Hamilton. There was a special exhibit on Anne Frank that detailed her journey into hiding alongside Hitler’s rise to power. It was the week of the Brussels bombing and as I stood looking at the images of the Nazis in the 1930s, it was easy to draw parallels to today and how circumstances can make otherwise good people conduct acts of horror under the philosophical banner that the end justifies the means in fighting evil.

Leaving Hamilton and arriving at Union station in Toronto during rush hour on Easter Monday for business, I tried to imagine the destruction if a bomb exploded in the station. I thought of those people in Brussels and the images I had seen on television earlier that day of the Easter bombing in Lahore, Pakistan. Years ago, I had been in London, England a month before the bombs went off at the Kings Cross tube station. We had been in that station at least two or three times a day.

When my kids ask about these terrorist acts and whether they could happen where we live, my answer is always the same. “Yes, they can, but we cannot live in fear.”

Later that night, over dinner with a friend, we talked about everything going on in the world. We both admitted despite being “good people” and wanting to accept all races, creeds, cultures, we were not above profiling people (see an earlier blog post on stereotyping kids with autism).

Then I went and saw Johnny Reid and his What Love is All About tour at the KRock Centre in Kingston. I’m a huge Johnny Reid fan. I was fortunate to sit next to him on a plane to Nashville once. He was so genuine and generous with his time I became just as big a fan of Johnny Reid the man, as Johnny Reid the musician. During the concert, he said that one of the reasons he loves Canada so much is because it is one of the few countries in the world that truly accepts and celebrates diversity. His message was clear: love is the cure for the evils of the world.

It is hard to hate someone you know. This week’s #HappyAct is to say a kind word, or reach out and offer your hand in peace, friendship and acceptance the next time you experience fear or prejudice without basis. Get to know the person. Together we can try to change the world.

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A bagpiper walks into a blog

Man in kiltSpecial guest blog by David Swinton.

Ok, I’ll admit it. When my wife started this blog, I rolled my eyes and said ‘God Help Us’. Why would any person feel she is in a position to tell others how to be happier?

For a while, I even nicknamed it the ‘Crappy Act’. But personally deep down, I knew that there was no one better qualified to accomplish this mission. I have known my wife for almost 35 years. To this day, she continues to amaze me with her positive, energetic look at life. You might not always agree with her take on happiness (what the heck is an Easter Chicken anyway) but you loyal readers still come week after week to expand your happiness quotient.

When she asked me to fill in for her this week, I knew exactly what I wanted to say. After my Mom died over a year ago, I spent a lot of nights asking myself why should someone so giving of herself be taken in such a cruel manner. As with all tragic events, I started to question my own existence and where I fit into this continually evolving saga we call life. As my thoughts drifted more and more, I realized how complicated my own life had become. Between work, hockey practices, 4-H, bagpipes and the general pace of the world these days, I felt myself struggling to stay engaged. What kind of life is that? You only get one shot at it, folks.

So, in response to this, I have decided to focus at least a half hour each day to the appreciation of the simplest things in my life. One day, it might be the cardinal that has mysteriously appeared after my mother (an avid birder) died. The next day it might be the sound of wind whistling through the large pines around the house. One night I might watch a flying squirrel drift into the feeder from the darkness of the forest. The next, read a good book in a quiet corner boiling maple syrup. Laugh with your child as she pranks you for April Fools or savour a cold Corona at 10 in the morning on a hot day. Kneel down while your 9 year old shows you how intricate insect galleries under pieces of bark from a dead tree can be. Explain to her that the simplest of organisms created something this beautiful.

Your assignment this week? Put the world away for a half hour, slow down and take the time to glean a moment of pure joy from your world. And next week, enjoy while someone with actual writing talent takes back this blog.

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Visit a Toronto landmark before it’s too late

Honest Ed's signTwo Toronto landmarks only blocks away from each other are closing soon: the Brunswick House and Honest Ed’s.

It’s a sad end to an era.

I have fond memories of both these Toronto institutions. I remember scouring Honest Ed’s for bargains as a cash-strapped Ryerson student. Walking into Honest Ed’s was a smorgasbord for the senses. Housewares, clothing and knick knacks were crammed into every nook and cranny of the store, forcing you to walk sideways through the aisles. It was quite the place.

And then there was the “Brunny”. The Brunny was the second home for Ryerson and University of Toronto students.

We’d stake our spot at one of the Brunny’s long tables after class in the late afternoon. At that time of day, it was just the die-hard regulars drinking and talking. But by night-time, the place became a raucous party, beer hall style. By 11 o’clock, the washrooms had an inch of beer on the floor and there was a line up out the door.

You didn’t order beer by the glass at the Brunny. You ordered beer by the tray–$27 for a tray of 30 glasses. Years later, they replaced the trays of glasses with pitchers—it was never quite the same.

Brunswick house signThe best part of the Brunny by far was the entertainment. Carla and Rockin’ Irene, two old birds in their seventies would take to the stage. Irene would belt out old bar and war songs like Roll out the Barrel, and It’s a Long Way to Tipperary while Carla banged away on the piano keys. Nate replaced Carla, and the good times rolled on.

Dave and I had our first kiss coming home on the Go-train after a night at the Brunny. I often think I have The Brunswick House to thank for my marriage.

The Brunwick House closes its doors on March 31st. It’s current owner has extended an invitation to all its patrons, past and present over its 140 year history to come for one last drink and to celebrate the Brunny’s last dance.

Honest Ed’s will close its doors on December 31, 2016.

This week’s #HappyAct is to make a final trek to one of these Toronto iconic institutions. Or leave a comment sharing your favourite memory of Honest Ed’s or The Brunswick House. If we can’t make their final call, we can at least virtually raise our glass in their honour. Cheers to them and to the wonderful memories they gave us.

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Sign our petition to vote for the Easter Chicken

Easter chickenWe’re sitting in the hot tub one night when the conversation goes something like this.

Clare: “How long does it take the Easter Bunny to deliver all the eggs around the world?”

Me: “I don’t know what do you think?”

Clare: “Four days.”

Me: “How do you know that for sure and since when do bunnies lay eggs anyway?”

Clare: “I know because my friend Alex told me.”

Me: “But bunnies don’t lay eggs. It should be the Easter Chicken. Chickens lay eggs.”

Clare: “Yes, they can, the eggs come out of their butts.”

Me: “That’s not where eggs come from. Turtles lay eggs out of their butts. It might as well be the Easter Turtle.”

Clare: “That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s the Easter Bunny.”

Me: “I still think it should be the Easter Chicken. You never answered my question. How does he do it all in four days?”

Clare: “He has a jet.”

Me: “No, I don’t think that’s it. I bet he’s a chick. Chicks produce eggs and are really organized. Only a chick could get all that done in four days. I think we should start a petition.”

Clare: “Not everything has to be a competition, Mom.”

Me: “Not a competition, a petition to change it from the Easter Bunny to the Easter Chicken.”

Clare: “Awww, Mom!”

This week’s #HappyAct is to sign our petition to change the Easter Bunny to the Easter Chicken. Egg laying creatures of the world unite.

 

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Be a mentor part 2: Matt’s perspective

Matt and his wifeSpecial guest blog

(Read part 1)

It took me awhile to figure it out, but, I am a writer. The longer I worked the more I realized my passion in life was with writing and communication. Since my current job involved no writing at all I was looking for a change. I didn’t want to leave my company or all of the insurance knowledge I had gained over the years, so I looked for an inside move. My sights were set on our company’s Communications area. Without any related experience or a related degree I knew it would be tough. I needed some help. That’s when I reached out to the one person I knew in the Communications area, a person I had been looking up to for inspiration for years, and asked her if she would consider mentoring me?

I had no idea what to expect when I asked Laurie if she would be my mentor. I was hoping she would accept, meet with me a few of times, give me a couple of writing assignments, and layout a rough map of what I needed to be doing to get where I wanted to be. Well, almost two years later our monthly meetings have continued and the scope of our discussions have expanded to more than the narrow field of communications.

Is this mentor – mentee relationship what I expected?

NO!

It was much, much more.

Professionally, my mentor has given me more than I expected.

  • She has shared her vast network of contacts with me.
  • Guided me on where the company is moving and where opportunities for experience and jobs will be.
  • Brought me up to speed on what industry leaders to follow and what books to read.
  • Stressed exactly the things I needed to do in our company to succeed (and have a chance at moving into the career I dream of).

Helpful? Very!

But, it was the non-professional things that had a bigger impact on me.

  • I am more motivated now then I have ever been in my work. Not only do I have that dream of moving into a communications job, but with my mentor’s support it feels like it is a realistic goal.
  • Having someone you trust, to share personal work related problems (such as conflicts with coworkers or management) is invaluable. Especially if that person, like my mentor, has been on the other side of the fence in management roles.
  • It has made me more empathetic. My mentor has changed the way I view those above me. She has allowed me to see the more human side to those in supervisory/managerial/directorial roles.

I did not expect this mentor mentee thing to cause such a monumental change in the way I feel about work, but, it definitely has. I am a much better employee in every way because of it.

This week’s #HappyAct is the a repeat of last week’s: find someone to help you grow. And thanks, Matt, it’s been a slice!

Contributing author: Mathew is a very productive and sarcastic cubicle citizen who reads way too many Dilbert comics. He blogs about his life outside of work at theplaceunderthepine.blogspot.ca.

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Be a mentor

Me and my mentee MattFor the last two years, I’ve been in a mentoring relationship at work. I say mentoring relationship, because even though I think my role is technically the mentor, I’m pretty sure half the time I’m the mentee.

I knew a little bit about mentoring from some research I had done and from people I’ve known that have benefitted from having a mentor. But I had never taken the step to approach someone to help guide me in my career.

It’s been such a rewarding experience and I can safely say I’ve learned as much from Matt as Matt has hopefully learned from me. I’ve also learned a lot about myself and what I have to offer to others.

Here are some of the benefits I’ve discovered–some expected, and some quite unexpected–of mentoring.

  • In a mentoring relationship, you are constantly learning and sharing. Matt and I both blog and are involved in our kids’ school parent councils—we share ideas regularly on how to promote our blogs and council events through social media.
  • When Matt first approached me about being a mentor, my first thought was what could I possibly offer? I’ve learned that I have a lot to offer from years of experience dealing with people and issues at work.
  • Having someone you trust and can confide in is precious. Recently, I shared something with Matt that I have not shared with my team or my boss. It was something quite personal, and it felt good to be able to open up to someone who wouldn’t judge me and help me gain perspective and support me.
  • A mentor is a great sounding board. Often in our careers, we know the right course of action, but you just need a bit of advice or affirmation you’re doing the right thing.
  • A mentor can help you achieve your goals. By sharing your goals and making them “talk goals” you are far more likely to achieve them.
  • Having a mentor can also broaden your perspective and give you insights on other areas of the organization.

Tips to get the most of your mentoring relationship.

  • Meet regularly—we aim for 30 minutes each month
  • Try to set one goal or topic for each meeting
  • Trust is key—find someone who you can trust and who will respect your confidence

This week’s #HappyAct is to find someone who you can help you grow. Want to hear the flip slide? Read Matt’s perspective on mentoring next week.

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Take a leap of faith and start a new tradition

Picture of woman trying to lasso a manEvery four years, we get a unique and wonderful opportunity–an entire extra day in the finite cycle of time to do whatever we want.

Leap year traditions date back hundreds of years, the most famous of which is the Irish tradition of young women proposing to their often reluctant-to-wed sweethearts on February 29th. Many other Leap year traditions follow along this same theme of women taking matters in their own hands to find wedded bliss. Here are some modern twists to Leap Year traditions for you to consider starting:

  • Say a little prayer—this tradition dates back to ecclesiastical times where a member of the clergy would say a prayer for couples contemplating marriage in case the person being proposed to said “no”
  • Throw a Leap Year party—this was a chance for women to ask a man to dance, but you can just make it an excuse to throw a once-in-every-four years blow-out bash
  • Send a card—this tradition stems back to the days when women would send postcards to men as invitations to a Leap Year party—why not send a thank you note or note of appreciation to someone you know to make their day, or have a little fun and send a note from a secret admirer
  • Buy a new pair of gloves: Queen Margaret of Scotland in 1288 required that fines be levied if a marriage proposal was refused by the man. The fine was a pair of leather gloves, a single rose and a kiss (the gloves were meant to mask the ring finger of the woman)
  • Of course, if you’re single, and there’s someone in your sights, this is your chance to go for it!

I thought I would add a few of my own Leap Year traditions to the list:

  • Brew a special batch of Leap Year beer or if you’re a winemaker, Leap Year wine to imbibe throughout the year
  • Declare Feb 29th Reverse Roles day. If you have kids, make them the parents—tell them they can make all the decisions about what you eat and do that day. If you’re in a relationship, switch roles—whatever household duties you’d normally do, switch with your partner
  • And my personal favourite: lobby the government to declare Feb 29 a National Holiday so we can truly gain an extra day in the year to do whatever we want (who’s in?)This week’s #HappyAct is to adopt one of these Leap Year traditions or start your own. How will you celebrate Leap Year? I’m off to buy new leather gloves. Leave a comment.
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How well do you bounce?

George Patton quoteHere’s a riddle for you. What do Taylor Swift and Wipeout have in common? They are teachers of resiliency.

My kids love Wipeout, that show where people jump from huge balls in a wacky obstacle course. Inevitably, they get knocked down, and the audience waits to see how quickly they can get back up and complete the course.

We all get knocked down in life. It’s how you bounce back, or in the words of TSwift, Shake It Off that is a real test of character. If you can develop resiliency, you’ll have far greater chance of being happy.

Here are 7 things I’ve found has helped build resilience.

  1. Always look for a silver lining. No matter how bad things are, see if you can see a positive —what did you learn about yourself or the other person if someone else is involved, or maybe just be proud of how you handled the situation.
  2. Believe all things happen for a reason. This has been a personal mantra of mine for years. It leads to acceptance faster, and then you can move on.
  3. Share the load. The first thing Dave and I do when we have a bad day is unload on each other. It’s one of the things I love most about him—that no matter what happens, I can come home and share my feelings and he will always listen and support me.
  4. Be self-aware. Take time to deconstruct what happened and why it affected you the way it did. Don’t dwell on the past, but be self-aware to learn and grow. Read my earlier post on developing emotional intelligence.
  5. Refocus on what’s important. Once you’ve deconstructed the event, focus on the future and what’s next. Set goals. Decide where you go from here and take decisive action.
  6. Recharge your batteries. When we’ve been knocked down, it takes a toll, both physically and emotionally. Take time to recharge your batteries. Go for a walk, zone out, do something that will help you get your inner strength and resolve back.
  7. Laugh in the face of adversity. This one’s easier said than done, but sometimes forcing yourself to laugh or trying to find humour in the situation can help.

This week’s #HappyAct is to think about how resilient you are. When you get knocked down, how fast do you bounce back? Try some of these tips to help build your resiliency. Leave a comment–how do you stay strong so you can bounce back?

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Toast your buns

Mother and daughter in car
Grace and I fighting over the heated car seats

Minus 27 degrees Celcius. The deep freeze is finally here. The consensus on Facebook yesterday seemed to be the best way to beat the cold was to stay inside.

Not us. We spent three hours down at the lake yesterday, clearing off the rink, skating, skiing and even having a hot dog cookout. After warming up inside, we headed out again, this time in the car to Westport for a church spaghetti supper.

I don’t consider myself high maintenance. I don’t own a Coach purse or Gucci wallet. I drive a 10-year old Honda and I’m just as happy with a simple pasta supper at home or at the church in Westport than getting dressed up and going out to a fancy restaurant.

But there is one luxury I have come to appreciate, especially in the dead of winter–heated car seats.

Whenever we venture out on a cold day, the girls and I race to Dave’s car and fight over the front seat. The victor hops in the passenger side and cranks the dial to 24 or 25 and waits for the warmth of the seat to make their tush tingle. It’s luxury, pure luxury on a cold winter’s day.

Clare usually wins, because she “claims” she gets car sickness in the back seat of Dave’s car. Grace and I think it’s a sinister ruse. Trust me, it’s hard to be sympathetic when the little minx blurts out “My buttocks are burning!”

Happiness isn’t a warm puppy when it’s minus 27 outside. Happiness is a heated car seat.

This week’s #HappyAct is to fight for the front seat, or find something to keep your buns toasty warm. And if one of your kids claims they feel car sick, be heartless. Race as fast as you can to claim the front seat–no butts about it.

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Forget the Super Bowl, watch the Puppy Bowl

puppy bowl logoI used to think the biggest TV sporting event of the year was the Super Bowl. I was wrong. Puppy Bowl 12 kicks off today at 3 p.m. Sponsored by Animal Planet, and billed as the cutest sporting event ever, the bowl of dreams features 49 players from different animal shelters across the United States playing for #TeamRuff or #TeamFluff.

There’s a tailgate party starting at 2:30, Pup Close and Personal features on each player and a Kitty half-time show.

If you’re on Twitter you can follow @MeeptheBird for the latest news, puppy drama and locker room moments from inside the stadium.

Who are you going to cheer for, Bonnie, Clyde, Wrinkles, Cream Puff or maybe Brooklyn? All the puppies playing in today’s bowl are either up for adoption or have been adopted.

As they say in one of their trailers for today’s show, “They can smell victory, and I’m pretty sure they will lick it too.”

This week’s #HappyAct is to forget #SuperBowlSunday and watch the #PuppyBowl. Check out this video featuring some of this year’s line-up. And special thanks to my friend Tim Aylesworth for helping me discover Puppy Bowl mania!