Posted on in arts, charitable, community, Food and drink, holidays

Score a free meal

My husband and I enjoying a free lunch at Grace Hall in Sydenham

Don’t let anyone tell you there’s no such thing as a free lunch.

This past month, I’ve enjoyed four free lunches, making me an official pensioner. I come by it honestly. The Swinton family motto after all is, “You can call me anything you want, just don’t call me late for dinner.”

My first free lunch was the annual Celebration of Friends of Empire Life retirees and 25-year employees. It was a wonderful afternoon of catching up with old friends and colleagues at the Kingston Marriott. Three hours flew by, and I realized I didn’t get a chance to talk to even half the people that were there.

My second free lunch was a thank you from my dear friend Pamela who is turning 92 this month. I drive Pamela to writing class every other Friday and she suggested we have lunch before class at Hattie’s Cove, the Senior’s Centre restaurant. They offer a free lunch to members each month celebrating a birthday.

My last two free lunches were volunteer appreciation luncheons hosted by South Frontenac Township and Southern Frontenac Community Services where Dave and I volunteered this summer in their garden. They were catered by Rampart Kitchens, a wonderful local caterer and we enjoyed eating the delicious Greek-themed meals, chatting with other volunteers in our community and listening to live music at the Grace Centre.

So, the next time someone tells you there’s no such thing as a free lunch, follow the Swinton rule.

The holiday season and New Year always provide ample opportunities to snag free nosh. Shop at stores that offer free hot chocolate and snacks, attend a dinner or craft night at your local church, or watch for invitations to a New Year’s Levee in your community. Many service groups or churches also offer a free Christmas or holiday meal at this time of year. Happy munching!

Note: While this post is meant to be tongue in cheek and a thank you for my free lunches this past month, food insecurity is a growing issue in many communities. Food Banks are in desperate need of donations, so if you are able to give, please give to your local food bank this holiday season. And if you live in South Frontenac, the Verona Lions host a free Christmas dinner every year on December 25 at noon at the Verona Lions Hall. They ask you register on their website so they have an idea of numbers.

Craig Jones and friends playing music at the Grace Hall in Sydenham
Posted on in community, environment, Historical, lake living, nature

Stewards of the land

view of sea and mountains at sunset in Plockton

As I grow older, I am convinced more than ever that I am just an interloper on this earth. A transient squatter that one day will evaporate, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The land, however, will live on.

I am reminded of this every day I watch the wildlife in the woods I live in and the lakes I paddle on. They belong to the blue jays, beavers, porcupines, deer, woodpeckers, dragonflies, butterflies and herons. And yet, humankind aspires to own property and claim it as our own, putting up fences and markers to demarcate what is rightfully ours, and keep people and animals out.

I love my property, but I have always believed it is ours to steward and share, not own. I know there are many of my neighbours who would disagree with me.

Since moving to the country, I’ve seen the widely opposing views on property. Some are generous, allowing people to hike, and even hunt on their land and use private water access points. Others are aggressive in their defence of “their land”, putting up gates and guarding their property with shotguns. You better know who you’re dealing with if you wander down a private laneway or path.

One of my favourite walks in Scotland this summer was on private property in the tiny seaside village of Plockton, just off the Isle of Skye. There is an isthmus that juts out to sea, owned by a local family who has granted permission to anyone to hike the trails around their modest farmhouse. It was one of the most beautiful hikes I’ve ever done, and reminded me of the seascape on Vancouver Island.

In 2003, Scotland adopted the Land Reform Act, commonly known as “right to roam” that gives the people of Scotland the right to access and roam the land and inland waterways, including public lands, farmers’ fields, and other private property. Basic principles include respecting people’s privacy, caring for the environment, leaving no trace, and ensuring no damage is caused to crops or livestock.

England has not been as progressive in adopting this principle and we had some interesting conversations with fellow hikers and locals about the right to roam and our relationship to land and property.

As a society, we have been poor stewards of the land. From polluting our oceans, to mismanagement of our forests and the ever-threatening impacts of climate change, we have failed in our attempts to be good stewards of this planet. One writer described it as “soiling our own nest”, an apt description.

We’ve also incurred irreparable harm to our planet and humankind by trying to define borders and territories. Wars have been fought and millions of lives lost from the desire to conquer land.

In this, as in so many things, we can learn from Indigenous peoples who have a deep connection to nature, viewing themselves as part of an interdependent ecosystem with a deep commitment to care for the land and its creatures for future generations. 

This week’s #HappyAct is to do one small thing to care for the land and creatures in your backyard, all the while accepting it’s not really your backyard in the first place.

Deer in garden

Photos: at top: the view from a trail owned by homeowner’s in Plockton, Scotland, looking out over the sea. Above: deer grazing in my garden.

Posted on in arts, charitable, global relations, Historical, inspiration, photography

Golden Happiness: the story of the napalm girl

Photo, The Terror of War taken on March 8, 1972 of the Napalm girl Kim Phuc

On March 8, 1972, a moment caught in time changed the world. It was the photo of 9-year old Kim Phuc, running naked on a road after being severely burned by a napalm attack in the Vietnamese War. The photo, later named “The Terror of War”, would go on to win a Pulitzer Prize and sway the shifting sands of sentiment against the war in Vietnam.

I was very fortunate last week to meet Kim and hear her speak about the day her village was bombed, the famous photo and how it impacted her life, and her path to faith, forgiveness and finding peace in her heart and happiness as a wife, mother and through her work as a UNESCO Global Ambassador for Peace.

Kim, whose name means Golden Happiness in Vietnamese was just nine years old when the Viet Cong invaded her village. The villagers, especially the children, were sent to a nearby temple where they would be safe. When the four bombs hit her village, she ran. The searing heat from the napalm at 1200 degrees Celsius burned the clothes off her body and much of her skin.

Presumed dead, her body was taken to the morgue where she lay motionless, in agony for three days before her parents found her and moved her to a hospital. She was transferred to a burn hospital where she spent the next 14 months.

Ten years later, Kim was studying to be a doctor when the South Vietnamese government had her dismissed from medical school. They wanted her to be a national symbol and puppet spokesperson, but as Kim puts it, she did not want to give them the power over her story and refused to comply. She was sent to Cuba for the next six years, where she met her husband, a North Korean.

Returning from their honeymoon in Moscow, Kim knew one of her only chances for freedom was to defect. When their plane stopped in Gander, Newfoundland for an hour layover and to refuel, she knew what she had to do. She and her husband got off the plane and sought political asylum in Canada.

For many years, the emotional and physical scars of her ordeal (she has undergone 17 surgeries over the years) filled her heart with hatred. But she realized she had two choices, to change her heart, or die from hatred. She said it took years to find peace and forgive her enemies.

She told one story of going to Washington in 1996 and visiting the Vietnam War Memorial. It was a large public event and she was asked to speak. Many Vietnam vets were attending, including the soldier who planned the attack on her village (the pilot who dropped the bombs was actually Vietnamese).

This soldier, named John, came forward and said he had never forgiven himself for the past 24 years for what he did to her and her village. She hugged him, and realized for the first time she was not the only one who suffered that day. They remain close friends to this day.

Kim’s message is still relevant in today’s troubled world: peace, love and forgiveness will always be more powerful than hatred.

I was struck by how beautiful, inside and out Kim was. She radiated peace, goodness, and loved to laugh. Her favourite saying was “No way, Jose!” and she said “eh?” several times, declaring herself a true Canadian.

In 1997, she founded the Kim Foundation International, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping child victims of war. She still lives in Ajax, Ontario with her husband, and has three children and several grandchildren.

She also shared her secrets for living a happy, successful life:

Free your heart from hatred
Free your mind from worry
Live simple
Give more
Expect less

This week is Remembrance Day. As we honour the men and women who sacrificed their lives for our country, and the victims of war, remember the words of the napalm girl, that peace, love and forgiveness will always be more powerful than hatred.

Me and Kim Phuc Phan Thi, the Napalm girl
Posted on in ageing, family, mental health, retirement, work

Retirement: a man’s perspective

Man with a big fish

Special guest blog by Dave Swinton

Retirement has been a difficult transition for me. I’m coming up on two years now and I still haven’t adjusted as well as some people do. I was sitting this afternoon, watching the rain pelt against the window obscuring a grey fall transition to winter, when it hit me.

Nobody needs me anymore.

I was always in middle management in my career. Always giving vague direction and punishing people for not reading my mind as the old Dilbert cartoon used to read. My specialty was putting out fires. People came to me looking for answers and I tried my best to write a plan on a cocktail napkin and hope it worked well enough to fool my superiors. 

My days were an endless mix of planning, timesheets, scheduling, maintenance and finding the best ways to get the most out of each and every person who worked for me. I loved being needed at work even if I didn’t always love the work itself. Fast forward two years later and the only decisions I have to make are which trail to walk the dog on and what we are having for supper. Work doesn’t need me anymore.

My kids certainly don’t need me either. Both are out living their lives, one almost finished university (so proud) and looking at where she will end up next, the other knee-deep studying whatever biochemistry is. Except for rare conversations about new musical groups (Red Clay Strays and Tyler Childers) and the odd supper, they are completely and utterly embracing their own lives. No more rides to a remote hockey rink on a snowy winter road, no more conversations asking for advice on relationships. They don’t need me anymore.

Honestly the only person who even tolerates me is my life partner. Truthfully, I think if she had to pick between me and the dog, we all know who would win. Bookending Monday badminton and Tuesday line dancing is Friday writing groups and Saturday stock sport tournaments. She has embraced retirement with gusto and I am glad for this. She doesn’t need me anymore.

All the influencers talking about retirement being the golden age should have their heads examined. For some, retirement is a time to worry, to wander aimlessly trying to find direction and meaning in their lives, all the while wondering if their investments will support them until they leave this earthly abode. 

I know that some of you are saying to yourself, what does he have to whine about? Lives on a lake, semi-good looking, gorgeous wife, yada, yada, yada but for some, myself included, the emptiness from not being needed outweighs all aspects in life.

Tread well into retirement my friends, sometimes it’s not all as advertised.

And if you see a white Dodge Cummins diesel with a 30-foot trailer rolling down the 401 at a buck twenty, festooned with Kingston BMW logos on it, know that someone is still depending on me to deliver a car that is worth more than my last annual salary. I guess someone still needs me……….

More on retirement

Posted on in entertainment, sports

Jump on the bandwagon

Vladimir Guerrero Jr fanning Alejandro Kirk with a towel

I remember it clearly. The year was 1992. Dave and I had just got married on a beautiful fall day, October 3rd and returned home from our honeymoon to watch the final games of the World Series in two lawn chairs in our empty apartment in Port Credit.  41-year old Dave Winfield swings and hits a two-run double in the eleventh inning of Game 6 against the Atlanta Braves to win the game, making the Toronto Blue Jays the first Canadian team ever to win the World Series of baseball.

Growing up in Toronto, I’ve been cheering on the boys in blue since their first at bat in April 1977, when they won their first game against the Chicago White Sox in a snowstorm at the old Exhibition Stadium. I remember going to quite a few of those early games with snowflakes in the air. In those days, Dominion grocery offered $4 tickets and all of us Ryerson students would skip classes and pile into the stadium to eat 60-cent hot dogs and drink $2 beers. When the Skydome and its retractable roof opened its doors in 1989, we felt like we were watching games in luxury, pure luxury. 

Now the Jays are making another run at the coveted crown of baseball. It’s a Cinderella story. A bunch of rag-tag guys who started the season playing less than 500 ball, guys like Nathan Lukes who almost gave up the game after playing in the minors for many years and Addison Barger who just started playing in the majors in 2024.

This team has heart and a deep love for each other and the game.

My favourite moment so far was when Vladimir Guerrero Jr. fanned Alejandro Kirk with a towel after his epic run from second base to score home in Game 5 of the ALS championship series against Seattle. That’s love.

Or this TSN post-game interview with Davis Schneider after Game 1 of the World Series who confessed that Barger, the night before hitting Friday night’s grand slam in Game 1 against LA slept on Schneider’s couch since his own place was full of visiting family.

Yes, this band of Boys in Blue deserve our respect. They deserve to win.

This week’s #HappyAct is to wear your bandwaggoner badge with pride and cheer on the boys in blue. Go Jays Go!

Posted on in arts, lifestyle, nature, science of happiness

Spend time in solitude

Book cover of The Stranger in the Woods by Michael Finkel

How long could you go without talking to another human being and be happy?

I’ve been thinking about this question after finishing a fascinating read, The Stranger in the Woods, the Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit by Michael Finkel.

It’s the story of Christopher Knight, an average guy who at the age of 26, decided to live in the Maine woods on his own and didn’t talk or interact with another human being for the next 27 years.

He didn’t create art, he never kept a journal, he didn’t even talk to himself. He just spent his days in his clearing (the guy didn’t even have a cabin) surviving and existing.

Knight was never lonely during his time in the woods. He would sometimes read or listen to the radio, but spent the majority of his free time sitting in a lawn chair “in quiet contemplation” thinking about wherever his mind went. He claimed he was never bored and didn’t understand the concept of boredom. Boredom only applied to people “who felt they had to be doing something all the time.”

In considering Knight’s motives, Finkel explores various ancient beliefs and customs centred around living a life of solitude.

The first great literary work about solitude was written by a hermit protestor Lao-tzu in the sixth century. In Tao Te Ching, Lao-tzu wrote 81 verses about the pleasure of forsaking society and living in harmony with the seasons. Lao-tzu believed that only through retreat rather than pursuit, through inaction, rather than action, that we acquire wisdom and peace.

Finkel quotes the eighteenth-century philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau. “I have become solitary because to me the most desolate solitude seems preferable to the society of wicked men which is nourished only in betrayals and hatred.”

Carl Jung said that only an introvert could see the “unfathomable stupidity of man.” Sartre wrote “Hell is other people.”

Herman Melville who wrote Moby Dick withdrew from public life for 30 years. He wrote, “All profound things are preceded and attended by Silence.”

The greatest philosopher of all time, Dave says, “I prefer to spend my time with dogs than people.”

Knight related to the Greek philosophy of stoicism that held self-control and harmonious existence with nature constituted a virtuous life and you must endure hardship without complaint.

He also felt a kinship with Socrates who said, “Beware the barrenness of a busy life. You become free not when you fulfill your desires, but by eliminating desire. Those with less become content; those with more become confused.”

So what learnings can we take away from these philosophies and Knight’s experience? I’m not suggesting we turn our back on society, but perhaps we can experience a greater peace, stillness and happiness by seeking moments of solitude.

I asked at the start how many days can you go without speaking to another soul? I’ve learned for me the answer is three days. I can spend three days quietly at home, at peace in nature and be happy. After three days, I seek human interaction and connection and will reach out to friends or plan some social activity.

I have blogged before about the epidemic of loneliness. It’s important to delineate between being alone and being lonely.

Solitude when chosen, can be bliss, but when it is forced upon mankind, it can be torturous and is still to this day one of the great punishments inflicted on people.

Finkel makes this point in the book, quoting US Senator John McCain who spent more than five years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, two of them alone. McCain described his experience as “awful. It crushes your spirit. The onset of despair is immediate.”

Solitude must be a choice.

It seems only fitting to bestow the final words to Knight: “If you like solitude, you are never alone. What I miss most in the woods is somewhere in between quiet and solitude. What I miss most is stillness.”

“Solitude bestows an increase in something valuable…Solitude increased my perception. But here’s the tricky thing: when I applied my increased perception to myself, I lost my identity. There was no audience, no one to perform for. There was no need to define myself. I became irrelevant.”

His isolation felt like a communion. “My desires dropped away. I didn’t long for anything. I didn’t even have a name. To put it romantically, I was completely free.”

This week’s #HappyAct is to experience solitude. Be happy and be free.

Leave a comment: how many minutes, hours or days could you go without talking to someone?

Posted on in family, Food and drink, holidays, humour

Happy turkey day

Roasted turkey

Conversation with Clare over FaceTime this morning. She’s cooking a turkey for the first time for her friends in Halifax. We’re in the car driving to our local conservation area to walk off last night’s Thanksgiving dinner:

“I’m cooking a turkey for our Friendsgiving tonight. How long do I cook it for?”

Dave: “How many pounds is it?”

“18 pounds.”

 “6 hours at 350 then.”

 “6 hours? I ain’t got time for dat.”

 “I hope it’s unfrozen. Did you take it out of the freezer?”

“I don’t know, it’s been in the fridge.”

“You better check to make sure it’s unfrozen or it won’t be ready in time. What time are you having dinner?”

“6 pm” (it’s 12 noon in Halifax already). Yells to her roommates: “Make sure you turn the fire alarm off”. Then, “How do I tell if it’s unfrozen?”

“Stick your hand inside it and see if it’s hard.”

“Oh lordie, lordie that’s cold. It’s a little hard but I think it’s mainly unfrozen. What do I do next?”

“You have to look for the neck and giblets and take them out.”

“Jib what?”

“Giblets. They’ll be in a little bag.”

“Okay, I got them. What was the other thing?”

“The neck.”

“Huh?”

“It looks like 4-inch penis. You have to pull it out.”

“I don’t see anything that looks like that.”

I’m laughing so hard at this point I miss the turn to the conservation area. Dave has to stop giving turkey instructions to give me road directions.

Dave: “There might not be a neck. Not all turkeys come with the neck and it’s okay to cook it with the neck in if it is there.”

“Okay, now what do I do?”

“Just add some water to the bottom of the pan, cover it up and put it in the oven.”

At this point, she gets distracted and starts talking to Grace about her outfit. “Is that a pink Lululemon top? I love it.”

Grace: “Yeah, I’ll bring it to Halifax when I come see you on the weekend so you can steal it from me.”

She finally finishes covering up the turkey with foil and puts it in the oven. She holds up her happy face oven mitts wide with pride.

“Happy Turkey Day guys.”

To all my loyal readers, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. We were grateful for the family, friends and laughter around our table last night but missed our loved ones far away.

Posted on in health and wellness, lifestyle, science of happiness, travel

Take the Finnish Masterclass on happiness

Wilderness guide Petri Kokkonen, one of the instructors

It’s 10 degrees and raining right now in Finland, and yet those crazy Finns are all probably happily curled up inside in their cozy houses in front of a roaring fire with their thick, brightly-coloured woolen socks, sipping a cup of hot coffee or glogi.

Finland has been named the happiest country in the world for the last eight consecutive years in a row, according to the World Happiness Report.

Now you too can channel your inner finn and learn the Finnish methods of happiness by taking Finland’s free Masterclass of Happiness course online this fall.

After watching five online videos narrated by expert coaches on four central themes, you’ll be tasked with an assignment. The four central themes are connection to nature, health and balance, design and the everyday, and food and wellbeing.

After you complete each lesson, you’ll receive a certificate.

To give you a flavour of what to expect, in the first lesson, Petri Kokkonen, a wilderness guide who lives in the remote Vätsäri region, will help you experience the peace and tranquility of nature in daily life and help you become one with nature.

In the segment on design, design professional Taina Snellman-Langenskiöld talks about how much our homes and the spaces we visit affect our well-being.

Full disclosure: this course and site is run by Visit Finland, the country’s tourism operator and it will suggest how you can further your happiness journey with travel suggestions at the end. I became aware of it when they ran a contest the first year it was offered and held in person in Finland. The success of the course and contest made Visit Finland realize they were on to something, and they made it available to everyone online. Now the tagline “Visit Finland—the happiness country in the world” features predominantly in their advertising.

This week’s #HappyAct is to find your inner Finn and take the Masterclass in Happiness.

Related: Read about hygge, the ancient Danish tradition of creating a warm atmosphere to relax in with friends and family.

Posted on in arts, entertainment, Hobbies, humour, Technology and social media

Find out what you’re great at

Terrible painting of beach and palm trees

I’ve always been jealous of people who are really great at something.

I know I’ve been dealt more than a fair hand at life. I’m average-looking with average intelligence and am generally considered to be a nice person.

I was a good student but never Mensa or Harvard material. I can hold my own in most sports, but never competed provincially or at a higher competitive level. I can make a mean stew and banana bread, but would never cut it on Master Chef Canada.

I can write passably, but nowadays with ChatGPT, Bing and Gemini, any human and now machine can spew out the drivel I share each week in my little Crappy Act as Dave likes to call it.

The list of things I suck at is even longer. I can’t sew or hem, I wouldn’t know where to begin on any building or home renovation project and I’ve inherited my father’s innate inability at wrapping presents. (One of my favourite things to do on Christmas Eve was watch my father make a batch of wrapping every one of my Mom’s presents while drinking a few glasses of rye and ginger.)

It doesn’t help that the entertainment industry flaunts in our faces the many talents of celebrities who seem to be great at everything. Jim Carrey is an accomplished artist. Actresses like Anna Kendrick, Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson can act, dance and sing like songbirds plus have successful businesses on the side. Anthony Hopkins writes symphonies for gods’ sake. And those Helmsworth brothers, Chris and Liam. It’s not enough they’re gorgeous and talented actors, they can even dance.

When I retired, I hoped I would discover something I’m great at. I tried painting since my Mom was an accomplished painter.

I signed up for a 3-hour workshop where the theme was painting a beach scene, since it was the dreary winter months. Using a photo as our inspiration, my friend Angela and I spent the next three hours practising our brush strokes painting white sand beaches, blue waters and palm trees. While people ooh’ed and aah’ed over each other’s canvases, mine somehow ended up resembling L.A. after the wildfires. One guy actually said to me, “Yeah, those palm trees aren’t good.”

I tossed the finished painting on my dresser for a couple of weeks, trying to decide whether I should fix it, paint over it or just throw it out. One day I came home and it wasn’t there. Dave had hung it as a joke in the kitchen above the stove. It’s still hanging there. A true masterpiece. Judge for yourself.

Okay, so maybe painting isn’t my thing. But just maybe it’s not as important to discover what you are great at, so much as what you are most passionate about and love to do.

For now, I will keep searching for my greatness.

Posted on in global relations, mental health, Technology and social media

Hit delete

Picture of globe and words "Delete one thing from Earth that you think would make it better"

I read a post on Twitter the other day that asked if you could delete one thing from earth that would make it better, what would you delete?

As always with the internet, the answers were fascinating and insightful.

Three old men destroying the world with pictures of Putin Trump and Netanyahu
Mosquito biting a man
Evolution of man saying "Go back we fucked up everything"
Woody and Buzz from Toy Story saying "Assholes, Assholes, Everywhere"

Some people said racism, social media, war, hatred.

Still more: fossil fuels, lies, nuclear weapons, cell phones.

One person said, “The necessity of money to survive”.

I laughed at the guy who said, “Beers, I’ve been trying to delete them one at a time.”

It made me wonder, if you could delete one thing from your own life, what would it be?