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A twist on 13 things you must give up to be happy

Inspirational sayingA local Ottawa radio station recently shared a list put out by Pop Sugar, “13 Things You Must Give Up to Be Happy”. Here was their list:

  1. Bad spending habits! Stop accumulating debt. Make a budget and stick to it!
  2. Waiting for the perfect moment. There’s never the perfect time. Live in the moment.
  3. Give up your social media obsession.
  4. Give up living in the past.
  5. Give up yearning to fit in.
  6. Give up your disorganized lifestyle.
  7. Give up overanalyzing situations.
  8. Give up your need to have the best things.
  9. Give up toxic relationships.
  10. Give up your hesitation to indulge. Have fun every now and then.
  11. Give up comparing yourself to others.
  12. Give up your packed schedule.
  13. Give up relying on others to make you feel happy and fulfilled.

Personally, I think they have it backwards. You shouldn’t have to give up things to be happy. It’s like dieting. If you focus on what you can’t eat, odds are you’ll end up falling off the wagon and being extra miserable since you haven’t been able to eat what you like and you’ve failed in your goal to lose weight.

Here’s how I would reframe their list.

13 things to embrace to be happy

  1. Buy what you want as long as it’s within your budget—there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself from time to time.
  2. Make the perfect moment, it’s so easy to do (a hug, stopping to enjoy a beautiful view).
  3. Use social media to share, learn, grow and connect but set limits for yourself so you enjoy the non-wired world too
  4. Learn from your past and focus on the future.
  5. Always be you and be happy with who you are, whether you fit in or not.
  6. Try simple things to help you stay organized so you can focus on what’s important and buy you precious time.
  7. Understand that you will never know why people act or say what they do, and know it may have nothing to do with you.
  8. Have one or two nice things you cherish.
  9. Look for the good in relationships and if there isn’t any, move on.
  10. Indulge yourself and always have fun.
  11. Understand your own strengths and the strengths of those around you.
  12. Build in free time every day.
  13. Rely on yourself for your own happiness.

This week’s #HappyAct is to practice the art of reframing the negative to the positive. The next time you see or hear something negative, try stating it in another way that’s positive. Special thanks to my guest bloggers the last two weeks, Tim and Ray–fine job guys!

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Sing like no one is listening

Tim singing
Tim rocking out at our company’s Summer Celebration

Special guest blog by Tim Aylesworth

Laurie asked me to be a guest blogger a few months ago to cover while she is away on vacation and I eagerly said yes because:

  1. I am a ‘Happy Act’ follower and have been since she started her blog.
  2. She is my boss. (Ok, I would have done it anyway even if she wasn’t my boss).

Then I completely forgot about it until in late June when I was vacationing in North Carolina visiting my brother-in-law and family and I received a message from Laurie asking if I was still interested in writing a post. I’m no dummy so I said ‘of course’!

I had no idea what to write about. As a musician, playing music makes me happy but that was just a little too obvious and not everyone is cut out to play an instrument.

While in North Carolina, we decided to try Karaoke and it hit me. Everyone can sing and singing makes you happy! I had my topic. Maybe you only sing loudly and badly, but you can sing. And the perfect opportunity to be loud and bad is Karaoke! You might not want to inflict your singing voice on the unsuspecting public but you can Karaoke in the comfort of your home. Just fire up YouTube and there are tons of Karaoke versions of songs just waiting to be massacred.

And talk about laughs! We each took turns picking the next song. The teenage girls picked Bruno Mars ‘Uptown Funk’ which is a really fun song – I really got into it. The same teenage girls were then horrified watching their parents sing Meat Loaf’s ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’ (all eight and a half minutes of it). We split the boys and girls up for ‘Summer Lovin’ from ‘Grease’ and we were surprisingly good.

My brother-in-law Dan picked ‘I’m Too Sexy’ by one-hit wonder Right Said Fred (he seemed to know all the words without looking). The teenage girls eyes were rolling again when Uncle Tim started ‘shaking his little tush on the catwalk’. There is video evidence of this that I hope never sees the light of day.

I’m usually a pretty good singer but I got really bad in hurry and I loved it. It was liberating just to belt it out with worrying about being in tune or even getting the words right.

So my #HappyAct advice to you is the next time you are at a party and or a family gathering and things are a little dull, go to YouTube and make your guests sing Karaoke for their supper. They might protest at first but soon everyone’s sides will be hurting from laughing so hard.

A word of warning. You might want to confiscate everyone’s phone first or you might become an unwilling YouTube star yourself.

Tim Aylesworth is a communicator and singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist who just released his fourth CD “Sending Out Waves”. Tim records his music in Rushin’ Draggin’ studio, his small but mighty home studio. 

Ed. note: We are all HUGE fans of Tim’s music at work. He is such a talented musician. Be sure to check out his songs and support him!

Website: timaylesworth.ca
Listen to Tim’s music: CDBaby
Facebook
Twitter

Tim singing
Tim volunteers his time to sing at many charity functions, like this event for United Way
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Make a pilgrimage to Cooperstown

Baseball Hall of Fame
Main entrance of the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York.

Special guest blog by Ray Dorey

It seems that every summer, the familiar itch returns.

No, not the itch from mosquito bites or sunburn. I’m talking about the itch I feel for a road trip to visit Cooperstown, New York.

Cooperstown is the home of the National Baseball Hall of Fame, and not surprisingly, my love of the area is rooted in a deep passion of the sport.

The Montreal Expos were my team growing up. My baseball heroes included the likes of Tim Raines, Andre Dawson, Steve Rogers, Ellis Valentine, and my all-time favourite, the late, great, Gary Carter.

I still ache from that dreadful day in 1981, when the Dodgers’ Rick Monday smacked a late homerun abruptly torpedoing the Expos’ playoff drive.

Fortunately, Cooperstown is only about a three-hour trip from where I live. A relaxing, scenic drive through rural Upstate New York towards Otsego Lake.

Restaurant front
My favourite Cooperstown eatery.

Entering Cooperstown, you get the feeling that you’ve been vaulted into the past, especially in the neighbourhoods nearest the Hall of Fame. Majestic older homes line the streets. American flags hang proudly everywhere. In my many visits, it seems that the town had never changed, and that in itself might help explain part of the allure. When everything around us seems to be spinning off its axis, it’s comforting to have an escape destination seemingly frozen in time.

Main Street alone is worth the trip to Cooperstown. A genuine feast for the senses, as they say. The sight of so many baseball-themed storefronts, the smell of fresh popcorn, and the sound of organ music from stadiums long since demolished. The sidewalks are typically filled with bright, smiling faces, especially families. One generation passing-on their love of the game to the next.

hats on a shelf
So many hats to choose from at Mickey’s Place.

So many old, creaky-floored collectible shops to get lost in, each brimming with treasures from days gone by. How I’ve been tempted at times to take a piece of history home with me. If only my wallet would cooperate. If your preference is for something more present-day, you won’t have to look far to discover row upon row of baseball caps, balls, jerseys and t-shirts.

And then of course is the Baseball Hall of Fame itself. A shrine to the game’s history and players. Whenever I visit the Hall, I always feel surrounded by ghosts, the deceased greats of the game, watching along-side as I enjoy the exhibits. A few years ago, I had the opportunity to tour the Hall outside of normal business hours. I remember visiting the room dedicated to fabled Yankees slugger, Babe Ruth. His bats, trophies, and even locker from the old Yankee Stadium on display. It was eerie enough being alone, but I’m sure I could feel his presence there with me.

Sign that says we have the baseball cards your mother threw away
They do indeed.

 

This week’s #HappyAct is to visit Cooperstown, New York. Certainly a paradise for any baseball-enthusiast, but also a relaxing sojourn back in time that everyone will enjoy.

Ray Dorey

Ray is a mostly harmless goofball who lives in Mallorytown, Ontario with his canine sidekick Abby. Visit Ray’s blog at www.storiesfromdoreyville.wordpress.com.

Ed. note: Thanks Ray for this great guest post. I’m sad to admit I haven’t visited Cooperstown yet–it’s now on my list!

Gary Carter plaque
Gary Carter’s Hall of Fame plaque
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Listen with your heart

listen with your heartI need your advice. One of the things I’ve learned since starting this blog is it’s just as much important to understand what doesn’t make you happy, as what does make you happy. I also know that sometimes you just have to Let it go, and channel your energies into something positive instead of focusing on the negative.

Last week we spent the evening with a group of people we see often and are close to us. It was a nice night but it occurred to me at the end of the night, they didn’t ask a single question about my work, what we’ve been up to lately, or a big trip I’m taking in a couple of weeks. It really hit home when we got up to leave and not a single person said “Have a great trip” even though they knew they wouldn’t see me before I left.

I’ll admit I was a bit hurt. This same group of people have stated on many occasions (including that night) that they are way too busy to read my blog and have never read it.

For those of you who do read this blog, you’ll know I often post about my family. I know there’s lots of people out there who won’t like what I post and who don’t get this blog and I’m okay with that. But I would have thought people close to us might check in from time to time if for no other reason than to see what my family is up to. To blatantly dismiss it and show no interest is bizarre to me and frankly a little hurtful. Since they’ve told me many times they don’t read it, I don’t have to worry about them seeing this post.

Dave and I had an interesting conversation afterwards about the art of conversation. I observed that it seems people don’t truly listen anymore or take an interest in what others are doing. He agreed and told me that to this day, a close co-worker has still not said “sorry for your loss” or acknowledged in any way the death of his mother this February.

There’s a funny little column in the Toronto Star called The Dating Diaries. Each week, someone goes on a date with a person they met online, then describes the date and rates it out of 10. I’ve noticed a theme in these columns. Often the person writing the column rates the date low and says that the other person talked about themselves the entire time. No second date.

Dave blames social media for the narcissistic society that we have become. We post what we’re doing every minute of the day on Facebook and bloggers like me take to the net in a never-ending stream of self-gratification. We are living in selfie age. I agree, but I also think social media is a great way to keep in touch with those you might not be able to see, support people, and engage and share in conversations.

So, dear readers, now it’s your chance to weigh in on the debate and give me your advice. Am I unrealistic to expect people to take an interest in my life? Have we stopped listening with our hearts? And do you think social media is to blame or are we just so busy in our lives we’ve stopped listening with our hearts and caring about what is going on in other people’s lives?

This week’s #HappyAct is to leave a comment to help me understand and to actively reverse this trend by listening with your heart. Make a conscious effort to stop what you are doing, shut your mind to distractions and completely focus on your conversations with people and ask about what’s happening in their lives.

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Watch a parade

Girls at a parade
Grace and Clare at the Hyannis Fourth of July parade in Hyannis, MA a few years ago

When Dave and I first started dating, he played the bagpipes in the Burlington Pipe Band. For the first two years of our courtship, our weekends consisted of traipsing down the main street of every small town in southern Ontario as part of some parade. It was a great way to get to know our region, and our romance blossomed to the soundtrack of Amazing Grace and Scotland the Brave.

Young or old, big or small, there is something endearing and enchanting about a parade.

Neighbours congregate in lawn chairs and on roadside curbs to share greetings and stories. The little ones get excited, eagerly peering down the empty street anticipating the start of the big event and asking “Has it started? Are they coming?” Then the first firetruck appears, sounding its siren, the old cars beep their horns, and a flotilla of floats and smiling, happy faces stream by. What’s not to love?

This week’s #HappyAct is to watch a parade. Our family will in Bath this year for the Canada Day parade and festivities since Dave has become a member of the Napanee Pipe Band. Get out and celebrate. Happy Canada Day everyone!

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Wash the dust of daily life from your soul

oil paintingPablo Picasso once said, “The purpose of art is to wash the dust of daily life off our souls.” Yesterday, we cleansed our souls and met some friends at our favourite little art show called “Art amongst the ruins” in Newburgh, Ontario.

It was the perfect day to stroll through the amazing grounds (the ruins are from a former mill on the property) and admire the beautiful pieces of art.

I am not the most artistic person in the world, but I love looking at art, seeing the textures and hues on the canvas and thinking about the images and emotions the artist was trying to portray and understanding the emotions it evokes in the soul.

A few years ago at this same show, one of the artists invited Clare to paint his picture for him. I have a wonderful picture of her sitting at his easel. He was a pointillist and he showed Clare the technique of using tiny dots to create images that blend together into a bold, beautiful image.

I watched Clare yesterday afternoon paint a picture for her bus driver. She chose a white canvas and painted simple green stems, and glued real flower petals. I’m glad at least one member of our family has some natural artistic flair.

This week’s #HappyAct is to spend a morning or afternoon at an art show or gallery. Maybe even pick up a brush yourself and wash off some dust from your soul. After all, it was Vincent Van Gogh who said, “If you hear a voice within you that says, ‘you cannot paint”, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” Here are some of my favourite pieces from yesterday.art amongst the ruins

beautiful painting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

young girls art
Clare’s masterpiece

watercolour

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Rent a muscle car

 

Two men and a sports car
The boys and their ride, a brand new Dodge Challenger

Next weekend is Father’s Day. I knew I wanted to do something special for Dave and his Dad this year after losing Dave’s Mom to cancer in February. We all miss her terribly, no one more so than John who had been her loving partner for 59 years.

So I came up with the idea of renting a convertible or muscle car for the day. A brand new Dodge Challenger with racing stripes, a sweet engine and pimped out radio.

We kept it a surprise until we reached the rental car place in Kingston. There were grins all around after the big reveal.

We drove east along Highway 2 to Gananoque then along the Thousands Islands Parkway. The sun was shining, the breeze was warm and there were beautiful vistas of the river. Every once in awhile, Dave would put the pedal to the metal and let her rip. We stopped in Rockport to spend an hour on the water for a Thousand Islands River tour, had lunch on a patio, then continued east until Brockville before heading north back country past picturesque farms.

Everywhere we went, people would say “Sweet ride”. There was the requisite stop for ice cream in Seeley’s Bay (best ice cream shop ever, the Nest Egg, make it a stop) before we had to drop Clare off at a birthday party at 4 p.m. The only damper on the day besides cramped legs was Clare and me still feeling poorly after coming off a week of the stomach flu, but the boys had a grand time.

This week’s #HappyAct is to rent a muscle car for the day, or just plan a special memory for the men in your life in honour of Father’s Day. Next time: a convertible!

Blowing hair
Hazards of the ride
Three girls in the backseat of a car
Clare, clearly enjoying herself
four people eating ice cream
Having a scream (Kawartha Dairy of course) at the Nest Egg in Seeley’s Bay
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Kick it forward and help women with breast cancer

Last week on LinkedIn, I saw a post from my cousin Wendy in Winnipeg called Comfort is Freedom. Wendy’s list of accomplishments is lengthy—she’s a wife, mother, advocate for health and women, and President and CEO of Bressante, a company that makes breast prosthesis for women who’ve had breast cancer.

After I liked and shared her post, Wendy emailed me to tell me about a Kickstarter campaign she started to raise funds to make breast prostheses for 10 women across Canada and the United States and one group, Cancer de Mama in Mexico. These are women who can’t afford a breast prothesis and are unable to live in comfort and need help.

Wendy and her team can fit prosthetics effectively at a distance but they need funding. Their goal is to raise $12,500 and they only have until June 15th to do it.

In her post, Wendy wrote, “I believe that comfort is essential for a happy life. Being comfortable can mean many things. You may be content with your job, your relationships, your spirituality; that is one kind of comfort. What about physical comfort? Many of us struggle to be comfortable in our clothing, to be comfortable in our own skin. Women that have a mastectomy or other breast surgery have extra challenges.”

This week’s #HappyAct is to join me in supporting this great cause and kick it forward. Make a donation on kickstarter.com (search for Building a Better Breast Prosthesis by Wendy Smith). Share this post. Help spread the word.

About Kickstarter: Kickstarter is an online crowdfunding site. You give by credit card, and can give as little as $1. Your credit card only gets charged if the project succeeds in raising its funding. You will be asked to sign in and provide your name and email address. If you’ve never supported a campaign on Kickstarter before, this would be a great first project—I made my first pledge this morning. They were at about $3,500 of their $12,500 goal.

And for those of you who liked my post last week on the Science of Happiness, Part I and said you were looking forward to part two—stay tuned. A blatant ploy to keep you reading each Sunday! Have a great week everyone.

 

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The science of happiness: Part I

science-of-happiness-625x352When I first started this blog, I purposely avoided reading books on happiness because I wanted to find my own inspiration and voice. Since then, I’ve naturally started reading more about the science of happiness. As I’ve said on my profile page, I’ve always been fascinated with understanding why some people are blessed with approaching life naturally seeing the “glass half full” while others see the “glass half empty”.

There is a Brazilian folk tale that tells the story of the foolish son of a king who is sent on a journey, and after encountering a series of adventures where he acquires knowledge, finds happiness because “Knowledge is the key to happiness”.

If knowledge is the key to happiness, it seems fitting we increase our happiness IQ by learning more about the science of happiness. Here’s today’s installment.

There is a famous study of twins done by researchers at the University of Edinburgh and published in Psychological Science. It studied 973 pairs of adult twins and found that identical twin pairs responded much more similarly than other twins when asked how happy they were based on traits like “being sociable, active, stable, hardworking and conscientious”. The study concluded that genes account for about 50% of the variation in people’s levels of happiness.

What can we learn from this? The glass half empty people might throw up their hands and say happiness is genetic or pre-ordained so it doesn’t matter what I do or how I act. Glass half full people might say we have 50% control over our happiness and the actions we take to create happiness in our lives.

Probably the best advice comes from one of the co-authors of the study, Timothy Bates. To feel happier, he recommends mimicking the personality traits of those who are: “be social, even if it’s only with a few people; set achievable goals and work toward them; and concentrate on putting setbacks and worries in perspective. “

This week’s #HappyAct is to actively seek to understand your natural pre-disposition towards happiness. And the next time you have a really bad day, take a long drink of water from that glass, whether it’s half full or half empty and know that this too shall pass.

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Feel the sand in your toes

man and children playing on beach at sunset
Dave and the girls on beautiful deserted Kure Beach, North Carolina at sunset

Beach season is here. Time to make a beeline out of the city and get bare foot in the sand.

There’s something about a mile-long strip of beach that is irresistible. The sound of the surf thundering onto shore, watching and waiting for the whitecaps to crest the waves, beach combing for the perfect shell, and that wonderful feeling of warm sand between your toes as you walk for miles.

On our final night in Kure Beach, North Carolina in April, the girls and I went for one last walk on the beach. I watched them race along the deserted beach as the moon shimmered on the waves and knew, in that moment, I was completely happy.

This week’s #HappyAct is to feel the sand in your toes and find a stretch of sand to explore. Here is a list of some of our favourite beaches closer to home and further afar and pictures from some of our favourite family beach vacations.

girls standing in water
Grace and Clare at Bruce Peninsula Provincial Park on the famous “moon rock” beach
Girl on beach
Grace at MacGregor Point Provincial Park