Tag: mental health

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, science of happiness

Find your happiness sweetspot in 2026

sign saying The Happiness Sweetspot

It’s a New Year and as always, I wish you my loyal readers, much joy, success and most of all happiness in 2026.

One thing I’ve learned after blogging about happiness for more than a decade is we don’t always know what we want or need to do to be happier. We get caught up in the daily hamster wheel of cooking, cleaning, going to work, taking our kids to activities or rushing out to our own commitments leaving us feeling drained, exhausted and defeated. Or worse, we suffer from a general malaise, where it’s hard to see the happy in our lives.

So in the spirit of the eternal optimism a new year brings, here is a simple little exercise to help you discover what actions to take this year to be happier. I call it the Happiness Sweetspot Table.

  1. On a blank sheet of paper or in a spreadsheet, make a table with six columns across the top. In the first three columns, write
    • Things that make me happy
    • Importance (on a scale from 1-5, 5 being most important to you)
    • Frequency (on a scale from 1-5, 5 being you do them frequently and 1 being you do them rarely)
  2. In the next three columns, do the same for Things that make me unhappy
  3. Start filling out the Things that make me happy and Things that make me unhappy columns. Examples could include playing a favourite sport, spending time with friends, spending time in nature, playing guitar, etc. Try to be specific as possible. Examples of things that make you unhappy could include commuting, eating alone, cleaning the house, a volunteer commitment, etc.
  4. Next, rank how important and how frequently you do each activity on a scale from 1-5.
  5. Multiply the importance and frequency columns to get a total score for each activity.
  6. Add one final column at the end called “Things I’ve Always Wanted to Do/Try but never made time for”.
  7. Analyze your list. Your table should look something like this.
Table ranking things that make you happy

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What items received the highest score on the unhappy list and how can you reduce or eliminate them? For instance, if you hate cleaning the house, can you lighten up on the cleaning or afford a housekeeper once a month?
  2. What items on your happy list did you rank highest for importance but lowest for frequency. How can you make time for these going forward?
  3. What surprised you?
  4. What items did you add to the things you’ve always wanted to do but never made time for? What’s stopping you?

Try to be introspective and as brutally honest with yourself. While we all enjoy watching Netflix, ask yourself does it truly make you happy, or is it just a default for something to do on a cold winter night? If it doesn’t make you happy or unhappy, leave it off the list. The goal is to identify the things in your life that give you the most joy and fulfillment and the things that are acting as a drag on your happiness.

Of course, it isn’t an exact science. If you ranked “playing golf” as a 5 for importance, but 1 for frequency because it’s January, for an overall score of 5, that may not reflect how much golf makes you happy. Feel free to adjust the numbers, but also maybe think outside the box. Play some indoor golf this month, or book a golf trip if you can afford it.

Finally, identify two to three specific actions you can take this year to do more of what makes you happy, and less of what makes you unhappy. For instance, if you discovered that eating alone makes you unhappy and you eat alone seven nights a week, see if any of your friends are interested in starting a rotating potluck supper night one night a week, or suggest meeting a friend in the park for lunch once the weather gets nice.

This week’s #HappyAct is to discover your happiness sweetspots. May 2026 be your happiest year yet.

Posted on in ageing, family, mental health, retirement, work

Retirement: a man’s perspective

Man with a big fish

Special guest blog by Dave Swinton

Retirement has been a difficult transition for me. I’m coming up on two years now and I still haven’t adjusted as well as some people do. I was sitting this afternoon, watching the rain pelt against the window obscuring a grey fall transition to winter, when it hit me.

Nobody needs me anymore.

I was always in middle management in my career. Always giving vague direction and punishing people for not reading my mind as the old Dilbert cartoon used to read. My specialty was putting out fires. People came to me looking for answers and I tried my best to write a plan on a cocktail napkin and hope it worked well enough to fool my superiors. 

My days were an endless mix of planning, timesheets, scheduling, maintenance and finding the best ways to get the most out of each and every person who worked for me. I loved being needed at work even if I didn’t always love the work itself. Fast forward two years later and the only decisions I have to make are which trail to walk the dog on and what we are having for supper. Work doesn’t need me anymore.

My kids certainly don’t need me either. Both are out living their lives, one almost finished university (so proud) and looking at where she will end up next, the other knee-deep studying whatever biochemistry is. Except for rare conversations about new musical groups (Red Clay Strays and Tyler Childers) and the odd supper, they are completely and utterly embracing their own lives. No more rides to a remote hockey rink on a snowy winter road, no more conversations asking for advice on relationships. They don’t need me anymore.

Honestly the only person who even tolerates me is my life partner. Truthfully, I think if she had to pick between me and the dog, we all know who would win. Bookending Monday badminton and Tuesday line dancing is Friday writing groups and Saturday stock sport tournaments. She has embraced retirement with gusto and I am glad for this. She doesn’t need me anymore.

All the influencers talking about retirement being the golden age should have their heads examined. For some, retirement is a time to worry, to wander aimlessly trying to find direction and meaning in their lives, all the while wondering if their investments will support them until they leave this earthly abode. 

I know that some of you are saying to yourself, what does he have to whine about? Lives on a lake, semi-good looking, gorgeous wife, yada, yada, yada but for some, myself included, the emptiness from not being needed outweighs all aspects in life.

Tread well into retirement my friends, sometimes it’s not all as advertised.

And if you see a white Dodge Cummins diesel with a 30-foot trailer rolling down the 401 at a buck twenty, festooned with Kingston BMW logos on it, know that someone is still depending on me to deliver a car that is worth more than my last annual salary. I guess someone still needs me……….

More on retirement

Posted on in global relations, mental health, Technology and social media

Hit delete

Picture of globe and words "Delete one thing from Earth that you think would make it better"

I read a post on Twitter the other day that asked if you could delete one thing from earth that would make it better, what would you delete?

As always with the internet, the answers were fascinating and insightful.

Three old men destroying the world with pictures of Putin Trump and Netanyahu
Mosquito biting a man
Evolution of man saying "Go back we fucked up everything"
Woody and Buzz from Toy Story saying "Assholes, Assholes, Everywhere"

Some people said racism, social media, war, hatred.

Still more: fossil fuels, lies, nuclear weapons, cell phones.

One person said, “The necessity of money to survive”.

I laughed at the guy who said, “Beers, I’ve been trying to delete them one at a time.”

It made me wonder, if you could delete one thing from your own life, what would it be?

Posted on in arts, entertainment, health and wellness, humour, mental health, science of happiness

A funny thing happened on the way to my improv class

Group of people from improv class

Special guest post by Jon Begg

Our bus hit a polar bear. Someone was giving the bear CPR and my head was stuck in its jaws and no one was helping me. Seriously.

Fear. Absolute fear. How did I get myself into this situation?

Well, I signed up for it, a Level One improv class at the Tett Centre in Kingston.

I was a longtime fan of Whose Line is it Anyway so when I saw the ad for improv classes pop up on my Facebook feed I thought ‘Why not’?

I sent the payment, put all the dates on my calendar, told my wife I would be busy Tuesday nights, poured myself a tall glass of red wine and thought to myself “What have I done….?’

The class will probably be filled with quick-thinking Queen’s students… and me. I’m almost 62. I forget people’s names, I can’t think of the right word now and then, I never remember where I put my wallet and keys and the list goes on.

Now I’m going to be put in odd situations with people I don’t know, with no prep time, and have to make a 3-4 minute scene flow seamlessly by blurting what comes to mind first! “Don’t think” they tell you, the gold is what comes out first. Oh, and it helps if you get a few laughs along the way. No pressure at all.

It turns out there was no pressure.

I wasn’t the oldest in the class which for some reason made me feel good.

And there was laughter. Every class. We laughed with others and we laughed at ourselves.

Reader’s Digest had a section called Laughter is the Best Medicine. Turns out it’s true. Laughter is a wonderful thing. Studies around the world have shown laughter boosts immunity, lowers stress hormones, decreases pain, relaxes your muscles, and can help prevent heart disease. Those are just the physical benefits. Mentally, laughter eases anxiety, tension and stress, and can improve your mood. It checked a lot of boxes for me.

Improv was a great way for me to challenge myself, but more importantly, a great way to laugh at myself and at others sweating it out on stage!

For two hours a week I gave no thought to divisive politics, inflation, how to survive retirement, or the long list of social issues we hear about on our daily news feeds. I just laughed. I highly recommend it.

I hope that polar bear is doing okay.

Jon Begg

Jon Begg is a communications specialist, husband, father, grandfather, and fisherman who’s been telling jokes and laughing all his life.

Posted on in mental health, nature, science of happiness

Rainy day people

Girl walking on the beach in the rain

It feels like it’s been raining cats and dogs and elephants this spring. The grass and yellow dandelions in the yard are a foot high, the plants from the garden centre sit shivering in our driveway, and muddy shoes lay strewn across the front porch caked with mud. Everyone I talked to is fed up with the rain.

It begs the question, how does rain affect our happiness and mood?

Rain can make some people sad or depressed. We can’t (or won’t) get outside to do the things we enjoy which puts a damper on our mood. This is true and well-documented for people who are more prone to suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in the winter months. Lack of sunlight decreases the production of serotonin, a neurotransmitter proven to help regulate anxiety, happiness, and mood.

But you may be surprised to learn rain can have a positive impact on our mental health and happiness and there are some of us who love the rain. They even have a name: pluviophiles. For these people, rain can be rejuvenating, calming, and restorative. Let’s dive into the science.

When it rains, negative ions are released. These are odourless, invisible molecules which are created in moving water. When it rains and water hits a hard surface, the drops break up and pick up a charge. If it is a negative charge, it can generate electrons that can be picked up by molecules in the air, such as oxygen and carbon dioxide, forming negative ions. Research on the effects of negative ions indicates they boost mood, relieve stress, and give us more energy.

Then there is the impact on our olfactory senses. The earthy scent after a rain has a name too. It’s called petrichor, from the Greek words petra, meaning “stone”, and ichor, meaning “the fluid that flows in the veins of the gods”. Petrichor includes a chemical called geosmin, which is made by bacteria in soil. Inhaling it can have a calming effect.

I personally love the sound of rain. On a rainy day, I’m quite happy to sit in my screen porch and listen to the steady drumming of the raindrops on our steel roof. Relaxation and meditation videos use the sound of rain and buildings include features such as artificial fountains and indoor waterfalls for their relaxing sounds and calming effects.

There are even benefits to the grey skies that come with rainy days. With less light, the body tends to produce more melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep, helping you rest better. 

And yet we tend to be wet blankets when it comes to rain, hiding ourselves indoors until the stormy skies pass.

If you live on the West coast or in Great Britain, you make the best of the rain, dress for the weather and get on with your day.

I once spent six weeks in England and Scotland in November and December. It rained almost every day. That didn’t stop the intrepid Brits. The streets of London were bustling with shoppers, brollies in hand, and the parks were filled with young families with babies in strollers covered in plastic and little ones dressed in bright yellow and red raincoats, splashing in puddles.

Sure, there were days I was tired of the grey skies and panda-sized puddles on the slippery sidewalks, but I remember the wonderful feeling of coming in from the cold, and warming up with a hot cup of tea or enjoying a pint in a cozy pub with some friends.

This week’s #HappyAct is to become a pluviophile and get out for a walk in the rain. Time to go, I see the sun is starting to come out…

Related reading: Swimming in the rain (a poem)

Photo: Clare walking on the beach in the rain in South Carolina

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, science of happiness

It’s okay to be sad

happy and sad face pictures

People don’t talk about being sad anymore. They talk about being unhappy, struggling with their mental health or being depressed, but they don’t talk about being sad.

It’s like the word has been eradicated from our vocabulary.

This is a dangerous and disturbing trend because it presupposes that when we are sad, we have an illness or problem, when sadness is a natural emotion.

The other day I asked a friend how they were doing after spending the first Christmas without their Mom. My friend naturally admitted there were times she was sad, missing her mother very much.

Last week, we dropped Clare off at the airport in Ottawa. We knew it would be the last time we would see her until spring, and I was very sad for a day or two, missing her terribly as we returned to a quiet, empty house.

Author and happiness researcher Helen Russell in “How to Be Sad” says that in order to be happy, you need to allow yourself to be sad sometimes, but most people are terrified of being sad.

Exacerbating the problem is society’s newfound hyper-focus on mental health. We are so focused on mental health that there is a propensity to self-diagnose a deeper issue or problem when we may just be in fact, experiencing temporary, normal sadness.

We are often sad when we experience grief or loss, all inescapable emotions in life. If we are sad, it is because we’ve been blessed to have held something dear and joyous.

For example, as a parent, it is hard to watch your child experience heartbreak, but if they are sad from having their heart broken, it means they have lived and loved, and sadness and heartbreak are all part of the process of loving and finding the right person.

So the next time you find yourself feeling a little down, remember it’s okay to be sad.

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, retirement, work

The top 12 Happy Acts of 2024

Author at a work booth before their retirement

Another year of happy acts have come and gone. Here is my round-up of the top happy acts of 2024. Happy reading!

On climate change, work, and the world we live in

Inspiration and mental health

On parenting, retirement and my friend Harry

Posted on in inspiration, lifestyle, mental health

The Crap Joy Ratio

Penny Marshall quote, "If you're not having a good time, find something else that gives you some joy in life."

Sometimes you find inspiration in the least likely of places.

I often glance at the obituaries in my local newspaper. This morning, I was reading the obit from an accomplished doctor, Dr. Nicholas Evans. The caption under his photo read, “I have used my days well.”

He was Chief of Gastroenterology at The Toronto Western Hospital and a world leader in the research of the gut-brain interaction. What struck me the most was the majority of the column was devoted to his family and life outside of work. One paragraph in particular captured my attention.

His family wrote, “He shared his life-long belief in the ‘Joy/Crap’ ratio with generations of family, friends and colleagues in need of guidance. Everything in life can be distilled down to one simple question—does the crap outweigh the joy? If so, you have your answer, follow the joy, ditch the crap and change what you can to ensure the joy always outweighs the crap.”

So my friends, what is your crap/joy ratio? This week’s #HappyAct is to make one change to achieve a healthier ratio. Ditch the crap. Find the joy.

And if you need a smile, along the same vein of dealing with life’s crap:

Posted on in health and wellness, mental health, nature, Technology and social media

Live in the cloud

Stunning orange clouds

In What if your best friend was a bot, we asked Siri what she looked like. She replied, “In the cloud, nobody cares what you look like”.

The height of irony? Maybe. But what a wonderful world it would be.

Posted on in health and wellness, inspiration, mental health

Look for a silver lining

light in a dark cloudy sky

I’m into week six of living life indoors with a broken ankle.

Aside from the chronic nerve pain, I’ve been surprised that I’ve been able to keep my spirits up for the most part. And in a strange way, there have been some silver linings.

I’ve started on some writing projects I never seemed to have time for.

I’ve been able to spend days home with Bentley, although he mainly just looks at me with sad, accusing eyes.

I’ve spent time on the phone catching up with friends.

For the first time ever, I’m caught up with my bills, correspondence and filing.

I’ve learned that as long as you have the right system, you can be self-sufficient and do things on your own (although I still say you can’t drink a proper cup of tea from a Yeti).

And finally, I’ve learned that even if someday I am limited in my mobility, I’ll be OK. I used to think that if I didn’t get outside every day, I would literally wither away. I now understand how some seniors choose to stay indoors where it is warm and safe during the winter months.

As I gaze out my sunroom windows on this snowy morning, I’m looking forward to my first walk in the fresh snow, but I also know now that if someday, that walk isn’t possible, I can still be happy.

This week’s #HappyAct is to look for the silver lining.