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Be a secret Santa

Secret santaI’ve mentioned before that I’m lucky to work with some of the nicest people you’d ever want to meet. Our work is as hectic as the next place—seems there is no down time these days. They call it the “new normal”. But in December, we make time to celebrate the season and each other’s company.

Some of the traditions we’ve started is helping to pack hampers for the Salvation Army as a team, writing hand-written personal cards, and of course, lots of holiday treats, goodies and a potluck.

This year the gang wanted to do something different than our ordinary gift exchange, and we landed on Secret Santa. We drew names (well, we actually had to draw twice since Jessica put her name on every slip the first time), and for the next two weeks, we are going to delight the person whose name we drew with little surprises to make their day. It’s been so much fun thinking of what I can do for my Secret Santa friend. I can’t wait until the 19th when we have our potluck, exchange gifts and have our “secret Santa reveal”.

This week’s #HappyAct is to be a secret Santa to somebody. Surprise them with a little gift, treat or card telling them how great they are, decorate their cubicle or hang an ornament on their front porch. Embrace the spirit of giving. Let the merriment begin.

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Open a door a day

advent calendarOne of my favourite holiday traditions is counting down the days to Christmas with an advent calendar. Advent begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas. It heralds the time to deck the halls, write cards and prepare for the joyous holiday season.

I think I’ve always liked the activities leading up to Christmas more than Christmas itself. I can’t remember ever not having an advent calendar in the house to help build that excitement and anticipation.

I remember years ago backpacking through Europe with my girlfriend June after university. It was December and we were visiting her uncle Ian Kerr in Aberdeen, Scotland. Ian had an advent calendar, and for the days we visited with him, we celebrated by opening up a door a day. For years after, Ian and I exchanged Christmas cards and his message would always be the same—“time to start the advent calendar”. (Ian Kerr from Aberdeen if you’re out there and reading this blog, drop me a line).

This week’s #HappyAct is to buy an advent calendar and open a door a day from now until Christmas. Discover the magic of the season and the chocolate treat behind the door.

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The most important blog post you’ll ever read: the secret to happiness

Sign secret to happinessWhen I first started this blog, I said there was no secret to happiness. Rather, happiness was a state of being and to be happy, you had to do happy acts and seek joy in every day moments.

Well, after a year of #HappyActs, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I lied.

I believe there is a secret to happiness, and I was lucky enough to stumble upon this pearl of wisdom a few years ago while reading a bathroom book in a bookstore in Chatham, Massachussetts.

The premise of the book was simple: in order to be happy, you need to have low expectations. I remember laughing when I first read that because it goes against everything we are taught, which is to be ambitious, set goals, and have high expectations. But the stark truth and simplicity of this philosophy slowly started to sink in and I have tried to live by this adage ever since.

Have you ever wondered why on sites like TripAdvisor, you read a review of someone who stayed at the same hotel or bed and breakfast as you did, and you thought the place was just fine, but they panned it? It all comes down to expectations.

If you have low expectations, you will always be happy with your lot in life. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set goals and work towards them. On the contrary, anyone will tell you having goals and dreams is critical to having a purpose and feeling fulfilled in life.

Let’s take the example of an Olympic athlete to illustrate this point. Olympic athletes set lofty goals: to be the best in their sport, medal and to be standing on that podium. They work extremely hard to get there, making huge sacrifices to see this dream come true. But when you hear them interviewed, their expectations can be very different—they may expect to finish in the top 10, or beat their best time. And when they don’t get the gold, they are happy with their achievement.

This week’s #HappyAct is to dream big, work hard towards your dreams, but make a conscious effort to have low expectations for yourself. Note I said yourself, not others. Continue to have high expectations of others and they will rise to the occasion. What do you think is the key to happiness (other than doing one happy act a week!)? Leave a comment.

Interested in hearing more? Watch this TedTalk with Barry Schwartz, “The Paradox of Choice”.

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A year of #HappyActs

Happy in AfricaThis week is a milestone for my blog. It has been exactly one year since I started on this journey of doing one happy act a week and inviting others to join me. With any venture, at some point you have to take stock and see if what you are doing is making a difference

So if money could buy happiness, here’s the million dollar question. After one year of happy acts, am I happier? Oddly enough, I think the answer is yes.

Not, in the “OMG, I have a fabulous new job, get to travel the world and meet fabulous people” way (mainly because I have the same old job, travel only occasionally and usually to Napanee, and only get to meet new people at parent council meetings or at work), but in a more subtle and sublime way. And I suspect the reason why all boils done to one revealing truth: self-awarenesss.

There were many reasons I started this blog. Being happier myself wasn’t one of them (the irony). But by simply being more aware of what makes me happy and actively engaging in acts of happiness, I think I am happier.

This week’s #HappyAct is a double assignment. First, take stock. Are you happy? Why or why not? What parts of your life are you satisfied with? What aspects are leaving you feeling less fulfilled? Pinpoint one thing you would like to focus on or change, and make it a goal this year to be happier in this realm of your life. I did this recently when I cleared some columns on the spreadsheet of life. Your second act is to keep joining me each week in this journey of discovery and help me by sharing the happy by sharing an occasional post or two.

 

Like next week’s post, where I’ll share what I think is the key to happiness—don’t miss it!

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Take the Financial Weight Loss Challenge

Piggy bank with workout headbandMost people spend more time planning their next vacation than planning their finances. I’m passionate about travel, but I’m equally as passionate about taking control of your finances.

This was instilled into me long before I started working in the financial services industry. I remember my Dad saving his quarters, dimes and nickels in piles of jars on his dresser to pay for our family vacation each year.

Since then, I’ve lived by a few simple money mantras: live within your means, pay yourself first, buy insurance to take care of your loved ones. But just like everybody else, I know there are other things I should be doing to improve my financial health.

That’s why I was so excited when we came up with the idea at work to promote the launch of our new social media channels and Financial Literacy Month with a Financial Weight Loss Challenge.

The idea is simple. Think about the one thing you know you should do about your finances that you’ve been putting off and take action in the month of November. We recently met with our financial advisor to increase our savings for the kids’ education and our retirement, but there’s two other things on my list: finishing a spreadsheet of all our policies and switching cell phone providers (anyone with any tips on this one, let me know!)

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you peace of mind.

This week’s #HappyAct is to take the #FinancialWeightLoss challenge. Take action this month to take control of your finances and lose the weight of whatever financial decision is weighing you down. Challenge your friends and family members by sharing the Financial Weight Loss challenge post on the Empire Life Facebook page (and like us while you’re there). We’re also running a contest where you can win either a $100 VISA gift card or iPad mini. Be sure to share what one action you are going to take.

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8 things NOT to do if you want to be happy

Our great Pyrenees Bella likes to gnaw on the drywall in our sunroom in the middle of the night
Our great Pyrenees Bella likes to gnaw on the drywall in our sunroom in the middle of the night

It’s been almost a year since I started this blog. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my posts on Sundays, thinking more about what makes you happy and doing each week’s Happy Act.

After almost a year of happy acts, and being more aware of what makes me happy, I’ve also learned what doesn’t make me happy. Here is “the list”.

Eight things NOT to do if you want to be happy

  1. Offer to drive four 8-year olds to summer camp for an entire week
  2. Get a Great Pyrenees as a pet
  3. Go bathing suit shopping unless you’re a size 6 or less
  4. Leave your interior car light on at the Watertown airport while rushing to catch an early morning flight and coming home to a dead battery at 11 p.m. at night
  5. Hang out with negative people
  6. Pick white berries for your holiday wreath (I learned the hard way poison ivy has white berries)
  7. Wear nylons
  8. Challenge your kids to a farting or burping contest

This week’s #HappyAct is really easy—don’t do any of these things! Have a happy week!

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Make fear your friend

Halloween costumes of QR codes
We go big for Halloween at our work–the year we dressed up as QR codes

It’s Halloween, time of ghosts and goblins, spooks and spirits. A time when our imaginations run wild and fear permeates the soul.

Halloween is such a fun holiday. From picking the perfect pumpkin, to dressing up in costumes and trick or treating and all that delicious candy, what’s not to love?

If Halloween is so much fun, why do we make fear our friend for only one week of the year?

I read a blog post the other day by TV anchor Betty Liu about fear. In the post, she talked about Felix Baumgartner,  that crazy guy sponsored by RedBull who broke the sound barrier doing a freefall jump from 39,000 feet from an airplane. Felix was torn between two types of fears: the fear of the actual act of jumping out of the airplane, and the fear of not seeing his dream through and not making the jump. At one point, he was apparently so scared about the mission he literally fled the project for several months.

Liu experienced something similar when she had to make a big career decision. In the end, she asked herself a very important question. If I was in the same spot as I was now, would I be happy?

This week’s #HappyAct is to make fear your friend. The next time you are at a crossroads or have a big decision to make, think of the consequences of not taking action. Will staying where you are make you happy?

Have fun trick or treating this week. This week’s tip: Make fear your friend at Fort Fright, on every night this week in Kingston—guaranteed a frightfully good time!

Girl in Halloween costume and helmet
Clare “crossdressing” this year in her costume and hockey helmet

 

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Chow down on a big greasy breakfast

bacon and eggsThere are times when all you really need in life is a big ol’ plate of greasy food.

Last week, while waiting for my connecting flight in the Philadelphia airport, I dug into a heaping plate of eggs, bacon, home fries and rye toast. When you’re up at 4:30 in the morning, a big greasy breakfast really hits the spot.

A big breakfast is more than just a meal. It’s a cultural experience and has always been a big part of my life (I know that sounds funny so let me explain).

As a kid, I had a Sunday Sun paper route. After delivering all my papers, I’d crawl back into bed and would wake up to the smell of bacon frying through the house—a wonderful memory of my Mom. After my Mom passed away, my Dad, my brothers and I would go every Sunday to the Orchard Family Restaurant at Dundas and Highway 10 in Mississauga—still one of the best breakfasts around. In university days, Sunday greasy breakfasts became the culmination of a weekend of partying at my friends’ townhouse in Waterloo. Life is more sedate these days, and now my favourite big greasy breakfast (other than when I’m on the road) is camping trips with Dave and the girls.

This week’s #HappyAct is to chow down on a big greasy breakfast. Don’t count the calories; count the memories. What’s your favourite greasy spoon? Start a list by leaving a comment. If anyone knows of a good one in the Kingston area, let me know.

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Write an old fashioned thank you note

Donna Swinton
My thank you note to Donna Swinton

This is Thanksgiving weekend, a time when most of us will spend time with family, eat way too much turkey and give thanks.

My mother-in-law still writes old fashioned thank you notes. I wanted to send Donna a special thank you note this Thanksgiving, so I bought a pretty card and sent it to her. I thought I would share it with you too. This is what the card said:

Thank you for not making me name my daughters Gladys

Thank you for the gift of music, our beautiful old piano

Thank you for putting up with John for the last 59 years

Thank you for welcoming me into your family and always treating me like a daughter

Thank you for fixing the zipper on my favourite dress

Thank you for proving that you can have a successful career and be a good mother at the same time

Thank you for somehow being at the same time both the best and worst Cheat card player I’ve ever seen

Thank you for teaching your son how to cook

Thank you for making sandies at Christmas time

Thank you for your youthful giggle and smile that was probably one of the many reasons John fell in love with you all those years ago and still loves you so dearly today

Thank you for your unconditional love and support

Thank you for being the strength and soul of the Swinton clan

This week’s #HappyAct is to write an old fashioned thank you note. Send it to someone who holds a special place in your heart or share it at the table this weekend when you’re giving thanks. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

 

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Stand on your desk

St. George's Cathedral
St. George’s cathedral in Kingston in full autumn glory

I was watching a biography on the great Robin Williams. They showed that memorable scene from Dead Poets Society where he stands on his desk and asks his students why, and he replies, “I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.”

It’s easy to not see what is before our eyes. Case in point. I was driving home the other night and for the first time, saw a bright red roof of a barn shimmering in the late day sun. I had never seen that roof before even though I drive the same route twice a day, five days a week, fifty weeks of the year.

Sometimes we need to make a conscious effort to see things from a new perspective. The risk if we don’t stand on our desks from time to time is feeling uninspired, unfulfilled, bored and unhappy.

This week’s #HappyAct is to stand on your desk and challenge yourself to look at things with a fresh eye. If you’re not into standing on your desk, try this. Every day this week, on your daily walk or commute, pause and look at your surroundings with fresh eye. What did you discover? Leave a comment. Here’s what I found one day on a quick walk around the block from my office.

Limestone carriageway
A limestone carriageway, from the days of horse and carriages.
Doorway
One of the many beautiful doorways of Kingston
Frontenac Club Inn
The Frontenac Club Inn on King and William Streets. Note the plaque on the wall–this is the first time I’ve ever stopped to read it, even though I’ve passed it a million times. It is dedicated to the men of the Frontenac Club who fought in the second world war. I learned the Frontenac Club was made up of leading Kingstonians, garrison officers, faculty and officers of Queen’s University and Royal Military College and was closed in the 1930s when the depression hit.